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Questions asking for advice...

Fade2black

Well-Known Member
When ever I’m asked a question about something, I find myself responding in far more depth than the person asking is capable of understanding. To me, the obvious is obvious. I’ve found to others, often what I consider obvious is some kind of mystical answer. Is the average NT really this shallow?
 
When ever I’m asked a question about something, I find myself responding in far more depth than the person asking is capable of understanding. To me, the obvious is obvious. I’ve found to others, often what I consider obvious is some kind of mystical answer. Is the average NT really this shallow?

Yes! :)
 
NTs aren’t shallow they just don’t need as much detail about what they are asking about. Depending on the subject, I just want to know enough to get whatever it is done.
Like if I want to know where the nearest convenience store is then I don’t need to know how long it has been there, who manages it etc.
 
NT’s aren’t shallow, they’re often just looking for the short answer to a question.
I’m an Aspie but I usually want the concise answer to my questions as well. If I want to know more, I’ll ask follow-up questions.
 
Doesn't it depend on the question?

But I do have this experience. For me, it's related to the talking for the talking-thing.

In other situations, say, when talking about emotions or feelings, I can be the one who's giving the answers that are considered to be too short or flat.
 
I get too deep in explaining, especially on anything medical.
Most people don't have the background knowledge to understand how things work and I
find I must be careful in the words I use when discussing this subject.
Unless it is with a doctor, then they are usually amazed and ask if I've been a nurse.
Anyone else in the room that might be with me act like we're talking Greek.

I think the answer to the OP is the word 'average.'
As an Aspie, I seem to want to know all I can about everything. (except math and politics)
Most don't seem to really care about going that far into depth.
 
I don't think it makes any sense to answer you without more details, but maybe I'm just missing something. For all I know, you could be explaining things in confusing or unnecessarily complex ways, in which case NT or not isn't relevant.
 
There's a time and a place for long and detailed answers to questions - such as when you're having a meaningful discussion with a friend and you're both in a place where you can dedicate the time to hear the other person out. But most situations aren't like that, both NTs and NDs sometimes just want a concise, straight-to-the-point answer. Because a) they need to get something done quickly; b) because too much information can be confusing as it is difficult to differentiate between what is relevant to the immediate problem and what isn't; or c) extreme confusion can begin when they have no knowledge of a tangent so they can't possibly relate it to the original question.

So, I don't think the average NT is shallow, it just maybe isn't the right time to discuss something at length with them. People need to be in the mood for it, us and them alike. To give an example:

I love my father dearly and I know he's an EXTREMELY intelligent man, however, when I ask where (for example) the hammer is I don't need a detailed anatomy of the hammer, the metal alloy composition for the 'ideal' hammer, the history of the hammer or the step-by-step guide to finding said hammer with every twist and turn included and what I might see on my way there such as the cat or the pile of laundry.
There is a time and a place and I'll happily listen when we're both sat down, but I might need that darn hammer right now hence the question!
 
NT people are not THAT different to us, but there are differences in the way we understand things which can cause communication difficulties such as described in the OP. My wife is neurotypical and she's one of the deepest, most fascinating minds I've encountered, but even she has to remind me to wind back when I get too detailed.
I've been accused of "going back to the dinosaurs" when explaining things, because for me, I need to understand how a whole system works, why I am pressing a particular button, what happened before I pressed it and what will happen after I press it, what might go wrong if I don't press it or press the wrong button, so I start to explain it because TO ME that's very important.
The point is that all I was asked is "which button do I press now" and the desired answer was "The red one".
That is not an indication of being shallow, it's just a different way of approaching the problem. I need the full process to grasp the cause and effect of everything, they just want to know what comes next.
 
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I like the examples @Monachopia and @Autistamatic give. Some people, whether on the spectrum or not, tend to give incredibly detailed answers when details aren’t always necessary. I’ve had the following happen to me while talking to a (neurotypical) patient:

Me: are you experiencing any pain at the moment?
Patient: Well, back in 1965 I sprained my ankle, and then I saw a doctor, what was his name.. can’t recall. Anyway, I had a bad nosebleed in 1968 so I saw another doctor then. Very nice man, foreign guy but still nice. Kumar or something? I think maybe Indian. Their food is so weird and their cooking smells linger! I think his name was Kumar. Do you know him? I also had warts on my hands once, can’t recall when this was though-
Me: I’m sorry to interrupt you, madam, that’s all very interesting, but I need to know if you are in any pain right now.
Patient: Well, I was getting to that! See, in 1961, my father had gout and I had to walk to school every day for five hours, and my neighbor at the time had a bad knee...
Me: Madam, I’m sorry to interrupt again, but I do not need to hear about that at this time. I need to know if you are experiencing pain right now.
Patient: Oh. No, I’m totally fine.
Me: Okay then. Next question: How many hours a week do you currently work?
Patient: Well, I started working in 1973, although one could say I started working in 1961 what with the gout and all...
Me: I’m sorry to interrupt, I think you misunderstood my question. I need to know how many hours a week you are currently working.
Patient: Well, I was transferred in 1991...

To say I got very frustrated would be an understatement.
 
NT’s aren’t shallow, they’re often just looking for the short answer to a question.
I’m an Aspie but I usually want the concise answer to my questions as well. If I want to know more, I’ll ask follow-up questions.

Exactly. Can't tell you how many times my cousin has gotten exasperated at me for using too many words to explain something- anything. :oops:
 
Whilst I know my tendency to over explain can exasperate some people, it has it's benefits. The field I have worked in most of my life is quite complex and entails many considerations that might seem contradictory to one another. There's a lot of science and maths involved, but also a great deal of psychology and ergonomic considerations.
I have conducted copious amounts of training of both new recruits and veterans in my time, and the feedback I've had has almost always noted the more considerate, holistic approach to their job that people I have trained seem to have. They not only understand their own part of the job, but also comprehend the parts of the process that come before and after. They have a greater appreciation not just of their place as a cog in the machine, but the importance every cog has to the machine functioning correctly.
I may get on some people's nerves, but my over detailed communication has it's upside in the right place.
 
Exactly. Can't tell you how many times my cousin has gotten exasperated at me for using too many words to explain something- anything. :oops:
One thing that help me is to not be a people pleaser,if they don't like the way I talk I just don't talk to them .
 
Yet I've known several aspies who respond with the most obvious and usual answers. Stating the obvious can be frustrating to many, aspie or no. Having worked and lived in the NT world for as long as I have, I've often found that some want a more condensed version of most things. Something that aspies can have a difficult time with. Almost as if we are accessing and compiling information in our minds at once and combining them all together for a response, which takes time.

Often neurotypicals are quicker with their responses and like aspies they might not wish to know more about something, unless it interests them. Something that N/T's and N/D's seem to have in common.
 
NTs aren't nessarily shallow, they're just good at knowing when to go into greater detail, and when to give a short answer. I tend to go into more detail than is required too, and I also want lots of details when people are explaining things to me, and ask lots of questions to try to build up a picture of the thing as a whole in order to understand.
 
I also want lots of details when people are explaining things to me, and ask lots of questions to try to build up a picture of the thing as a whole in order to understand.

Oh, I do this as well. And sometimes I become aware of my 'interview mode', which is pretty funny to me.
 
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When people start to tell me something and say "I'll just give you the short version" or skip details I find myself asking questions and saying no, long version please - wanting to as others have said build an entire picture because if I am going to be required to give an opinion or advice I can't do that without a LOT of detail.
The details I find interesting don't seem to be the ones other people necessarily find interesting though - and conversely what I would dismiss or give short blunt replies to seem to be the topics or items that others obsess over and that baffles me.
My desire to listen to details does seem to make people seek me out as a friend who will listen and advise - although my ability to have tact on somedays is limited and that seems to surprise them (not in a good way) at times.
 
Thank you for writing what I could've written.

Also: I tend to analyze, in a pretty clinical way, but people don't (always) like that.

It's simply how my mind works.
 
"cold" "clinical" "analytical" "empty" "numb"

All things that have been said to me - in order to, I don't know exactly because my analysing is simply ordering and making sense. It doesn't seem to have anything to do with emotion, of which I have plenty. Empty! I am so intensely full some days there aren't enough ways to release it. But - it's not easy to explain.
Just because I can stand back and assess things is not the same as numbness. I just see puzzles everywhere.
 

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