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Share good puns and jokes.

Crossbreed said:
Q: What do you get when you play a country music record backwards?
A: You get you wife back, your truck back, your dog back, your trailer back & your job back...!
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No. You get a very badly damaged record!
 
I went to a bank that's going out of business, and asked if I could help them make some change happen.

They said that wouldn't make any cents.

I heard they sent a car to the mental hospital, it was driving everyone crazy.

A BUTT TUBA!!!
 
Shevek said:
Actually, playing records backwards or back and forth is used as a novelty musical instrument. Direction does not matter to stylus and groove.
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Oh man, back masking songs. That takes me waaaaay back to my days in middle school, LOL! Yeah, this was kind of a thing I sort of "discovered" back when; programs like Sony Vegas and Audacity have features that of course let you set something to play in reverse. Sometimes when I was bored I would just take miscellaneous songs or audio I had saved on my computer and run them backwards, but what many people seemed to kinda disregard with this stuff, some I showed this to were actually against it (eg. as a teenager I was around a lot of religious parties; I'm Christian and have zero problem with it but I didn't know why it was such a hot topic back then) because I would be told that playing music backwards is how you speak with the Devil... well that just seems absurd to me because I have done this thousands of times and never had anything demonic happen to me because of it. In fact, lots of the time when I did so I heard some pretty comical permutations of words thrown together. Some of my favorites from this include:

Sonic Adventure OST -- Unknown from M.E. (Knuckles' motif):

"Y'know all Cro-Magnons stand up, they all sayin' "Mercredi" " --Cro-Magnons are a kind of caveman from the Paleolithic period. "Mercredi" means "Wednesday" in French... Okay then.

Sonic Adventure -- You Can Do Anything (Tails' motif):

(sounds like it's coming from a far distance) "....Never whiz on an outlet, But Pierre pulled the rings--- GGGGRRNNNNAAAAAULGH" w e l l t h e n.

Sonic Adventure -- It Doesn't Matter (Sonic, IIRC):

"A ghostly nimrod is botching the late hooray!"
"YEAH HATS, THE AMERICAN WAY!"
"Plasmic flash, the likes that I ain't never seen"
 
A Zen Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."
He gets his hot dog and gives the vendor $10, then asks for change. The vendor says, "Change must come from within."
 
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