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Public meltdowns. Destroying property. Now doing this in public.

Tony Ramirez said:
I tried that, it didn't work. I am done loving myself. Others can piss off.

I didn't go out Monday, and I'm staying home Tuesday Wednesday Thursday and probably beyond.
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Your choice, but until you seriously start to believe you are worth the effort, you will not be worth a damn. It really is your choice.

Until you make that choice to build yourself up instead of putting in a minimal effort and quitting when that is not enough, I am through with you.
 
@Tony Ramirez ... I think you've been trying much, people are talking sweetly to you. But post #16 indicates that you need to have a kick-ass. Females do not like that you talk like that. I'd argue you might enjoy have battles with other men as BJJ (wrestling/grappling).

I won't kick your ass. But Allah will. Or ...like, Christians will.
 
lunarious said:
@Tony Ramirez ... I think you've been trying much, people are talking sweetly to you. But post #16 indicates that you need to have a kick-ass. Females do not like that you talk like that. I'd argue you might enjoy have battles with other men as BJJ (wrestling/grappling).

I won't kick your ass. But Allah will. Or ...like, Christians will.
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I am nice to them but when they purposely get up when I sit near them unless they are my late grandmother's age they stay and don't get up, or they ignore me when I try to talk to them, then I can often get nasty.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
I am nice to them but when they purposely get up when I sit near them unless they are my late grandmother's age they stay and don't get up, or they ignore me when I try to talk to them, then I can often get nasty.
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I'm not sure of the exact scenario you're describing.

Let's say you're in a cafe with small tables, they don't show you to a seat, and there are free tables.

Would you sit beside someone in that situation?
 
Tony Ramirez said:
Redacted quote so it won't piss me off

I freaking hate those stupid stories. I tried for 6 years. Hearing those stories is what causes my violent destruction, meltdowns.
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No, hearing stories isn't what causes your violent meltdowns.

It's what you tell yourself the stories mean.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
I am nice to them but when they purposely get up when I sit near them unless they are my late grandmother's age they stay and don't get up, or they ignore me when I try to talk to them, then I can often get nasty.
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I suggest you stop deliberately sitting near young women and couples and stop trying to talk to them unless they initiate a conversation. Your behavior sounds aggressive and is freaking people out.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
I am nice to them but when they purposely get up when I sit near them unless they are my late grandmother's age they stay and don't get up, or they ignore me when I try to talk to them, then I can often get nasty.
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It sounds like you're approaching strangers because of viewing them
as prey (potential dates.) They only qualify as human beings in your
eyes if they are young & female.

Older females don't feel themselves targeted and regard you as a
sort of 'son/nephew' figure maybe. The girls who are younger than
you have no interest in chatting with a complete stranger the age of
their father. They have no way to gauge your intentions. If they are
strangers they have no background acquaintanceship with you.

And you respond to lack of interest with hostility, rather than a *well,
I tried, that's the way it goes sometimes* attitude. You really seem to
be believe that people owe you.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
I can't stand seeing couples anymore. I can't listen to them go on about how they meet. I can't stand when a woman not older than my mother talks to me then mentions my boyfriend, my husband, my boyfriend, my husband, my boyfriend, my husband.
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That's quite a story you're telling yourself.

In reality there is no direct effect.
You don't actually burst into flames, or stop breathing permanently, or melt into
a puddle of goo etc.....

What's happening is in between the event (somebody mentions bf/husband) and
you getting angry is....you're telling yourself a negative story about what it means.
 
We live in a world where being an aggressive man isn't attractive so much. In the early 1900's it was "the bees knees" or whatever, but on through the disco era, into the hair metal, drug-fueled era and into the really, really bad apples that ruined it for everyone else era.....it's just better to not be the aggressor. It doesn't help that such kinds of guys are in the media so often and making it worse, still.

Worst-case-scenario, as you sit and wait for someone to approach you, the time it takes can be spent on seriously studying folks in the room. That alone can help you spot potential red flags and help you a lot. I don't just mean spotting red flags in your mind, but you can sometimes tell what another person's red flags are by how they act with others. Practically half of all that any relationship is, is two people figuring each other out. This approach gives you a head start.

Also, and I'm sure others are reaching the same conclusion, the direct therapy that you probably want to go for / focus on is anger management. It's not something strictly for total a-hole grumps and such. It's a process that helps even those who are traumatized by rejection, and I think it's clear that you lash out as a trauma response. I'm not saying you do it purposely, either. When people are hurt and treated with crap attitudes to a traumatic level, that person will start to act out with a crap attitude at the first signs of perceived bad treatment every time - it gets to be involuntary - it's the mind's way of thinking it won't be the victim, if it is instead the aggressor. And that just brings all of this back full circle. It's right back to not being (so) aggressive.

I know you tire of trying so hard and taking so much time to get where you want to be...but it's the non-negotiable part of any of us getting what we want (or even what we need). We have to put in the time and the work. You will always find that you feel better doing so, too because you'll know for a fact that you absolutely earned it.
 
Jumpinbare only meant well to you, whether you recieved it well or not.
I have got this impression from some of your other posts. Perhaps your interactions with others may unsettle some people here by some of the reactions you get in replies it appears that way.

One of your other posts though you appeared to me to be being plucked somewhat. You wrote that you thought you could be level 2 in some areas and a lot of the replies were disputing this. May be they were saying this doesn't give you a justification for what you have been writing and thinking.

I am not here to pluck you or to use this to make me feel better about myself.

We are equals and we all go through hardships in life.

I have to say before I was diagnosed I used to struggle with transport a lot and especially waiting for things for long durations and being around large crowds. I could feel at times like kicking a post but didn't. I could kick to the ground to not hurt anything. Kicking my foot hard against the ground like stomping. Can you try something that will not end in damage if you feel like this.

Also, I use private transport now mostly and public transport so rarely unless for short distances and this issues I had is better with my management.

Don't give up, keep on praying if you do about a honest relationship follow the values-second greatest respect of others and to love God first.
 
Yes, l freak out when men are aggressive, especially younger men, that's because l deal with some PTSD issues. I still feel you think females owe you conversation, and they don't owe you any conversation. I had a man call me a female dog in heat because l chose not to talk to him. For my personal safety reasons, l don't talk to random men except the bank teller, or maybe the cashier. I feel uncomfortable when a guy talks to me in a coffee place, but that's me and my choice. So please don't be so upset and take it personally.
 
Aspychata said:
I still feel you think females owe you conversation, and they don't owe you any conversation
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But they talk to other men and are friends with them. One was having a long conversation with the cashier. You see, only women in relationships actually talk to me. That's the problem.

Aspychata said:
I had a man call me a female dog in heat because l chose not to talk to him.
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I said that to a woman walking the street on Saturday during my meltdown. I use to never talk like that until I spent all summer last year at Roots Café being ignored, not making any friends. It felt just like college when I used to talk like that too. I am a mean old man now.
 
At least you are talking things out. That's a huge step in emotional maturity, that means progress Tony. During the time l have read your posts, l am also talking things out more, it's a huge improvement. It doesn't mean we still don't have our daily battles, it means we approach life with more understanding about ourself and what can trigger you. When you are emotionally triggered by a couple, try thinking, this will upset me. I am processing this anger. Now l will release it, and now l can continue with my day. The more you do this, the better you get.
 
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