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Relationships baffle me

I

InfinityRose

Well-Known Member
Okay, I know there are probably dozens of threads like this, but I think my problem runs deeper than simply finding it difficult to get into a relationship. Because the thing is, I have had guys express interest in me and ask me out, even if it's not that often. And most of those times, I have said yes. But it wasn't because I was attracted to them, but because I enjoyed the feeling of being liked for once and just having a desire to have a boyfriend because that's what I thought you are supposed to do. Of course, I know now that's a terrible mistake.

It's not that I've never had a crush before, it's just that it's extremely rare when it happens, and the guys I like never seem to like me back, or even notice me. I am in college and I've never even kissed anyone, and it's been years since I've had a legitimate crush on a real person.

So, how do you meet someone that you like and who likes you back? It seems very difficult to me and I'm afraid I'm never going to experience being in love.
 
I have only experienced being in love once and mostly that what just by chance unfortunately. There's so many steps that lead to falling in love especially with how complicated the dating scene is now that falling in love is almost like playing the Silver Surfer game where if you steer off course of or make any slight mistake you die and have to start over with someone else.
1.You have to meet at the right place at the right time.
2.Have similar interests or be able to hold conversation.
3. You both have to be attracted to each other.
4.You go on dates.
5. You have to say all the right things at the exactly the right time.
6. Tou have to stay in touch and communicate but not too little and not too much.
7.You can do all of those right but one day they could disappear, stop answering your calls and they'll never tell you why.(Back to step one)
or
8. You have a relationship. And that's where the real work begins.

Relationships are relentlessly complex. Take everything Aspies struggle with and multiply that times 1000 and you essentially have dating.
 
Wait for fate?

I've no idea how to answer this.
I never had an interest in even having a boyfriend until
I was 24. Don't know why, but, a man 3 yrs. older than me where I was working overseeing the production of a local Boat Trader magazine was hired as a proof reader caught my attention one night.
They had just played a song on the radio and the DJ said this is for everyone who just found their soulmate.
I was walking past the guy and he looked at me and said,
"I know what they mean." And smiled.
Next thing you know he asked me out and I felt something I had never felt before. He was my first boyfriend and first kiss. We never got to the sex part as it was short lived and we broke up over differences.

So that was my first boyfriend and it happened unexpectedly.
 
SusanLR said:
Wait for fate?

I've no idea how to answer this.
I never had an interest in even having a boyfriend until
I was 24. Don't know why, but, a man 3 yrs. older than me where I was working overseeing the production of a local Boat Trader magazine was hired as a proof reader caught my attention one night.
They had just played a song on the radio and the DJ said this is for everyone who just found their soulmate.
I was walking past the guy and he looked at me and said,
"I know what they mean." And smiled.
Next thing you know he asked me out and I felt something I had never felt before. He was my first boyfriend and first kiss. We never got to the sex part as it was short lived and we broke up over differences.

So that was my first boyfriend and it happened unexpectedly.
Click to expand...

I suppose that is the only thing to do. I think my problem is that maybe I have unrealistic expectations or I'm just really picky in general. But, I don't know what I can do about that? I can't force myself to be attracted to people I'm not.

Well, I guess I'll just hope for the best. I don't need a relationship right now, but I would like to have one later on. I guess I'm just afraid it's only going to get harder and harder to meet people once I'm out of school.
 
A 2 way relationship is very difficult.
I'e loved ,I think.
But those people didn't love me.
I've also had people love me I think but I've just been like a dead fish to them .
This is a problem in general but I feel it' made worse by how I am .
It' makes me very alone
 
It's a terrible answer, but it's true: it'll either happen or it won't. You can't force feelings, there will be unrequited love and rejection, and that sucks. But chances are you'll bump into someone down the road who is just as much into you as you are into him. Having an active social life, being a well-rounded person and being comfortable in your own skin increase your chances in the dating world, but there's no guarantees. Although I can guarantee you that being with someone because you like the feeling of being wanted is going to blow up in your face at some point. But judging from your post, you seem to have figured that out as well ;)
 
Almost the same as it used to be for me! I "got" my first boyfriend when I was 16 and only went out because it was nice to be admired and consequently, the few ofter him, were only because I was too surprised that they were interested in me, to actually say no!

I believe dating back in the 80's etc, were a considerably easier than now. It was a case of: I really fancy you; will you be my girlfriend? And went from there and it was really like walking in the dark for me.

Relationships are about two contrasting people getting together because of finding attraction too much to walk away and so, throw off all the little bits of: but we do not seem to have much in common etc. That was how it was for me, when I met my future husband. All I thought was: he wants to take care of me for the rest of my life and that was terribly appealing, due to my awful background. It never occurred to me that in fact, it was about looking after EACH OTHER. So, having to learn to not be selfish.

We have been married for 26 year's now and although we do struggle to get on, we have successes and he has been amazing lately, when I had an emergency operation.
 
Suzanne said:
Almost the same as it used to be for me! I "got" my first boyfriend when I was 16 and only went out because it was nice to be admired and consequently, the few ofter him, were only because I was too surprised that they were interested in me, to actually say no!

I believe dating back in the 80's etc, were a considerably easier than now. It was a case of: I really fancy you; will you be my girlfriend? And went from there and it was really like walking in the dark for me.

Relationships are about two contrasting people getting together because of finding attraction too much to walk away and so, throw off all the little bits of: but we do not seem to have much in common etc. That was how it was for me, when I met my future husband. All I thought was: he wants to take care of me for the rest of my life and that was terribly appealing, due to my awful background. It never occurred to me that in fact, it was about looking after EACH OTHER. So, having to learn to not be selfish.

We have been married for 26 year's now and although we do struggle to get on, we have successes and he has been amazing lately, when I had an emergency operation.
Click to expand...

I'm glad you have found someone that you love. :) I know the way my mother always explained it was that it will just happen when it happens, and I think she is right for the most part, as long as you actually go outside and meet people (which I don't do much, unfortunately). So far I haven't had much luck, but I haven't completely given up. :)
 
InfinityRose said:
I'm glad you have found someone that you love. :) I know the way my mother always explained it was that it will just happen when it happens, and I think she is right for the most part, as long as you actually go outside and meet people (which I don't do much, unfortunately). So far I haven't had much luck, but I haven't completely given up. :)
Click to expand...
Going outside and meeting people sure helps, but meeting people online (in games, on forums, on dating sites) is also an option :)
 
Bolletje said:
Going outside and meeting people sure helps, but meeting people online (in games, on forums, on dating sites) is also an option :)
Click to expand...

I'm a little wary of dating sites to be honest, and I think my mother would have a heart attack if I ever tried using one, haha. I have met some people online through my current fandom on Tumblr, but unfortunately there hasn't been any attraction on either side, as far as I know. But ideally, it would be wonderful to meet someone through a shared interest like a fandom, especially in an online format. I find it much easier to communicate and open up online. :)
 
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