Questions asking for advice...

[Mary Terry]

There's an expression to describe overflow of information: 'ask someone what time it is and they tell you how to build a clock.' It's kind of NT code for the situation you described. The desire to go beyond a simple response is universal. Many NTs do it, too.

 

[TempeFan]

Yep. You said average - not all. So yep.

Aspies tend to be more interested in the truth, actually wanting the information, even welcoming the other person's point of view, so they usually have a logical (deeper) reason for asking the question. NTs tend to be more interested in social status, actually expecting and even preferring a lie that strokes their ego by validating their point of view and often have other various (shallow) reasons for asking, like making small talk and gaining support for their agenda. Knowledge is secondary or irrelavant. The acronym TMI comes to mind.

 

[Nervous Rex]

Most people, when they ask about something, they want to know just enough to get by. They don't want Ph.D. level mastery on how to read maps, time traffic lights, optimize gas mileage and track coupons. They just want to get to the store, get their stuff, and go home.

It took me a while to learn that when someone asked me to explain something, they didn't want to know absolutely everything about it (And I would think, "Well, why wouldn't everyone want to know every last detail about something?")

I have to continually work at shortening explanations, stories, etc. When I was young, my mother once said, "Rex doesn't do anything halfway." Time and again, I realize how true that is.

 

[offkey]

"Rex doesn't do anything halfway."

Then I suppose I'm not the only All-or-Nothing-kind of person in here.

 

[OlLiE]

communication is a two way street,
the question asked may not need or warrant an in-depth nuanced answer

either the questioner is not making this clear, or you are not reading the signals

stupid example: if someone asks 'how are you doing' in a social context:
the asker does not 'expect' or want a biological, psychological and physical analysis with an in depth analysis of what has led to the current situation

it's not that they are shallow, they are using context to define the required parameters of a possible answer, which can lead to a shorter answer

if you miss the context, you have to cover many more bases to give an adequate and comprehensive answer, which would lead to longer more nuanced replies, which however may not 'respect' the context in which the question was originally asked and may be considered inappropriate

 

[Nervous Rex]

It's not that they are shallow, they are using context to define the required parameters of a possible answer, which can lead to a shorter answer

if you miss the context, you have to cover many more bases to give an adequate and comprehensive answer, which would lead to longer more nuanced replies, which however may not 'respect' the context in which the question was originally asked and may be considered inappropriate

I think that most people have a natural ability to filter out and throw away information that they don't need.

Lacking - to some degree - the ability to tell the useful from the useless, I try to remember everything.

So, I count the number of lampposts on Edison street, because I'm sure it'll be important to know someday.

I recite every detail I can remember when telling a story, because leaving part of it out is robbing the listener of information that I've gathered.

And sometimes, when there is too much information for me to absorb all at once, I get overwhelmed.

But then, I think of how I quickly dismiss names, hobbies, and occupations of people I meet in social settings. Maybe I filter information just as well as others, but my filters have very different settings.

 

[Gr82bk8]

To me, the obvious is obvious. I’ve found to others, often what I consider obvious is some kind of mystical answer. Is the average NT really this shallow?

I'm NT and this happens to me all the time. Once I was venting about it to a law school professor who stopped me and said, "you do realize, very few people are interested, patient, and intelligent enough to engage in the kind of three dimensional thinking your brain naturally applies to everything. Cut them some slack. They don't even know what they don't know, even though every conceivable angle is plainly obvious to you." Until then it never occurred to me the normal way my brain thinks isn't the way everyone else naturally thinks. I learned to stop assuming people thought the way i did, started asking more questions to suss out how and what they WERE thinking, and have experienced far less daily consternation as a result.

Also, on another note, I second what others on this thread have mentioned about social conventions. A lot of times NTs ask questions just to make polite conversation. It's called "small talk" for a reason... most people in those situations aren't seeking big ideas, big explanations, or big revelations. If the context isn't obviously intellectual and the person isn't someone you know well and/or have engaged with on a satisfying intellectual level before, chances are good they're not looking for intellectual discourse now.

 

[Otenba]

Many here are correct in that usually they don't really care beyond "I'm fine", "No thank you", etc.

This took me a while to get my head around because I usually say no to invitations to things for health reasons and I used to think I was helping the situation if they wanted me to go by explaining why I was saying no (tbh it was in the hope that they'd help me attend and y'know be the friend I thought they were trying to become by inviting me), but they just simply don't care really.

I've had a chat with my manager at work about why my work colleagues invite everyone to things, and they explained that I was not entitled to them to be accommodating which was aggravating since I'd rather not be asked if they didn't care if I went or not - they then tell me this is something that will upset everyone in the office though so I have to just put up with their stupid social rules to keep peace in the office. I say their social rules because I still have some hope that not everyone in the world applies this backwards logic.

Them only ask for "saving their own face" reasons which has left me feeling like I cannot trust any of them, and makes me appreciate what lengths people go to when they're insecure. Being around them is like torture some days as a result because you know that you saying no to their event gives them the okay in their minds to ostracise you, and also they don't feel bad about asking you when they didn't care in the first place.