selective mutism

[Sarara]

so, im having this issue at the moment and its happened many times before... im not mute, but i would rather stop talking, never speaking again.

im not sure what my exact question is... but like... is it normal, is it viable, should i be working on that, how do i work on that? because i just dont want to speak to anyone ever

 

[Outdated]

I'm a bit the other way around, as long as I'm the one doing the talking it's all good. It's when I have to start listening to them that they stress me out.

There's quite a few people here that struggle similarly to you. Many of us communicate best in this type of forum format. I don't use any social media and I don't use mobile phones. I also don't watch TV or listen to radio. I like watching movies and listening to music but all the fake emotional hype in news readers and advert voice overs drives me nuts.

[Edit] welcome to the forum by the way.

 

[Sarara]

I'm a bit the other way around, as long as I'm the one doing the talking it's all good. It's when I have to start listening to them that they stress me out.

There's quite a few people here that struggle similarly to you. Many of us communicate best in this type of forum format. I don't use any social media and I don't use mobile phones. I also don't watch TV or listen to radio. I like watching movies and listening to music but all the fake emotional hype in news readers and advert voice overs drives me nuts.

[Edit] welcome to the forum by the way.

thank you. i do prefer to talk online than in person, and i much prefer movies and music to tv.

 

[Kisa the tea]

Hello and welcome to the forums!

I can't say whether it's normal or viable but I also find speaking in person much more difficult than speaking online.

 

[Sasha22]

so, im having this issue at the moment and its happened many times before... im not mute, but i would rather stop talking, never speaking again.

im not sure what my exact question is... but like... is it normal, is it viable, should i be working on that, how do i work on that? because i just dont want to speak to anyone ever

I'd rather skip the talking too - I'm very good at asking questions but pretty bad when it comes to speaking myself. I'd say you can work on that, if only to figure out why you're feeling this way: maybe you'll find that it's a problem, maybe you'll find that it isn't.

 

[Sarara]

I'd rather skip the talking too - I'm very good at asking questions but pretty bad when it comes to speaking myself. I'd say you can work on that, if only to figure out why you're feeling this way: maybe you'll find that it's a problem, maybe you'll find that it isn't.

its a problem when i have to work, because i work with people. but im not sure how long thats going to be a thing

 

[Georgia Galaxy]

I'm a bit the other way around, as long as I'm the one doing the talking it's all good. It's when I have to start listening to them that they stress me out.

There's quite a few people here that struggle similarly to you. Many of us communicate best in this type of forum format. I don't use any social media and I don't use mobile phones. I also don't watch TV or listen to radio. I like watching movies and listening to music but all the fake emotional hype in news readers and advert voice overs drives me nuts.

[Edit] welcome to the forum by the way.

Me too!! And yess, welcome Sarara ^^

 

[Georgia Galaxy]

its a problem when i have to work, because i work with people. but im not sure how long thats going to be a thing

It's okay, you'll figure it out eventually. I'm sure of it <3

 

[Rodafina]

Hello and welcome again.

Sometimes it’s best not to wonder about normal and look more toward common. Selective mutism is common here on the forum. Of course, we all experience the world quite differently and there are also gregarious members here, but many of us have had extended periods of selective mutism, general difficulty speaking, a preference for written communication, and sensory and social overwhelm when we are required to speak.

I believe some people here are entirely mute, and there is even someone on the forum who created a program for mobile devices that can show messages to people you are interacting with for times when it is too difficult to speak.

There will be different situations when it is viable and when it is more of something to work on. I think the most important thing is that you have a form of expression. Speaking and speaking well is not always necessary, but holding everything in and having no outlet for communication can be very crushing, indeed. Art, music, written word, whatever it is where you can express your feelings the best could be the areas to focus on.

 

[MildredHubble]

I hate phones! I feel slightly panicked when my phone rings. I never talk on my phone unless someone makes me do it, by calling. It really stresses me out.

I also prefer chatting on a forum compared to talking to people in person or on the phone.

One thing that can still affect me though, I'm not sure if it's mutism, but I think it might be, is if I'm talking and something throws me, it's like my mouth locks shut. I try to push the words out of my mouth but it just locks up and I end up with this weird purses lips expression on my face.

It was even worse when I was a kid and I had to deal with this vicious bully of a headmistress (she made Miss Hardbroom look like a day at the beach). When she spotted me she would look for something to pick on me for, and as she was berating me I'd get this mutism thing happening.

Invariably she'd start interrogating me with stupid questions the kind that put you in a double bind. Then it would happen, this weird locked up, pursed lips thing, then she would go nuts at me for "laughing" at her.

I always wondered if it was like a very dilute version of Shell Shock. I've seen pictures of soldiers in the midst of a terrible distressing event with huge grins on their faces. But in reality they are in a catatonic state of distress, they look like they are having a great time based on their apparent expression. It's quite horrible.

 

[Sarara]

I hate phones! I feel slightly panicked when my phone rings. I never talk on my phone unless someone makes me do it, by calling. It really stresses me out.

I also prefer chatting on a forum compared to talking to people in person or on the phone.

One thing that can still affect me though, I'm not sure if it's mutism, but I think it might be, is if I'm talking and something throws me, it's like my mouth locks shut. I try to push the words out of my mouth but it just locks up and I end up with this weird purses lips expression on my face.

It was even worse when I was a kid and I had to deal with this vicious bully of a headmistress (she made Miss Hardbroom look like a day at the beach). When she spotted me she would look for something to pick on me for, and as she was berating me I'd get this mutism thing happening.

Invariably she'd start interrogating me with stupid questions the kind that put you in a double bind. Then it would happen, this weird locked up, pursed lips thing, then she would go nuts at me for "laughing" at her.

I always wondered if it was like a very dilute version of Shell Shock. I've seen pictures of soldiers in the midst of a terrible distressing event with huge grins on their faces. But in reality they are in a catatonic state of distress, they look like they are having a great time based on their apparent expression. It's quite horrible.

oh god, that sounds horrible. i have a stutter that i think is entirely unrelated and shows more when im stressed

 

[MildredHubble]

oh god, that sounds horrible. i have a stutter that i think is entirely unrelated and shows more when im stressed

I have stammer too. It only really shows up when I'm stressed or very tired. I guess when my mouth locks up, it could just be the stammer/stutter jumping to 110%? I'm not sure I guess. But yeah, it can cause problems sometimes as it's often interpreted negatively :-(

 

[selena]

Did you mean you just naturally gravitate toward being non-verbal, have been masking for years, and are now considering to unmask permanently by being non-verbal 100%?

Selective mutism isn't really the choice or a preference to not speak, per se. It's more like an anxiety-induced almost-physical condition where (for example) you're able to talk just fine at home with your family, but when a guest comes over you suddenly just can't be your chatty self, or when you're at work and you're sitting with a group of coworkers with the intention to socialize you suddenly just can't think of anything to say or find a way to get your mouth to open even if you WANT to.

As for whether it's possible to be non-verbal... yes, but due to the ableist nature of our society only to an extent. There are apps these days that will speak for you, and most people in casual situations are going to be understanding for your need to communicate that way. Unfortunately, the workplace is the one place where people are less likely to tolerate non-verbal people, especially if they know you're not Deaf (who in their eyes are the only people "allowed" to be mute).

 

[Sarara]

Did you mean you just naturally gravitate toward being non-verbal, have been masking for years, and are now considering to unmask permanently by being non-verbal 100%?

Selective mutism isn't really the choice or a preference to not speak, per se. It's more like an anxiety-induced almost-physical condition where (for example) you're able to talk just fine at home with your family, but when a guest comes over you suddenly just can't be your chatty self, or when you're at work and you're sitting with a group of coworkers with the intention to socialize you suddenly just can't think of anything to say or find a way to get your mouth to open even if you WANT to.

As for whether it's possible to be non-verbal... yes, but due to the ableist nature of our society only to an extent. There are apps these days that will speak for you, and most people in casual situations are going to be understanding for your need to communicate that way. Unfortunately, the workplace is the one place where people are less likely to tolerate non-verbal people, especially if they know you're not Deaf (who in their eyes are the only people "allowed" to be mute).

thats why i was wondering if it was actually selective mutism, because i can talk if i have to. but yes i feel like i want to be mute, and yes ive been masking for years.
my un masking isnt really a choice at this point.
ive always been a quieter person and i withdraw when i think and process and if anything goes wrong so i think that might be part of it

 

[wraith]

I hate it when I'm forced or expected to talk, I have like zero social skills and all I'm good for is staring into space.

 

[Sarara]

I hate it when I'm forced or expected to talk, I have like zero social skills and all I'm good for is staring into space.

im good for thinking, but verbalizing thoughts i suck at
my mother described me as a person who likes being around people, but not in the group