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Reading Body Language - Consciously Using It

Just a thought. Alike people gravitate to one another.

People with quirks often attract others with quirks (just as bland often attracts bland) ... Doesn't have to be ND/ND... There are a whole bunch of different quirks, kinks and twists to people in this world.
 
DogzSpirit said:
Just a thought. Alike people gravitate to one another.

People with quirks often attract others with quirks (just as bland often attracts bland) ... Doesn't have to be ND/ND... There are a whole bunch of different quirks, kinks and twists to people in this world.
Click to expand...

I’ve always liked and concurred with BOTH of these sayings:
“Birds of a feather flock together.”
“Opposites attract.”

:)
 
Danielle Sisco said:
She kept asking me if it was gone. I would say, "no it's still there." I admit that I was grossed out. I have a weird thing about people mouths. I hate it when they pick their teeth in front of me.

….And I was like, "do you even know how hard it was for me to tell you?" She then mirrored my mannerism back, which as painful as it is to watch, is pretty spot on. And I really did sound like a real jerk. I realized, maybe for the first time, that my words, which were fine when written out, were correct but they were lost in my tone of voice and body language. Well dang! That's why I get into so many fights with the people I love. Great! I do realize my wife was a jerk too, for spitting out words she did not mean. Again though, words mean so little so I shouldn't have taken it so personally. I cried myself to sleep.
Click to expand...

I’ve been thinking about this some more…about how my husband and I would have handled this situation etc.

You asked, “Do you even know how hard it was for me to tell you?” Here’s the thing… I am guessing she, in fact, did not know this. You didn’t convey it in real time (only afterward), and she couldn’t read your mind.

When she kept asking you to look again, for tone and body language, I might have perhaps made a soft whine (akin to a dog’s) to show distress, mock-covered my eyes while peeking between my fingers (light humor that nonetheless contains a germ of truth) and said: “It’s really hard for me to look at teeth ONE time… Please be gentle with me.”

I respectfully submit for your consideration: try clueing her in on your discomfort *while* it’s happening, so you might be able to work together as a team to resolve ALL conflicts….plural. There were, in fact, two conflicts. She wanted the gunk out of her teeth; you wanted to minimize the assault on your senses. You were doing your best to help her, but she didn’t realize that she also needed to help you (in your goal of helping her). She made HER mounting distress perfectly clear to you, but you didn’t similarly convey yours until after the fact.

I absolutely know that feeling of when a simple conflict escalates into a heated exchange that leaves both parties way more upset than they needed to be if the communication had gone smoother. To me, the best relationships aren’t the flawless ones with no problems (do those even exist?) but the ones where both parties are committed to learning and growing and working through issues together. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. Happily married 28 years. :)
 
Next time there is gunk on the teeth, just throw your hands up high and state the obvious and add none of your personal garments are to be used in the exorcising of the demons from her mouth. It could be the start of your comedy standup routine. Lol.
 
Hmmm...

Can't say that would happen to my spouse and I.

Me: "Hey, You've got a big chunk of spinach between your teeth. The left side of the left incisor." Maybe point on my own teeth to show her.

Her: "Is it gone?"

Me: "Nope. Let's get some kind of toothpick." Which I might actually have. I sometimes keep tooth flossers in my pocket if I expect to dine out. Or my Swiss army knife which includes a toothpick.

Grabs my shirt sleeve and wipes. Me: "You're washing that shirt tonight!"

Her: "Nobody can see it. Wash your own shirt."

Me: Heavy sigh.
 
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