My wife and I have to fill out forms for a neuropsych evaluation for our 5-yr old son, but I struggle because she and I apparently see him through different lenses. One of the forms relates to autism where we seem to mostly agree, but I noticed that her responses are very different than mine on the form used to asses ADHD. For example, she checked "almost never" for him showing hand flapping or rocking in chair. The reality is that he is *constantly* rocking in his chair, spinning in it, tipping it, laying in it, or balancing precariously on the edge of it. She says he "occasionally" interrupts others but I rarely can finish a sentence when talking to my wife and he is in the same room. He is an awesome kid deep down but the reality is that parenting him is like constantly walking on eggshells and trying to keep his impulses under control. He has periods where he is well-regulated and amazing, but they are usually short lived, a day or two at most. I believe there is a way that he can learn to access this mental state much more frequently. I don't know exactly how, but maybe with more OT or ABA type help, or even medication down the road, we can get there.
I have difficulty managing situations where I disagree with my wife on things. I told her last night that I looked over the forms and that I think she and I see things very differently with respect to ADHD. I think we are going to make a photocopy of the form and send in two different sets of responses. She tends to shut down sometimes, so I can't push these types of discussions too hard. It is very difficult to talk about. I'm happy that she acknowledged that we are seeing the situation differently. I know that ADHD assessment is based almost entirely on parent and teacher feedback forms. "Occasional" vs. "often" on just one or two questions can be the difference between a diagnosis and not, and all associated access to support. She has mentioned that she is afraid of labeling him and seeing him differently and loving him less, but I've been seeing him differently for two years now ever since his preschool teachers brought their concerns to us. I'm growing a bit impatient for her to come to terms with the idea that he might have ADHD and/or ASD. When she sees good behavior she makes comments about how his struggles might just be a "phase". I am reasonably sure we could raise him without a diagnosis. But it would be a rockier road and a lot more difficult to figure out best paths forward. I spent probably about 25% of my mental energy over two decades -- that's hours per day -- assessing in my mind the question of "why am I different?" My mind went in some very wrong and confusing and damaging directions without any guidance from anyone of how to work through this question. I really don't want my son to have to go through that mental torture. I think it would be better to error on the side of having a diagnosis and getting some extra support.
I'm not entirely sure why I'm posting this. Had to get it off my mind, I suppose. I'm going to be direct with my concerns at his evaluation, and my hope is that the neuropsychologist will be direct with a diagnosis and recommendations.
I have difficulty managing situations where I disagree with my wife on things. I told her last night that I looked over the forms and that I think she and I see things very differently with respect to ADHD. I think we are going to make a photocopy of the form and send in two different sets of responses. She tends to shut down sometimes, so I can't push these types of discussions too hard. It is very difficult to talk about. I'm happy that she acknowledged that we are seeing the situation differently. I know that ADHD assessment is based almost entirely on parent and teacher feedback forms. "Occasional" vs. "often" on just one or two questions can be the difference between a diagnosis and not, and all associated access to support. She has mentioned that she is afraid of labeling him and seeing him differently and loving him less, but I've been seeing him differently for two years now ever since his preschool teachers brought their concerns to us. I'm growing a bit impatient for her to come to terms with the idea that he might have ADHD and/or ASD. When she sees good behavior she makes comments about how his struggles might just be a "phase". I am reasonably sure we could raise him without a diagnosis. But it would be a rockier road and a lot more difficult to figure out best paths forward. I spent probably about 25% of my mental energy over two decades -- that's hours per day -- assessing in my mind the question of "why am I different?" My mind went in some very wrong and confusing and damaging directions without any guidance from anyone of how to work through this question. I really don't want my son to have to go through that mental torture. I think it would be better to error on the side of having a diagnosis and getting some extra support.
I'm not entirely sure why I'm posting this. Had to get it off my mind, I suppose. I'm going to be direct with my concerns at his evaluation, and my hope is that the neuropsychologist will be direct with a diagnosis and recommendations.