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((SensitiveTopic)) Past Bully

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by ZebraAspie, Jan 18, 2021.

  1. ZebraAspie

    ZebraAspie Well-Known Member

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    I have been having flash backs to past bullying. When I was at school these boys repeatedly made comments such as “spaz” and “retard” and asked “if and how I fingered myself and what would happen if my finger was to dislocate” since I had ‘deformed’ hands. I keep thinking about this lately and can’t get it out of my head what should I do.
     
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  2. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Boys are cruel. l had a boy come up and pull my hair as l was swinging all by myself in an empty playground. It hurt. Boys are obessed with that stuff at that age. What they don't realize is we don't even think about that stuff. You just kinda move on and probaly one if not all
    of them may even be in jail at this point.
    But l am sorry they said that to you. You as a innocent child didn't deserve that and maybe you can forgive and let go of immaturity and how boys act out because of absent or negligent parents who don't teach them to respect woman.
     
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  3. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    In a way I can compare it to misfortunes that can happen to you when you spend a lot of time in the water (sports, work, etc). You can be bit by fish, or brush up against a toxic jellyfish or even attacked by a shark. It's normally not a case of doing anything wrong, but just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. If you hadn't been there they would no doubt have picked on someone else, because that is what predators/bullies do.
     
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  4. BrokenBoy

    BrokenBoy 戯言使い(Nonsense User)

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    Beat em up or smoke weed before coming to school to chill out. Or better yet offer it to them in private if you can manage to sneak it in.
     
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  5. Neonatal RRT

    Neonatal RRT Well-Known Member

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    I am in my 50's. I have lived enough to see friends and family members die. I have seen friends, family, and co-workers deal with the affects of war, of sexual abuse, of mental abuse, of cancer, of the deaths of their own children, and a long,...long,...long list of other "personal tragedy". To think that any of these people, in their quiet moments, don't run these memories over and over, would be wrong. To think that these boys,...years later,...don't remember what they did to you, would also be wrong. It is likely, at some time, one of these boys will have a daughter of his own, and as a father, he will remember what a mean, little, snot-twattle he was to you. That's why fathers tend to greet boys at their front door with a bit of emotional tension,...sometimes with a baseball bat in hand, a gun or large knife on their hip,...a quiet, intimidating reminder to treat his daughter with respect,...or else. He remembers how boys are,...because he was one, himself.

    Life will throw you all sorts of personal tragedy. Someone once said, "It's not how many times you've been knocked down. It's how many times you can get knocked down and you get back up again." Don't try to forget what happened. It did,...so use it,...but use it for some better purpose. Volunteer at a woman's shelter. Get yourself educated and be a therapist, yourself. The worst thing you can do is dwell on the "damage" it has done, be withdrawn, or be angry. A once popular comedian once said, "The difference between a girl and a woman is that a woman has had people come out of her and had her dreams crushed." I am in my 50's,...and I would rather interact with women,...not girls. Women have had life experiences, both good and bad,...it makes them who they are. My wife of 33 years will sometimes say, "When I am gone, you can find a nice young, pretty girl and be happy." My immediate response is like, "NO!,...I would probably choose someone my own age,...a woman, who has been through some difficult situations and is an interesting person."

    Going over those memories is not a bad thing,...you should,...it's normal. On the other hand, it should not be an unhealthy obsession. Get yourself "distracted" by something else,...a special interest, a hobby, an area of study,...whatever.
     
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  6. Nicholas Wedemeyer

    Nicholas Wedemeyer New Member

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    Back when I got bullied about Video Games by a bully on Instagram last year! Bullies says trash of video games to me!
     
  7. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    When was the last time this worked for you personally?
     
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  8. Mia

    Mia Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Have memories that seem to occupy my mind, sometimes they torment me for days. Yours is particularly horrible one Zebra Aspie, that seems to have reoccurred.

    The ones that happen to us in childhood, seem with us forever. And out of nowhere, we hear them again. Usually I fight or counter mine, that is I rewrite them. Listing in my mind a counter to their taunts, so if someone said I was a 'spaz,' I come up with many reasons why I'm not a spaz. This seems to fade the memories of the taunts, they have less strength to hurt me after that.

    At other times when I don't have a list of reasons, I cut off the statement mid-sentence or simply do not react to it. That seems to lessen the impact of it. I might even rewrite the taunt said originally, to something that is less hurtful. This takes practise.

    Once I was cutting an apple, and a taunt came out of nowhere, indicating I would cut myself. It was in a recognisable bully's voice from early in my life. I paused for a second, astonished at the power these memories have, fifty years on. Then I continued cutting the apple and I've not heard it since.
     
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  9. BrokenBoy

    BrokenBoy 戯言使い(Nonsense User)

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    in seventh grade a mean guy attacked me so I attacked him which made him not do stuff like that to me anymore.

    I've never brought weed to school though that's mostly cause I don't have weed most of the time.
     
  10. Finder

    Finder Active Member

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    Bullies seem powerful, but they are not. What they said has no truth, but simply words designed to hurt. They are gone. Focusing on these thoughts is just self harm. Be kind to yourself.
     
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  11. Neonatal RRT

    Neonatal RRT Well-Known Member

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    What @Finder said is true. I've said this in other posts, but bullies are bullies out of their own insecurities. They have to find ways to make themselves feel a bit better about themselves. You,...for whatever reason,...were a target for their insecure behavior.

    Once you understand and recognize people who are insecure, just avoid them as best you can,...they are, at best,...toxic individuals. At worst,...killers. My little sister was married to one of these guys. He never raised a hand to her,...according to her,...but it was a daily little emotional or personal dig,...small little comments,..."death by a thousand cuts". Destroyed her self-worth and made her deeply angry against men, in general. Then, you have the ones who step it up a bit more,...the physical abusers,...with and without alcohol and drugs. Oh,...they are so apologetic when you threaten to leave,..."I can change, I promise, it won't happen again, I love you"...then they snap, get angry, emotionally and physically abusive again. People like that can kill, will abuse your children, etc. Then, you have the "controllers",...snooping around in your personal stuff, looking at phone and internet history, you can't go out with your friends anymore, the constant phone calls and texts, God forbid you gaze in the direction of someone else,...the toxic, violent jealousy. Insecure people often walk around with weapons,..."for protection",...against some imaginary enemy. Insecure people put on this front like they are somehow "alpha",...they got the clothes, the strut, the attitude,...all weak little cry babies on the inside. Insecure people are often found in groups,...power in numbers. So,...think about folks you've seen that fit these descriptions,...perhaps you know someone like this. They don't deserve your emotional attention.

    Apologies @ZebraAspie,...I got a bit paternal there. You are the age where you could be my daughter.:)
     
  12. Nervous Rex

    Nervous Rex High-functioning autistic V.I.P Member

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    A few things that help me:

    1) How many legs does a dog have, if you call its tail a leg? Four, because calling the tail a leg doesn't make it a leg. Name-calling is the same. Just because someone calls you something, it doesn't mean you are that.

    2) Bullies only care about their own feelings. When they say something hurtful, they aren't actually thinking, "What will make you feel hurt?" They're thinking, "What will make me feel better?" (or more powerful, or whatever their shortcoming is). The truth beneath this is that they insult others because they feel like they are lacking. Anything they say should reflect only on them, not on you.

    3) I've reevaluated a lot of memories like that, and changed my perception of the bullies that I had to deal with. Some of them, I genuinely feel sorry for, and I've been able to forgive some of them because I know they were completely ignorant of their effect on me.

    4) I also pictured myself as the grown adult I am now, sitting down and having a long talk with the younger me who was incessantly picked on. I told younger me how much better my life is, and that what he is enduring won't last. Then i gave him a hug. It sounds really dumb when I write it, but it was a 30-minute mental exercise that freed me from a lot of past resentments.
     
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  13. BrokenBoy

    BrokenBoy 戯言使い(Nonsense User)

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    @ZebraAspie is weed legal in your state? If so I suggest buying weed to get them to leave you alone.

    Life is all about bargaining and sacrifices, so sacrifice some of your money ok?
     
  14. Neonatal RRT

    Neonatal RRT Well-Known Member

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    @BrokenBoy: ZebraAspie was commenting on memories of when she was in school. I don't think those individuals are in her life now.

    As far as the cannabis,...there is anecdotal evidence,...there are few small studies. Mixed results. I've tried a few different CBD products,...didn't do anything for me, either way,...and it was expensive. Sometimes products with THC can make anxiety symptoms worse in some individuals with autism. Any drug inhaled, whether it be smoke or aerosolized particles, is very difficult to dose, not to mention the potential harm done to the lungs. There are edibles,...again, difficult to dose due to how it may be prepared. There are, conservatively, at least a hundred different cannabis strains with different levels of CBD and THC.

    I am not against CBD, or even THC in some individuals. I've seen it do some amazing things for some people, but personally, I will still have to see some standardization within the industry with regards to concentrations of active components, as well as, more comprehensive dosing studies in adults and children. This is necessary for simple consumer protection, if nothing else.:)

    Cannabis and autism, explained | Spectrum | Autism Research News
     
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  15. Wolfgangus Faldestolius

    Wolfgangus Faldestolius Little notes from an armchair

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    I am severely allergic to airborne "cannabis" (I can't be the only one) and it should be swallowed.
     
  16. Wolfgangus Faldestolius

    Wolfgangus Faldestolius Little notes from an armchair

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    1. Authorities that use sexual talk in front of / towards people less powerful than themselves are bullies.
    Deliberate incompetence is a form of bullying.
    Party B informally "appearing to" act towards party A on behalf of party C when they really act for party D and ensure the blame falls on party E, is bullying.
    2. When children used words wrongly towards me I found it profoundly destabilising but within a couple of years I could see that they themselves were maturing.
    3. An amusing thing is when I was 10 with my back to the wall and a boy was pummelling me hard enough, and the thought struck me "I'm stopping a fight" (because I was emaciated, weak and uncoordinated) and he must have seen something in my face because he gave me a funny look, stopped and walked off. I can smell the brickwork and the hazy sunshine of the split second when that thought was in my mind.
    Make your "problems" work for you and not against you!
     
  17. ZebraAspie

    ZebraAspie Well-Known Member

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    Thankyou. You didn’t deserve any of it either. We need to try to be stronger then our tormentors.
     
  18. ZebraAspie

    ZebraAspie Well-Known Member

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    You are probably right.
     
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  19. ZebraAspie

    ZebraAspie Well-Known Member

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  20. Wolfgangus Faldestolius

    Wolfgangus Faldestolius Little notes from an armchair

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    I agree with OP about the huge harm that is done by uncalled for sexual talk - these children obviously learned it from adults.

    When I was 14 bad teachers said uncalled for sexual things to the whole class and that wasn't "sex education".