Shame based trophy

[David C]

I received a trophy award from the forum titled "Can't stop" I think it's shaming/abusive.The accompanying message "hope you didn't do them all in one day" I think is shaming/abusive, patronising and unnecessary given that verbosity and talkativeness are common symptoms for some of us. I feel deflated and reluctant to post. However I accept my autism and the particular symptoms I have and that all humans are perfectly imperfect. I didn't want to make this public but couldn't get an email through and can't go on Facebook etc because scammers have set up accounts using my I.d and they know when I try to go on them. I haven't had the emotional energy to try to deal with it because they have given me hell, including threatened my life and I have severe ptsd.

 

[Rodafina]

However I accept my autism and the particular symptoms I have and that all humans are perfectly imperfect.

I think this is the key. First self acceptance, and then with a little luck and perseverance, finding small pockets of humanity where you can feel accepted by others, too.

As I emerged from a very dark and confusing couple of decades, I started to find acceptance here on the forum. No longer expecting perfection from myself or others allowed me to breathe freely for the first time in my adult life.

I haven't had the emotional energy to try to deal with it because they have given me hell, including threatened my life and I have severe ptsd.

Hopefully, you can take the time and space that you need to restore your energy and then decide where to spend it most efficiently. At the end of the day, sometimes it takes all the energy I have just to manage my thoughts, feelings, and sensory experiences. There is often not much energy left for dealing with others at all.

 

[David C]

I think this is the key. First self acceptance, and then with a little luck and perseverance, finding small pockets of humanity where you can feel accepted by others, too.

As I emerged from a very dark and confusing couple of decades, I started to find acceptance here on the forum. No longer expecting perfection from myself or others allowed me to breathe freely for the first time in my adult life.


Hopefully, you can take the time and space that you need to restore your energy and then decide where to spend it most efficiently. At the end of the day, sometimes it takes all the energy I have just to manage my thoughts, feelings, and sensory experiences. There is often not much energy left for dealing with others at all.

Thanks very much for that. I'm usually not triggered so severely and have been travelling well for a fair while. I hardly ever think of those scammers anymore, and rarely need Facebook etc anyway. I had contact with one of my friends of almost 50 years today who has terminal cancer, he was diagnosed one week before his only child's 21st birthday. He was a health and fitness fanatic. That made me fragile. I forgive the forum of course, I have ASD and can't help sounding a bit harsh when giving critical feedback to people and organisations that I value.

 

[Outdated]

I received a trophy titled "Can't stop" I think it's shaming/abusive.

@Rodafina - he's talking about the "trophy" awards that this forum gives you when you're new.

@David C - don't take it personally. The forum software dishes up a whole heap of silly things like that at first.

 

[Outdated]

Congrats on becoming a VIP member by the way. It's a much nicer place without all the adverts.

 

[marc_101]

@David C The "Can't stop" is supposed to be a positive thing per the forum algorithm. It means you have contributed to the forum.

 

[David C]

@David C The "Can't stop" is supposed to be a positive thing per the forum algorithm. It means you have contributed to the forum.

Thanks, I'm aware the forum meant well. It triggered me. I've been shamed and rejected because of verbosity and talkativeness throughout my adult life. I know I'm one of many people who feel or have felt intense shame about having those issues. It is one of the main reason I remain socially isolated. Of course I don't pick up on the signs that people are being impacted by it, some become hostile. I think the forum admin should take a look anytime someone says they've been triggered by one of thier actions. I know you mean well too so sorry if I seem unreasonable

 

[marc_101]

Ah. Not unreasonable at all. When I first got that "trophy," I also wondered if that was supposed to be a good thing. I understand the talking too much, but sometimes I really have very important things to say

 

[Outdated]

I've been using forums for nearly 30 years but I don't do any other form of social media. So when I started getting messages about people "following" me I was a bit bewildered by it. Was I supposed to be flattered? Or nervous?

But I stopped taking notice of any of that sort of stuff very early on, and when this thread was started was the first time I looked at my stats in about a year.

 

[David C]

I've been using forums for nearly 30 years but I don't do any other form of social media. So when I started getting messages about people "following" me I was a bit bewildered by it. Was I supposed to be flattered? Or nervous?

But I stopped taking notice of any of that sort of stuff very early on, and when this thread was started was the first time I looked at my stats in about a year.

Cheers for that. I'm pretty thick skinned too buddy, but thanks for your concern.

 

[tree]

I received a trophy award from the forum titled "Can't stop" I think it's shaming/abusive.The accompanying message "hope you didn't do them all in one day" I think is shaming/abusive, patronising and unnecessary given that verbosity and talkativeness are common symptoms for some of us. I feel deflated and reluctant to post. However I accept my autism and the particular symptoms I have and that all humans are perfectly imperfect. I didn't want to make this public but couldn't get an email through and can't go on Facebook etc because scammers have set up accounts using my I.d and they know when I try to go on them. I haven't had the emotional energy to try to deal with it because they have given me hell, including threatened my life and I have severe ptsd.

I've never considered the 'trophy' messages to be anything
other than jocular.

 

[David C]

I've never considered the 'trophy' messages to be anything
other than jocular.

Thanks, that's really helpful. I'm very new to the forum and from a different country. In Oz, jocular and psychological etc issues are kept well apart. I will learn to get used to it, thanks again.

 

[Tom]

Reviewing my stats there seems to have been a few oversights.

I haven't recieved my 6th, 7th, 8th or 9th Year Club Trophies.

I don't care about the Trophies but do care that I am being denied access to 4 different clubs.

Now, I have also heard that it is precisely the clubs after the 5 year mark where you start getting complimentary donuts....

 

[Aspychata]

Maybe we should vote to change all the trophies to donuts. All in favor, raise your donut handling hand.

 

[Judge]

Rather than bother with the details of what triggered such a response, perhaps we should be discussing the very issue of triggers themselves. Which often amount to a case of "much ado about nothing".

Happens to me a lot, and yes, it's embarrassing to admit. When perhaps the best thing is when your own psyche realizes it's a trigger based on some kind of benign happening. When you just chuckle at yourself, and most importantly move on without further thoughts- or shame.

 

[Aspychata]

I could see triggers as very life limiting, and l have cycled thru them even last nite. Those who are very traumatized, we have huge problems when encountering everyday things, and l have to find where l need to stop and think about the trigger, the response, and who is not observing my boundaries. Lately, it's more in my face. But l can't blame others for my triggers. The trophy-can't stop- maybe quite benign. Triggers are very dysfunctional in general for me, they are like bad relatives that keep showing up unwanted at my front door. I have to be nice, acknowledge them, and send them on their way.