removed

[Yeshuasdaughter]

removed

 

[Rodafina]

So sad you must endure this hardship.
Wishing you much love and strength.

 

[NB79]

Sorry to hear you are going through pain, there is no way to forbid this person from entering the house?

 

[Aspychata]

Why do we get tested continuously? I can't even imagine how horrible it is to walk in your steps. Yet, you come here and always behave and write gracefully. Thank you for helping me to be better too. I try best to not spew hate and anger. Glad you stood your ground. You were there for your father. Please take care.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

That sounds horrible. I don’t know why or how people act like that. Somehow they know and seek out the gentle souls who can’t fight back.

I had tea one day with a woman whose estranged husband had kidnapped her one week-old infant daughter. She did not know even where the baby was.

Although she must have been out of her mind worried, she told me, “I know my baby has a Higher Power watching over her, too.”

Perhaps that thought might be of some comfort to you.

 

[kriss72]

Sorry to hear about your struggles, it sounds really terrible and I really don't know of any good advice, sounds like you tried everything.

Remember to protect yourself, that it is ok to say no or enough!, and that it is better to do so before you reach your limit.

Your good heart is an inspiration to the rest of us, sending my love and support.

 

[Alexej]

I am being a terrible mom.

I love my parents. My parents need my support and my presence to help them. I am already disabled.

HI @Yeshuasdaughter - you are not a bad mother. I have seen how you care for your daughter and have worked to help her, and how you have helped your parents.

This is all so unfair
Praying for strength and wisdom for you

 

[Alexej]

@Yeshuasdaughter
How are things going today?

 

[oregano]

The truth is, the situation where you live has been created by people who are blinded by ideology, who throw down edicts from ivory towers where their private guards ensure that they will never be confronted by a feral dope fried relative who breaks into their homes and screams and attacks people who are old and sick and who are given free reign because of somebody else's need to prove their ideas "right". When the powerful suffer no consequences while the peasantry living far away bear the brunt of the former's social engineering, and the police simply laugh and leave if they bother responding at all, there is no justice or freedom.

 

[Celestine]

I stood up to this other relative. Trying to keep him away from my mother and my daughter. I was loud and forceful. And this other relative was louder and more forceful.

This relative was under the delusion that he was loving and protecting us, when really he was harming all of us.

Now I am so exhausted.

I am traumatized from being abused in nearly every way one can be abused by a close relative.


All I know is that my elderly parents need my help. And this other relative is unstoppable.

I do love this other relative very much, and I would in a heartbeat, give them both my kidneys, should they need them.

But I cannot abide them. I do not ever wish to see them again.

My dream life would be no contact at all ever again.

@Yeshuasdaughter
Dear Yeshuasdaughter,

I know this. I know your suffering. Your relative sounds very much like both my brother and my father. I have some ideas to impart to you for contemplation.

First of all, I grew up with two family members, the men, who were just like your relative, my brother especially. He abused me for as far back as I can remember. Mercilessly verbally abused me and violently eviscerated me with his words and his fury, until I would be bawling--and this happened in the presence of others, including my mother, who were content to sit in silence and watch the emotional massacre of me. My mother's significant other also sometimes went into a rage at me as well, also in front of others. My father, of course, raged in the same way at me, often at the dinner table every year of my teen and pre-teen life, always ending in me running bawling into my room after he dismissed me from the table. After all these decades, I am still trying to overcome health issues, deeply embedded trauma and anxiety from my brother and father's abuse.

Listen, you may be religious, and it may be your religion that is telling you you have to love your family members and sacrifice your well-being and the well-being of your daughter and your other loved ones, but you don't.

I do love this other relative very much, and I would in a heartbeat, give them both my kidneys, should they need them.

But I cannot abide them. I do not ever wish to see them again.

My dream life would be no contact at all ever again.

These sentences represent a strong contradiction. What you write about your relative-never wanting to see him again and dreaming not to have have them in your life at all--you just described exactly what I have wished for decades about my brother and my father. I would never "give myself" to either one of them in the way that you say you would give yourself to your abusive relative. Never. Both my brother and father hate me, no matter what they would say about me saying that. Like your relative, my father's idea of love is to emotionally and mentally abuse and deviously manipulate people.

The best thing you could do for yourself, for your daughter and your parents is to change the locks on all the doors and change your phone number, make it unlisted and get that relative out of your life. That is difficult without police to protect you--it depends just how much violence and damage he is willing to do.

This is just my opinion, but anyone or any group who criticizes you or berates you for getting an abusive person out of your life and who wants you to put your head on the chopping block and put the ax in his hand and let him fell the ax on your neck, metaphorically speaking, is another very bad influence for you to have in your life, and for your daughter and your parents to keep in their lives.

I know your suffering, believe me. I've lived in that level of trauma and exhaustion for my entire life. I only just last year realized that many crippling, inexplicable decades-long symptoms--dizziness, perpetual weakness and tiredness and intense anxiety--all stem from having to interact with my brother--and that's only by email. Last summer I made a long overdue decision to stop all contact with him. And then with my father as well. Not helped by the fact that my mother still wants me to allow my brother to abuse me, because in her eyes (and in my father's eyes) my brother can do no wrong to me.

My heart goes out to you and I hope you and your loved ones will find peace. Unfortunately, I, myself, have not been able to manage my own situation well enough to avoid multiple health issues (in addition to the mental health ones). I did not want to block them out of my life either. Everyone in my family was gas-lighting me, whenever I'd try to reason with them about the situation, and made me think I was wrong. But I finally realized that my father and my brother were slowly killing me and they had already been slowly killing me for decades, and I allowed it, because I hated myself and thought I deserved to be abused, and I didn't even think I deserved to be alive; I was taking up other people's oxygen.

I don't know how, but I do know the best thing for you to do for yourself and for your daughter is to get that person out of your life. Do not let your daughter grow up thinking she has to submit herself to abusive people. Life is too short, and, frankly, painful enough without carrying around a burden like that.

 

[Aspychata]

Yes, l have the same of the father, son dynamic. I thought it was because he was my step-father. And l felt unliked. But yet l still had to tolerate him. I refused to let my daughter stay alone with my family. I was afraid of him. But l digress. Please stay strong. Count to ten. And don't put yourself in a dangerous situation just because they are a relative.

 

[Alexej]

heart racing. but safe. remembering gratitude.

Remember that YOU are good, and your heart is good. You are precious, and your well being is important to Yeshua.
May you know grace and wisdom, and also peace.

 

[The Pandector]

I've had a very scary past week. A relative had serious medical needs. None of my other relatives visited this person in the hospital. This relative was facing a very serious diagnosis, and I wanted this relative to know he is loved and that we wanted them to pull through.

I visited this relative twice. The first time, the visit started out surprisingly nice. But by the end this relative was being abusive. Yes, from a hospital bed.

I took a day off to rest. I went back two days later and the relative was looking happier and healthier. This relative was even kinder and friendlier and more normal seeming at the beginning of the visit. But by the end they were far more abusive than the first time.

This relative was supposed to have a long hospital stay, but once said relative discovered they could stand up on their own and walk, they checked themself out of the hospital. This relative tried even to go down the elevator with me to get out. I yelled at said person and a nurse came up and guided them out of the elevator in an attempt to put them back to their room. I left in a hurry so that this relative would not follow me out of the hospital.

The following day, I went to my father's house, to care for him. My father is very ill. He just had surgery, and he has other very serious health needs. It was really nice at first. My daughter and I spent time watching and talking about Star Trek. Then my mom came home, and I helped her navigate some important personal needs online. It was really nice.

But this other relative that isn't even supposed to be out of the hospital showed up. It turns out they convinced the hospital social worker, because of the serious medical need, to hook them up with a hotel room less than a mile from my parents' place, for a week. I don't know how or why.

This other relative was talking crazy and behaving erratically. This day, the relative was not physically abusive, as they had witnesses, but they were extremely emotionally and mentally abusive to us all. And they would not leave. This relative hovered over spitting out the most violent vulgar things, and would not shutup.

I was so overwhelmed and scared from our previous visit. Just constantly for hours and hours berated. Everyone in the family was afraid. We all tried to sort of try to not attract attention.

My father even though he is physically weakened, tried his hardest to protect us and to stand up to this other relative. Finally my father collapsed in his chair, bowed over, and out of strength, saying "I can't take this, I physically can't take this. This could kill me. You've got to stop." But the other relative kept going.

I stood up to this other relative. Trying to keep him away from my mother and my daughter. I was loud and forceful. And this other relative was louder and more forceful.

This relative was under the delusion that he was loving and protecting us, when really he was harming all of us.

Now I am so exhausted.

I am traumatized from being abused in nearly every way one can be abused by a close relative.

I slept nearly the past 24 hours, and I want to sleep more. My loving daughter wakes me up to eat.

I have had two meltdowns today where I yelled and screamed "No words! No talking! Just let me be!"

I am being a terrible mom.

I have tried reporting this bad relative to the authorities many times. Every authority you could imagine. No one does anything.

I love my parents. My parents need my support and my presence to help them. I am already disabled.

And this other relative just walks into their house, freely, like shrapnel in a supercell.

My life is hell. I am alone in this. We are all isolated. And nothing can be done to change anything.

Every time I go to my parents' house, I put myself at risk. If I stay away, he unleashes his torrents on elderly people.

The police and sheriffs are defunded where I live. Drugs are legal. Nothing can be done.

All I know is that my elderly parents need my help. And this other relative is unstoppable.

I do love this other relative very much, and I would in a heartbeat, give them both my kidneys, should they need them.

But I cannot abide them. I do not ever wish to see them again.

My dream life would be no contact at all ever again.

There is a disease. It is called "Beriberi" it's from an African dialect. It means "I cannot. I cannot."

I have found myself crying and without strength saying "Beriberi". Because I simply cannot handle anything right now. Only sleep and the most gentle tones.

I hug a pillow and hold my own hands, under the blankets, and sleep.

And it's all I can do.

My worries are making me sick. I feel so weak. My throat hurts, probably from yelling the other day. My head hurts. I'm frightened. And I can't take any stress.

I am so glad to have survived cancer. And I am very blessed in most of my life. But this one relative is making it hell.

I wish them every blessing, but every problem in my life spawns from this relative's behavior.

I hurt for you, sister. I know you know God is bigger than all of this, but I also know how hard it can be to keep that in mind in the midst of the flames. Remember who also stands with us in the furnace. You may feel helpless, but you are not hopeless.

 

[The Pandector]

i took a day off of answering calls from relatives.

i went to church and windowshopping. i didn't go home until i was physically fatigued and couldn't hold myself up. it was nice (other than the weird morning). i literally cannot walk today, i did so much yesterday.

but here i am again in it. i am so exhausted. lonely.

they're old and fragile. they need me. i can't turn my back.

it's not like this clean thing where there's abuse and you can go no contact.

the fact is, my parents need me.

and i'm tired of being hurt. i am so alone in this. i can't send my daughter to help, cos she could get hurt.

there is no stopping this other relative.

the abusive relative has four warrants out and because of our police and sherriffs being defunded, they don't even get arrested for anything, no matter how violent.

sobbing.

We need a new response symbol, as my heart breaks for you. Sometimes I have great difficulty remembering that the Lord won’t give us more than we can bear, so it’s hard to remind you right now. But we know it’s true.

 

[Aspychata]

I think he gave you too much @Yeshuasdaughter . Tell him you need the return policy right now. I have few glaring issues l gotta return too.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Praying.