Receiving strong emotional expressions/pressure from others..

[risootser]

The Dark Side of Asperger’s

This article claims that autistic marry people with strong emotional characteristics and they can not handle those sort of people.

What are your experiences? Does it induce panic, depression or confusion?

I must admit that I hugely admire people who are emotional not just in light and jolly way because those people seem unjust missing the point but those who are emotionally directive and even prone to meltdowns or shakedowns and not in terms of poor emotional understanding. They make me feel alive.

 

[onlything]

I don't mind very emotional people, but we work quite a bit differently and I find it difficult to understand them, just like they seem at times unable or unwilling to understand me. For example, logical arguments just don't seem to work on them, so explaining your point of view becomes not only pointless but very exhausting, and since I am not as emotional, I have a hard time understanding their own.

It seems to be a basic difference in temperaments and I find that I may be very incompatible with people like that, especially if they are rather close-minded and self-righteous, or have little patience to explain me their kind of thinking. For example, I have received answers from such people after I asked why do they feel like it (mostly in regards to their perception that I don't care about them) in the form of 'I don't know, maybe you should care for once to guess it yourself?!'. I find it frustrating because no, even if I care, I cannot just guess it, and they find it frustrating because I just can't get it. Lack of calm, shouting and anger are triggers that cause me to shutdown, so a relationship with this kind of people can make me feel fundamentally flawed, depressed and panicky.

On the other hand, I was fortunate to meet some amazing emotional people with kindness and patience that were willing to spend time explaining their thought process to me. I found that thanks to them I learnt quite a bit on compassion, perspectives and care towards others and I understand NTs a bit more. Open-minded emotional people can be fascinating and show you the world from such a different perspective that it's simply baffling.

The problem, I find, is mostly in communication. They can be very irrational and we can be very rigid. It causes a lack of understanding and anger. Proper calm talking, without judgment, is the solution.

 

[risootser]

Ah, I tend to have lots of dramatic impressions (parallel drama) in my mind that I tend to keep within myself. Sometimes those splash out bit too heavily. I'm usually on top of them and sometimes bit skillful but not a master.

 

[Tom]

The article says: "Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for husbands with autism to marry highly emotional women..."

So they are stating that this type of match-up commonly occurs, not that it always happens.

But it gives no evidence/statistics to support the statement whatsoever. It is an article, not a study. In essence someone's opinion. So I don't take it very seriously. Yes, this type of match might happen but so do many other completely different types, for instance my own certianly doesn't match it. And it ignors autistic women entirely.

 

[Thinx]

Wow I can't believe that article got into a journal, it's so perjorative in it's descriptions and attributions for example, he claims that autistic people can't tell the difference between fact and fiction, which helps us to write science fiction but also means that we are likely to lie about actions of parents teachers etc and say we have been abused. What rubbish, based on no evidence!

To me this seems like an article that has slipped in some sentences that can then be quoted by defenders of abusers, as just as articles about the alleged false memory syndrome he alludes to here, are used.

Whoever is paying him to work in a university needs to sack him and donate his wages to a good cause. And the journal is bringing itself into disrepute by printing it. I'm guessing he must be a friend of someone on the anti autistic site you have downloaded it from.

 

[Pats]

My last husband fooled me. Before we got married he was easy going, not too loud, liked talking - which was great when we were among others (so I wouldn't have to). He told me he didn't like to argue and never yelled and was this and that and I believed him. After we got married he wanted to argue about everything, he'd come in to where I was and just start yelling at me. He hated if I was sleeping and would make sure I woke up - even to the point of pulling my hair then saying it was an accident. He'd trick me into going places I did not want to go. He refused to contribute to household expenses. He made sure that I didn't enjoy anything. If I was listening to music I liked when he got home, he'd turn it off and put on something else - if I sang along, he'd change it again until he found something that was more on the tortuous side.
I know for women, we're easy prey for narcissists.

I think one thing we ALL need to be careful of is finding someone who respects us and allows us to keep our comfort zones - if you lose that comfort zone you've lost you.
But then, not I'm learning that I probably was meant to be alone all along.

 

[risootser]

He is probably this guy

 

[Thinx]

Yes watch to the end as he is very negative. He says 'They' throughout, as in his article, and despite this being such a varied issue. Gosh with friends like him, who needs enemies.

 

[Aspychata]

I don't mind very emotional people, but we work quite a bit differently and I find it difficult to understand them, just like they seem at times unable or unwilling to understand me. For example, logical arguments just don't seem to work on them, so explaining your point of view becomes not only pointless but very exhausting, and since I am not as emotional, I have a hard time understanding their own.

It seems to be a basic difference in temperaments and I find that I may be very incompatible with people like that, especially if they are rather close-minded and self-righteous, or have little patience to explain me their kind of thinking. For example, I have received answers from such people after I asked why do they feel like it (mostly in regards to their perception that I don't care about them) in the form of 'I don't know, maybe you should care for once to guess it yourself?!'. I find it frustrating because no, even if I care, I cannot just guess it, and they find it frustrating because I just can't get it. Lack of calm, shouting and anger are triggers that cause me to shutdown, so a relationship with this kind of people can make me feel fundamentally flawed, depressed and panicky.

On the other hand, I was fortunate to meet some amazing emotional people with kindness and patience that were willing to spend time explaining their thought process to me. I found that thanks to them I learnt quite a bit on compassion, perspectives and care towards others and I understand NTs a bit more. Open-minded emotional people can be fascinating and show you the world from such a different perspective that it's simply baffling.

The problem, I find, is mostly in communication. They can be very irrational and we can be very rigid. It causes a lack of understanding and anger. Proper calm talking, without judgment, is the solution.

That was very nicely explained @onlything.

 

[risootser]

Sitting the furthest. I usually play it as situation calls for. If there are many people in the room and I'm the potential study subject it is best at least for me to stay apart from the center of the atmosphere in order not to be too agreeable and by sitting the furthest you can observe others and distribute pressure accordingly. This is unfriendly disposition but I take it if I need to. Usually diagnostic interviews fall in this category where personal familiarity should remain professionally low.

 

[Aspychata]

Think that overly emotional people can on some levels feel toxic. I feel regulating your emotional dump is healthier and shows maturity. I am definitely not against it, l just think there is a time and place for it. So l apply this to myself. But l defintely love to shower someone special with lots of passion. So it has it's place l believe.

 

[risootser]

Think that overly emotional people can on some levels feel toxic. I feel regulating your emotional dump is healthier and shows maturity. I am definitely not against it, l just think there is a time and place for it. So l apply this to myself.

Yes, but are these people's bread and butter emotions or are they emotionally stressed? Those who need to get their emotions sorted out by others are not typically very good at emotion [school shooters and similar can be such people like this one

].

 

[Aspychata]

Yes, this is why l am so happy these forums exist. This is to help others including myself that need this outlet and need help with understanding emotions. Finding that we all have feelings and have suffered a lot of the same type abuse is actually helpful.

Woman are often subjected to what the Ted Talk male is talking about. It's a way to groom and reprogram woman and set them up for systematic abuse. It was tried on me, but it was tried to late in my lifetime, so l can't flip into that mindset. I lived to many years alone and really can't be reprogrammed at this age. What you see is what you get!!

 

[Aspychata]

My last husband fooled me. Before we got married he was easy going, not too loud, liked talking - which was great when we were among others (so I wouldn't have to). He told me he didn't like to argue and never yelled and was this and that and I believed him. After we got married he wanted to argue about everything, he'd come in to where I was and just start yelling at me. He hated if I was sleeping and would make sure I woke up - even to the point of pulling my hair then saying it was an accident. He'd trick me into going places I did not want to go. He refused to contribute to household expenses. He made sure that I didn't enjoy anything. If I was listening to music I liked when he got home, he'd turn it off and put on something else - if I sang along, he'd change it again until he found something that was more on the tortuous side.
I know for women, we're easy prey for narcissists.

I think one thing we ALL need to be careful of is finding someone who respects us and allows us to keep our comfort zones - if you lose that comfort zone you've lost you.
But then, not I'm learning that I probably was meant to be alone all along.

Hey Pat:
I think l was married to his brother. I defintely was run through the same scheme as you. I do remember your past posts. In some ways l feel our children saved us because we fought to keep them safe, and as a result we worked towards safety for ourselves. My narsistic parasite ex still thinks he can get me back. I shudder thinking about this. I can live and be miserable by myself, l don't need a man for that. Lol.

 

[Matthias]

The Dark Side of Asperger’s

https://theneurotypical.com/the-broader-autism-phenotype.html

I read the whole paper and could relate to so much of it. I suffered from rigid thinking patterns my entire life until recently that caused nearly all of the problems mentioned.

This article claims that autistic marry people with strong emotional characteristics and they can not handle those sort of people.

What are your experiences? Does it induce panic, depression or confusion?

I must admit that I hugely admire people who are emotional not just in light and jolly way because those people seem unjust missing the point but those who are emotionally directive and even prone to meltdowns or shakedowns and not in terms of poor emotional understanding. They make me feel alive.

I never married but I guess it would depend on which emotions were being expressed. I always like being around happy, warm, positive people but I never liked being around neurotic people who get upset and overly emotional over every little thing especially since people like that can't think rationally.

 

[Pats]

Hey Pat:
I think l was married to his brother. I defintely was run through the same scheme as you. I do remember your past posts. In some ways l feel our children saved us because we fought to keep them safe, and as a result we worked towards safety for ourselves. My narsistic parasite ex still thinks he can get me back. I shudder thinking about this. I can live and be miserable by myself, l don't need a man for that. Lol.

Possibly. And I think my ex thinks I might eventually come back, too, even though I've told him I'm happy alone and that will never happen. What is it? I don't know if you're like me, but if you walk away it's after a lot of thought and no going back.

 

[risootser]

I never married but I guess it would depend on which emotions were being expressed. I always like being around happy, warm, positive people but I never liked being around neurotic people who get upset and overly emotional over every little thing especially since people like that can't think rationally.

Yeah. I do not care rational thinking in others if they appreciate it. Take part in dramatic emotion and start to think together gradually. Neurotic expression if it seeks for conflict is not in my favour.

 

[risootser]

I read the whole paper and could relate to so much of it. I suffered from rigid thinking patterns my entire life until recently that caused nearly all of the problems mentioned.

Keeping in mind that origins of disorders are unclear and these diagnosis are human made constructions and not really objective - have you ever thought about OCD (whatever its origins are) as the ultimate social disorder for you because infants are really helpless when facing these things?

 

[Aspychata]

Possibly. And I think my ex thinks I might eventually come back, too, even though I've told him I'm happy alone and that will never happen. What is it? I don't know if you're like me, but if you walk away it's after a lot of thought and no going back.

Why do they think we would sign up for more? I am not a supplier for him. That's what they look for. You can always pm if you need support. My ex visits my mom in the hopes l will see him. He uses my mom as bait to get me back.

 

[Aspychata]

Keeping in mind that origins of disorders are unclear and these diagnosis are human made constructions and not really objective - have you ever thought about OCD (whatever its origins are) as the ultimate social disorder for you because infants are really helpless when facing these things?

OCD was considered part of hoarding disorder but they now no longer think that. I worked with OCD person and she was okay to work with but she would become undone if she couldn't balance out cash. I worked with her and we calmly cashed out. She really appreciated that.