Rejection and the art of coping

[Zeno]

Sorry if this isn't the correct forum for it but I am curious to know if I am the only one here who has a hard time dealing with rejection. And moreover what are some ways in which some of you are able to cope with it?

For me, I find rejection(and I'm talking about BOTH romantic and social rejection), particularly when it happens repeatedly, to be frustrating more than anything else.
When I was younger it made me feel very indignant and helpless.

I do not need to be reminded that rejection is inevitable(that's pretty obvious and it's unhelpful). What makes it frustrating(in part cuz I have a high libido)is that not only am I not getting what I want, but I am unclear as to what I'm doing wrong and most peoples advice isn't effective when tried. And I am not asking for advice here about that.

So it has been happening quite frequently this year and I have become very isolated socially. The "therapist" I have is an old shrink who looks a lot like Sigmund Freud and has the same approach(lol).

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

I grew up fearing critiques and rejection a lot.

How to cope with rejection will vary, from person to person, as each person not only has different life experiences, and different sensitivities and stress tolerance levels, but different ways to process criticism and rejection, and preferred ways to deal with such.

One can tackle such rejection by, including but not limited to:

Blaming or finding fault with the other instead.

Rationalizing that rejection maybe is not bad, as if that other person does not like or want you, then it is not an equal fit, and could prevent even worse future pain for you, so better for it to happen now.

Finding some other positive in being rejected by that person.

Using humor.

Blaming themself, and trying better to understand what they could be doing wrong to either cause that rejection or to create less future rejections.

Fictionalizing what occurred, by visualizing it was not a rejection.

Building self esteem such that rejections are not as bothersome.

Focusing your mind on some other positive thing besides the rejection.

Brainstorming to see if that was really a rejection, or just a perceived rejection, as sometimes we can think things of rejections when they really are not.

Somehow, finding ways to read body language, expressions and gestures better, if possible, as we could then distance ourselves from those others giving us early signs of not being available, or of disinterest.

 

[Misery]

I dont do romance, but the social version happens to me alot.

It's that much worse if it's someone I've known for awhile, that happened a couple of months ago. Sure didnt do anything good for my mood.

And rarely is there ever a freaking explanation given. They usually just cut me off, and that's that.

Just... ugh. Lately, I rarely bother. I post on this forum in random topics, and that's about the extent of it.

 

[Progster]

This used to affect me when I was younger, now rarely. It used to upset me that people rejected me, or ignored me or didn't include me in their social activities. I don't try to get close to people or invest in people emotionally any more outside of immediate family, nor do I have many friends or much of a social life, so the potential for such a thing to happen is minimal.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Social rejection used to really upset me, but now I just accept that we are clearly not compatible and as such I am better of not being friends with them. Also remembering that I am not entitled to anyone's time or attention prevents any inclination I have to be annoyed with the other person.

 

[Bolletje]

I used to be deeply hurt by rejection, but I got used to it over the years.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I used to be deeply hurt by rejection, but I got used to it over the years.

Is that because everybody died?

(Call back to the other thread. Apologies for the intrusion)

Yes,rejection is a central theme to all this,for most of us, I think.

 

[GadAbout]

So it has been happening quite frequently this year and I have become very isolated socially. The "therapist" I have is an old shrink who looks a lot like Sigmund Freud and has the same approach(lol).

Probably the more socially isolated an individual is, the more vulnerable they are to any specific rejection, because it may represent up to 100% of their social network!

Several other commenters stated that it doesn't hurt as much as it used to because they just stopped trying.

I would argue against that, because I view social isolation as a real illness of the soul. People differ in how much socializing they need, but as a practical matter, we all need other people - for one thing or another.

Therefore, my way of coping with rejection is to have a broad-based (if superficial) social network. I also have been fortunate to develop a strong sense of who I am, recognize that I'm not everybody's cup of tea, and feel comfortable with that. You asked what others do to cope. This is what works for me.

 

[hatfullofrain]

Yes I agree. That's how I'm coping. By spending time with people who actually like me.

I'm really heart broken at the moment. It's been 6 months and I don't know how long it's going to take to get over because this person is unfortunately part of my life and I can't completely avoid him. I still have feelings for him and although I enjoy being around him I also feel really hurt and rejected. I don't know how I feel. Love and hurt all at the same time.

But spending time with other people has helped me a lot. So has focussing on my hobbies.

I'm looking for a good camera so I can improve my photography skills. I've saved up enough to get a decent camera. My goal is to get good enough that I can share my work and maybe people would like to buy it.

 

[Zeno]

Therefore, my way of coping with rejection is to have a broad-based (if superficial) social network.

That's probably the way that most people cope with it. I have a circle of friends but ATM I do not really have a broad-based social network whatsoever. And right now many of my friends are busy and/or being distant. It's also that time of year.

 

[Thinx]

Yes mostly the same as some others have said, I got used to it, and I care less than I did. However I gained skills and understanding over the years and have definitely become more user friendly! I find the issue is more that, due to high autistic traits or Aspergers, I am almost never in sufficient contact with anyone to develop a meaningful relationship.

I think this is because neurotypical socialising in unstructured situations is not suited to how I am, and therefore I rarely find any ways to meet anyone. I have built in skills to avoid interaction actually, I am not even sure myself how I do it, but for sure there's lack of eye contact, looking away, looking blank, looking uninterested even if I am very interested, etc.

The upside of this is, I rarely get specifically rejected, it's more generalised, the whole world fails to make contact with me.... I do think that if what you are experiencing is specific rejection, after having got into some sort of relating, there may be ways of working on your own strategies to improve this.