Routine changes

[Grondhammar]

Tonight I was sitting with my family, going through the week to make sure we knew who needed the car -- where people were going, what needed to be done. Logistics sort of stuff.

Something came up that my daughter had forgotten about. Then my son added two things later in the week. Then my wife had three things to add to the schedule tomorrow. I think by the end there were eleven events or to-do's that had been added that weren't there when we started. Then everyone else got up and left, and I was at the table kind-of in shock.

I got my formal diagnosis a month or so ago. Tonight is the first time I've consciously recognised the effect of autism in the moment -- desperately wanting/needing the routine to stay the same, having that fall to pieces, feeling sluggish and heavy-brained, stimming to self-regulate. Everyone else was just fine with this and zipped right through. It's seriously taken me two hours of gentle self-care consciously not thinking about any of it to feel like I can manage it. Now I've made a list, and have a calendar, and can put all these things together so they make sense for me. Life will be ok.

It sounds so simple. But it seems like an NT superpower, being able to process stuff like this in seconds.

I'm looking for suggestions how to deal with routine changes -- both managing them personally, and letting NT folks know I'm struggling.

I think Neonatal talked in another thread about being up-front about it -- being self-aware enough to know when we're having "autistic moments" and just saying so in some way or another, so everyone's aware. I can see how this would disarm the hidden-problem sort of social dynamic completely. But I find that I'm terrible in the moment at finding the right thing to say. Maybe I need to script something.

Any thoughts, either on 1) letting the NT folks know I'm not keeping up, or 2) managing routine changes yourself?

 

[717]

I dont know... routine changes really upset me...

The only thing that kind of help me is to have alternative routines... like my routines usually break the same few ways, so ones I figure this out I was able to create routines for every one of this situations...

So I basically have different back packs on the trunk of my car, for different routines, and some of them have repeat things but also specific to the routines... so lest say you have something prep and ready for each event, so you are ready for what you have on the schedule and then they say schedule changed, so at least it didnt got you totally unprepared, you at least have a plan then.

 

[Outdated]

I was always a very organised person and used to dealing with fluid plans all the time and had no problem as long as I was given enough warning about having to change my plans. Surprising me at the last minute usually resulted in a temper tantrum.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I generally don't have a problem with change that is a genuine improvement. Anything else is grrr.

Change just for change sake is just evil.

 

[maleonolo]

To everyone here, are your routines time-based or step-based? Do you have to do things at a specific time or just in a specific order at any time?

 

[the_tortoise]

To everyone here, are your routines time-based or step-based? Do you have to do things at a specific time or just in a specific order at any time?

Step based.

For me, routines are really just a natural way for me to compensate for very slow processing speed, shockingly terrible working memory, and almost non-existent sense of time; All of which consequently produce difficulties with prioritization and sequencing.

Routines also help a bit with easy distractability -- if the order is always the same, next step more often automatically gets cued by mental autopilot/default setting. So I don't actually have to remember what I was doing 5 minutes or 10 seconds ago because long term memory is being used instead or short term/working memory.

 

[717]

To everyone here, are your routines time-based or step-based? Do you have to do things at a specific time or just in a specific order at any time?

some are time based some are not, but all of mine are broken into steps.

 

[maleonolo]

Step based.

For me, routines are really just a natural way for me to compensate for very slow processing speed, shockingly terrible working memory, and almost non-existent sense of time; All of which consequently produce difficulties with prioritization and sequencing.

Routines also help a bit with easy distractability -- if the order is always the same, next step more often automatically gets cued by mental autopilot/default setting. So I don't actually have to remember what I was doing 5 minutes or 10 seconds ago because long term memory is being used instead or short term/working memory.

I see, have you recorded down what routines you need? Also just curious but do you know your IQ?

 

[Grondhammar]

So I basically have different back packs on the trunk of my car, for different routines, and some of them have repeat things but also specific to the routines

Oh, I love this idea! It appeals to the process engineer inside... basically having contingency plans built into the physical space. I'll have to give this some thought.

To everyone here, are your routines time-based or step-based? Do you have to do things at a specific time or just in a specific order at any time?

What an interesting question. I never really thought about it. I'm time-based, probably due to how time-bound my job is and how often I have to coordinate on a timed basis with kids' activities/family events/etc.

 

[maleonolo]

I have wondered this for a while, humans (including NTs) are said to be creatures of habit. Why are autistic people singled out as needing routines to function?

 

[Grondhammar]

I don't know of any neuro-level explanation... there may be one. But according to some of the many pieces of info I received after diagnosis, it's due to a broadly classified characteristic called RRBI (restricted and repetitive behaviours and interests).

The part of RRBI that drives what's seen as an exceptional difficulty with changes of routine is basically a combination of wanting things to be well ordered, knowing what the future holds, having precise information that makes sense. All these things contribute to a lower cognitive load. This helps make life more manageable (at least, for those like me who have intense difficulty with the quick processing of new information).

From the little sample here, it sounds like some folks even within the autistic community don't have as intense a need as I do for things to all be settled. As always, it's a spectrum. I imagine NT folks are along the same spectrum but on what's considered the "manageable" end of it. I don't know where they draw the line on "exhibits RRBI" and "doesn't".