Self loathing.

[Metalhead]

I cannot allow myself the same degrees of grace that I would allow virtually anybody else on the planet.

I feel like my head is so empty and devoid of anything substantial, like I have nothing to contribute to the world, that I bother other people whenever I open my mouth.

Of course, I could trace this back to how I was raised, but I can't blame my parents for me being a failure in life forever.

 

[Markness]

You aren’t alone in feeling like this. I don’t think you have nothing to contribute, though, and you don’t bother me at all.

 

[RemyZee]

You have a lot to contribute!

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Please don't feel that way. I internalized lies about myself and it took a lot of work before I could like myself and have agency. Only after that could I have been authentic and vulnerable with my future spouse.

@Metalhead, embrace your uniqueness and enjoy your interests. We can help you carry some of the weight of your struggles. You enjoy movies and I can recommend one anime where the characters struggle towards mental health through connection; A Silent Voice.

 

[Shamar]

I cannot allow myself the same degrees of grace that I would allow virtually anybody else on the planet.

I feel like my head is so empty and devoid of anything substantial, like I have nothing to contribute to the world, that I bother other people whenever I open my mouth.

Of course, I could trace this back to how I was raised, but I can't blame my parents for me being a failure in life forever.

You ARE a worthwhile human being. You have contributed much to this forum. Your movie critic web site, even if it is no longer operational (you really should get going on getting that back up), was a contribution to society. You DO have substance to offer.

 

[Ken]

I have felt that my entire life.

I am often conflicted when I see absolutely no benefit to my life while knowing that my work experience has been beneficial, but for some reason that never seems to nullify my feeling of worthlessness.

I have been suicidal all my life, feeling that being in a permanent dreamless sleep would be total bliss... but somehow I'm still here.

I'm also glad that you are here!

I guess I realize that feelings like you (and I) are feeling are not truly real. They are actually fabrications within our neurology and amplified by depression. It's a perception, not a reality, regardless how convincing. I think just knowing that, is why I'm still here.

 

[Metalhead]

I apologize for the drama posting here. I can contribute a lot of that to my clinical depression. I will be talking with my doctor about this tomorrow morning.