Question that's really bothering me?

[Tony Ramirez]

Did I waste nearly 5 years of my life since I am still not in a relationship while others like my two cousins only took months to find love and get married? I am still pondering that question coming to the new year.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

No those years were stepping stones you learnt from.
You will find someone.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Thanks. Also sorry for the way I treated you. I still feel like it's hopeless I will ever meet anyone.

 

[Rodafina]

Well the definition of a life wasted depends on your perception of it. Did you feel like you wasted five years? Did you spend time doing things in those five years that made you a healthier person? Were you able to grow in ways that you wanted to during this time? Did you experience anything good in these five years?

 

[Tony Ramirez]

It made me healthier and more socaliable. But then it also made me more lonely and desperate for a relationship.

 

[Suzanne]

Probably because your cousin did not think about it or at least not deeply.

I personally, never thought about it, because I never considered myself good enough for a boyfriend and yet, they came my way and I then, I never thought of marriage, and I have had 3 proposels and one lead to marriage. Not boasting, just an example of not searching, but still it came along.

It surely can't be your looks. Because you are not ugly at all. It must be down to your personality and a sense of yearning, which does put women off.

Also, comparisions are scary. I do enough myself and we ALWAYS come out worse for it. Each situation is different, Tony.

By the way, if you drank a lot; took drugs; and slept your life away, then, yes, wasted years, but it seems that you have and are quite productive in your life and thus, it is a perception you have; that you can only be truly happy with a woman and children.

But, let me tell you, that is not always the case.

I know a young woman who has two children. Her young husband works hard and comes home late. She, has heart problems and recently, her two girls came down with covid and then she did, but NO ONE could help her, so despite being extremely ill, she had to look after two infants. She might well think: I wish I had not had children!

You might see a husband and wife laughing, but how do you know, that before they left their home, they had been arguing?

 

[The Pandector]

Instead of answering your question, I'll ask you one. How would settling on an answer change your life from this point forward? IOW, why are you asking the question; in what way will you profit from finding the answer? How do you intend to move forward having found the answer?

 

[Fino]

If the sole purpose of life was to be in a relationship, then you definitely did. But that isn't the sole purpose of life. So I don't know if you did.

 

[Rodafina]

It made me healthier and more socaliable. But then it also made me more lonely and desperate for a relationship.

That sounds like more of a balance between accomplishments and continued challenges than what one might call a “waste.”

 

[Dagan]

I don't trust anyone getting married after only 4 months knowing each other...and that it works out just fine. I'm sure there are successes to prove me wrong, but I would wager there are far more cases of it failing.

You need to change your perspective to that: you are taking your time accordingly, you have standards, you are working on yourself to even be your best for anyone else (dependable, reliable, you handle your own happiness, stable, etc). These things are what will make you an ideal partner for the long haul, anyway, so they are of dire importance.