Question for Aspie drivers.

[Aspieistj]

I know NTs are really into looking people in the eye. However, when I am riding with NTs and they frequently look at me instead of the road just because we are talking, I feel it is unnecessary and downright dangerous. I am within 2 feet of them, a captive audience, so why the need to look? I do reply to them so they can't think I am sleeping! I keep my eyes on the road far more than the driver. This really bugs me! And----I have a "friend" who also occasionally reaches over while talking and driving and touched my arm. What the Hell for???? Members here occasionally mentions how Aspies may be superior to NTs. This is one real example I can list. Look where you are going and keep us both safe, thank you very much. So, is this an Aspie behavior? Fess up if you are one who looks away from the road needlessly.

 

[Ereth]

I really don't think it's necessarily Aspie to focus on the road. Nor is it a given that every non-Aspie will look away from the road. So let's not bring up the ASD vs. NT BS. It really won't get this thread anywhere.

Anyway, I think what you could do in this situation is CALMLY ask the driver to please focus on the road. Don't sound accusatory or you're bound to start an argument.

As for your friend (why is that in quotes?), gently explain that you don't like being touched while driving as it is a distraction.

 

[Turk]

Yep been in that situation before. Without been to pushy, Ive told the driver this aint gunna work. He's said what. Then ive said " Im gunna need the steering wheel if im the only one looking at the road. A little sarcasm never hurts anyone

 

[Aspieistj]

As for your friend (why is that in quotes?), gently explain that you don't like being touched while driving as it is a distraction.

Friend is in quotes because this person, after being told I am an Aspie, decided she was going do behavior modification on me and make me normal. She sometimes pretended she had "forgotten" that I didn't like to be touched and did as she pleased. She took it upon herself to "fix" me by constantly correcting me whenever I did something "unacceptable." After I decided to stop interacting with people socially, and I told her it was the only way I could avoid being made to feel weird, she kept calling and telling me that, "We LOVE you and miss you and want to be with you." Well, she had an odd way to show her appreciation of me by constantly telling me that I was annoying. We had known each other for years as coworkers. Suddenly, she began to frequently ask me to go places with her. I didn't want to because she was my boss. I finally gave in and we did things together, including vacation without any sign of annoyance on her part until I told her (after I learned I am an Aspie while in my early 60s) that I had AS. She suddenly changed and wouldn't stop criticizing me. I was aware I am very odd and often annoying and I did try to remember to act "normal" whenever I had time to think. I now choose to be alone so no one is offended--not the "normal" people and also not me.
I still can't understand why anyone would feel the need to take their eyes off the road to look at someone sitting shoulder to shoulder to them. I didn't look any different from one minute to the next.

 

[Ereth]

I'm sorry someone you were once close to ended up treating you that way.

 

[Aspieistj]

The only hope I have for this kind of abuse to end is with many years of public education. I know some may disagree, but I am almost 70 and I DO see an improvement in the way mentally challenged people are treated. Some people now understand that dyslexia is not the same as stupidity. A very small amount of progress in enlightening the public regarding prosopagnosia (face blindness) has been made. Most of these abnormalities are due to neurological problems or inherited genetic conditions. We have deaf, but speaking actors, and some blind people are able to function quite well in a seeing world. I believe it will take decades but I do think that eventually the general public will have some understanding of people on the autism spectrum. I remain very angry that so many people think disabilities are funny, or a personal annoyance for unaffected people. I don't see a better way to refer to these unaffected and fortunate people other than NTs. When I express anger and frustration against NTs I am very aware the solution is education, education, EDUCATION! The woman I now refer to a my "friend" isn't deliberately being mean. Unfortunately, she is terribly stubborn, hard to convince and not terribly well educated or inclined to change her way of viewing the world. I have zero idea why she pursued my friendship when she had a number of friends and wasn't lonely. Maybe she just felt sorry for me and viewed me as a misfit? I was quite used to being alone before she "found" me and I decided to include another nurse who had retired and was lonely. We became "the three old nurses" and traveled frequently by car, plane and cruise ship before she decided I required intense therapy and I chose to withdraw from the company of "normal" people. I don't hate NTs; I wish I had been born one of them.

 

[Ereth]

Honestly, I think part of the issue here might be that you feel sorry for yourself instead of your friend pitying you. I realize you have many more years of experience than I do, but perhaps it's colored your worldview a bit.

I also know what it's like to live with a disability. Other people may be fortunate not to have cerebral palsy and autism, but I will not view myself as somehow less fortunate, or spend time envying people who were born without my problems---though I admit I've had my weak moments.

What is to be gained from lashing out at people who do not understand? Not much.

 

[Aspieistj]

If I have "lashed out" it has only been here, where I hope people with similar problems and pain will understand. I have never hurt an NT on purpose because I was unhappy at not being an NT. It seems I have spent nearly seven decades annoying NTs, though. I didn't have very many interactions with anyone after I retired and moved out to the country and only after I realized I was an Aspie did I choose to live like a hermit. I explained to the other two nurses that I was more comfortable remaining alone. I couldn't possibly hurt them, especially when they didn't think they had done anything wrong. They thought I had a bad problem and had simply made a poor decision. It isn't as if I had dumped friends who would be terribly lonely after I exited their lives. I never had many friends and the people I knew at work had no expectation of seeing me socially after I retired. I occasionally pass one in the supermarket and say a pleasant hello. I have a son in CA with whom I email and talk to on the phone. He vacationed in Maine 2 years ago and I joined him for a week while he was birding and moose hunting (with a camera.) It will likely be years before we are together again. He is divorced and has no children. I have a married son two towns away from where I live. We email and talk on the phone. He has no children and his wife is a semi-invalid who rarely leaves the house. I do occasionally visit them at their house and I take the DIL to appointments if my son is working so he won't have to use personal time. My only other living relative, a brother, is in another state and we occasionally talk on the phone. My kids know I am an Aspie and I don't think they really care. All they know is that their mother has always been odd and now stays alone as much as possible. My kids do not like each other and are only polite and speak on the phone a few times a year. It was really quite easy for me to choose to become a hermit. It is inconvenient if I need help for anything but a small price to pay for not constantly worrying that I am acting weird and annoying anyone. One positive thing I have to report--my son who lives near me and understands I am an Aspie recently asked me about a strange man he knows who is always out of step with the world and not very well liked. He asked if I though that man had AS and I said it sounded likely. I recently met the man and I believe he does have AS. I am pleased my son has learned about AS and recognized why his friend is so inept socially.

 

[Ereth]

All right. I understand now---I may have misinterpreted the tone of your posts.

But see, you don't have to isolate yourself. I know you choose to do so, but it is possible to overcome your worry that you irritate other people. I mean, hell, at your age, you can make it into a joke that you annoy people! That's what I would do, anyway. Let people talk, and don't be afraid of judgment. You've obviously accomplished many things over the decades. You shouldn't feel you have to hide.

 

[Ste11aeres]

If I have "lashed out" it has only been here, where I hope people with similar problems and pain will understand. I have never hurt an NT on purpose because I was unhappy at not being an NT. It seems I have spent nearly seven decades annoying NTs, though. I didn't have very many interactions with anyone after I retired and moved out to the country and only after I realized I was an Aspie did I choose to live like a hermit. I explained to the other two nurses that I was more comfortable remaining alone. I couldn't possibly hurt them, especially when they didn't think they had done anything wrong.

I've been becoming more and more "hermitish" and am thinking of really decisively keeping to myself (except that I will act sociable at work). The only person I enjoy interacting with is my best friend, now that the little Aspie two-year old I was close to, and his Aspie parents who trusted me have moved away.

 

[AspieSam]

I'll respond more later to this.

 

[Judge]

I've been becoming more and more "hermitish" and am thinking of really decisively keeping to myself (except that I will act sociable at work). The only person I enjoy interacting with is my best friend, now that the little Aspie two-year old I was close to, and his Aspie parents who trusted me have moved away.

Myself as well. Right now I'm grappling with trying to come up with an answer as to whether this is good or bad for me. As a human being, I get lonely occasionally. As an Aspie, I crave not having to deal with social dynamics for an optimal peace-of-mind (socially speaking). It's a strange balance at the moment, where I'm unable and unwilling to consider one to be worse than the other.