Safety when Dating

[Ste11aeres]

There's a lot written on the internet about how to date, about how to get a date with someone, etc. There's relatively little advice written about how to stay safe during a date. (I'm not referring to safety as in "safe sex", here. I'm referring to safety as in not-getting-raped-or-murdered). And yet, such safety is important.

So here's a link to a pretty good article that I found on the subject.
http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/safedating.htm
Some of the wording is oriented towards women, and towards young women in particular. But most of the advice is helpful for anyone.

 

[Markymarkh]

Always use a condom and have sex in a busy safe well known hotel!

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Nice article, some really good advise on there!

Always use a condom and have sex in a busy safe well known hotel!

The OP clearly said that they they weren't talking about safe sex...

 

[AsheSkyler]

Looks like this was written by an Aspie. I offended so many people by getting right to the point when I'd reject people. "Sorry honey, but the top thing on my list is good father potential, and you're a drunk pothead with no direction. Bugger off".

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Looks like this was written by an Aspie. I offended so many people by getting right to the point when I'd reject people. "Sorry honey, but the top thing on my list is good father potential, and you're a drunk pothead with no direction. Bugger off".

haha, I've done this too when I was younger and still tentatively dating. After discovering that some people keep pressing after an attempt at a polite/subtle rejection, I figured (with typical aspie logic) that the acceptable thing to do was to be honest about why I wasn't interested. It resulted is some rather bad reactions. Looking back my favourite line was "I'm really sorry, but your moustache really creeps me out. I can't stop staring at it, lets not see each other again." I was completely serious too...

 

[King_Oni]

Looks like this was written by an Aspie. I offended so many people by getting right to the point when I'd reject people. "Sorry honey, but the top thing on my list is good father potential, and you're a drunk pothead with no direction. Bugger off".

I'm not entirely sure why this would be considered rude. I'd probably similar like that, just with different criteria. In a way, I know what I'm looking for (or even, what I'm not looking for). But at least you make clear what you want out of a relationship in it's most basic form. If people are offended by this... do we really have to beat around the bush this much then?

On the other hand; I've dated women in the past, who assumed too much. The assumption that everyone wants kids, a stable life and whatever, most likely, a lot of people, desire shouldn't be an assumption. So I totally agree with being straight forward in what you want.

 

[Ste11aeres]

Looks like this was written by an Aspie. I offended so many people by getting right to the point when I'd reject people. "Sorry honey, but the top thing on my list is good father potential, and you're a drunk pothead with no direction. Bugger off".

So far as I know, the author isn't actually an Aspie, but some of the more genuinely knowledgeable people in such things (My brother's really into reading about this kind of stuff; he's the one who refers me to sites like this) advise people to do things which are actually very Aspie-ish. One guy, Rory Miller, specifically advises people to break social rules. They are supposed to do things because they are socially unacceptable. This is in order to develop the social courage one will need if one is ever in a situation where the safest action is something that is socially unacceptable.

quotation from Rory Miller : Victims are good people.They don’t want to draw attention or make scenes.So they don’t set boundaries and they do put themselves in vulnerable positions.

 

[Warmheart]

I really love the link you posted. Very useful information! It does underscore the fact that my awareness is significantly compromised. (Inner world is the dominant default for me.) I do try to be mindful of new situations with someone, and when isolated outdoors.

I really admire you Stellaeres, and King Oni. Being kind and quite direct regarding criteria and suitability makes much sense.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I'm not entirely sure why this would be considered rude. I'd probably similar like that, just with different criteria. In a way, I know what I'm looking for (or even, what I'm not looking for). But at least you make clear what you want out of a relationship in it's most basic form. If people are offended by this... do we really have to beat around the bush this much then?

On the other hand; I've dated women in the past, who assumed too much. The assumption that everyone wants kids, a stable life and whatever, most likely, a lot of people, desire shouldn't be an assumption. So I totally agree with being straight forward in what you want.

I don't get it either. I got called a snob quite a few times. It's not like I wanted to drive a Ferrari and snack on truffles every night. I just wanted an adult that I didn't have to babysit or worry about finances due to their lack of frugality. I never understood that lifestyle.

So far as I know, the author isn't actually an Aspie, but some of the more genuinely knowledgeable people in such things (My brother's really into reading about this kind of stuff; he's the one who refers me to sites like this) advise people to do things which are actually very Aspie-ish. One guy, Rory Miller, specifically advises people to break social rules. They are supposed to do things because they are socially unacceptable. This is in order to develop the social courage one will need if one is ever in a situation where the safest action is something that is socially unacceptable.

quotation from Rory Miller : Victims are good people.They don’t want to draw attention or make scenes.So they don’t set boundaries and they do put themselves in vulnerable positions.

I gotta agree with that Rory Miller guy. People may be really rude and condescending if you stand up for yourself, but it'll deter some of the worse things that could happen to you.