Problems with Short Term Memory

[Danielle Sisco]

Just wondering how many of you have short-term memory impairments. I am struggling with mine at the moment and every time I talk to my wife. We have gotten into arguments where I forget things she says to me and she finds it insensitive that I don't remember. I also don't remember the things I say, only the gist of what was said and mostly how it made me feel inside. When discussing marital problems it usually helps to remember the words she said that hurt me. I complain but without the evidence to show her. It infuriates both of us.

I also seem to come up with the more NT interested topics to conversate with her about but usually it's when she can't entertain a conversation with me. (She's in charge of a business and nearly always busy with others) When work is over I usually have forgotten everything I thought about and end up just talking about the stuff we need to accomplish as a family unit. I know I should start keeping a little memo book with me but thanks to executive dysfunction I don't seem to make that happen consistently.

Funny thing is, if the short term memory is anything related to visual, spatial (physical space/navigation/location) or temporal (time of occurrence) anything my ability to retain the memory and utilize it in real time is superior to that of my NT spouse. I'm curious if this is an spectrum thing or just something related to the fictional science of the zodiac. I'm a capricorn and supposedly ruled by the planet of space and time - Saturn.

 

[Raggamuffin]

From what I read about ADHD - short term memory can be a real problem. Especially when your attention flicks between one thing to the next. But long term memory can be very strong.

As ASD and ADHD has some overlap, perhaps the same is true with Autism?

My ex used to get very frustrated that I constantly forgot things too. I used to try and keep lists and physical reminders of key things I needed to do etc.

You'd think/hope that they'd adjust to your strengths and weaknesses, but I think the more I did it - the more impatient she got with me.

I got to a point of just saying "this is just the way I am". It didn't exactly solve anything, but it helped me to remind her that memory issues is just one of my foibles. At the end of the day, your partner is responsible for their reaction and emotions to your forgetfulness. Getting upset over it serves no positive conclusion to you or them. I'm sure you could brain train or practice techniques to try and force a better memory. But I'm sure that wouldn't be a panacea cure for martial problems etc.

These are lifelong conditions. At best, I think people learn ways to adapt or "cope". But there's certain aspects of us that people have to accept.

Ed

 

[Danielle Sisco]

These are lifelong conditions. At best, I think people learn ways to adapt or "cope". But there's certain aspects of us that people have to accept.

Ed

I agree. The problems with an invisible disability...... people just expect "normalcy."

My wife has actually been really patient. She knows I have problems with my short-term memory but she also has her own issues with ADHD. She mainly struggles with having patience and not personalizing my idiosyncrasies as slights against her personality which triggers her own trauma.

I am exhausted at feeling like I must fake most aspects of my life because of ASD. I don't do "human" very well and every time I try I die a little more inside. I only want to be myself and have the people closest to me adapt. My idiosyncrasies are not "traits" or personality features, nor do they overall define me. As you stated, these are "lifelong conditions". It's a neurological disorder, not a mental health condition, born with it like people who were born with type 1 diabetes. They can no more change it then we can change our "traits".

For the record, I've only made the discovery that my developmental disorder was kept a secret from me throughout much of my life. Wasn't until my old school records from the nineties were released and I was curious enough to read them that I found out the truth. Could have been helpful to tell me. The school notes said that my parents were unaccepting of the diagnosis and demanded that I would not be told such a lie. I was 36 when the dots connected that it was no lie. Granted, Asperger's was not an official diagnosis in 1990, but they documented my developmental delay symptoms which now would have screamed ASD, even for a camouflaging Aspie. I now have a lot of work ahead of me in self-acceptance and self-awareness of who I am and not what society tells me I am.

 

[Thinx]

This all sounds really difficult. I have similar lack of ability to recall exactly what was said, especially if it was in another earlier interaction. But what I would also say is, part of what makes this hard in interactions between you is likely to be each of your levels of attachment security. This is a developmental facet of people, NT or ND, and not unchangeable, though in the short term and if you are currently insecure in attachments, it may not feel changeable.

I would definitely look into that area to improve these interactions, as in many ways a growthful exchange won't in any case be about one or other of you quoting accurately what was said thus 'proving' a point. When we feel more secure, we have less need to prove our points, and more willingness to be flexible and let things go.

Getting to a point where you can feel comfortable saying, well, I can't recall exactly what I said, but I am really sorry if you found it difficult, I didn't mean to be hurtful, is where you maybe are starting to feel more secure; this would most likely happen through working on yourself in therapy or in self development and understanding how your past may have left you insecure in attachments, if that is the case.

 

[QuestJan]

I'm curious if this is an spectrum thing or just something related to the fictional science of the zodiac. I'm a capricorn and supposedly ruled by the planet of space and time - Saturn

Short-term memory lasts just a few seconds (15-30 seconds). Then it is gone. It is perceived as having "phonological loop' and 'visual sketch pad' components.

• It is not unusual for autistics to have 'auditory processing' due to phonological deficits. Only an audiologist can diagnose auditory processing. You might have experienced through needing extra effort to listen, mispronouncing words, or difficulty learning to read
• This is "getting" a verbal/written communication
• This requires only the availability of a communication

Working memory is 'short-term + processing'. So if you add 672 + 21 = ?? in your head, then you are using working memory.

• This is fundamental to understanding the verbal/written communication
• This requires the availability of communication and adequate processing speed

The barrier to using these memory faculties becomes hearing, processing, and responding to the message in the moment.

I think these would also tie into the ADHD (active or passive) that interferes with being mindful. When one is not mindful, the full listening experience is reduced. This may present to your S.O. as being disinterested - since truly you are not listening regardless of intention. Then they feel butt-hurt rather than empathetic.

Long-term memory is made up of

For example, you may need extra processing time to reliably access semantic memories while you excel at recalling episodic & procedural information.

Retrieval of memories becomes the barrier for long-term memory.

If you chose to make a change, try retrieval practice. Most are offered free.
Unleash the Science of Learning – Retrieval Practice

 

[Tom]

I know that my brain has also been very 'busy'. Thoughts rattling around in it almost all the time.And that seems to often knock certain things off the memory shelf that I wanted/needed to remember.

So in many situations I use lists to write down what I don't want to forget.

I don't know if this a short, long of middle memory issue so much as congested memory traffic.

 

[clg114]

I have short term memory issues, but it has only been in the last ten years or so. Because of this, I believe this is age related rather than autism related.

 

[Au Naturel]

The older I get the worse my short-term memory is. Of course, a lot of other systems are failing or degrading as well. It is the price we pay for longevity. Our paleolithic ancestors were very lucky to make even 40.

 

[Wulven]

That problem has caused me no end of trouble for me. And is largely why I can't choose a path forward. It's not something I can fix and causes problems in school or on a job. Studying is my worst area for this reason.

 

[Aspychata]

I guess l would suggest low meat diet and more greens and berries like blueberries. I started green smoothies with spinach leaves and smoothies with blueberries- l was shocked how quick my cognitive process improved in all areas. I eventually left most meat out of my diet. Also a less fat in our diets helps. Round all of this with cardio. Start out walking 20 mins for a month. Then try jogging 5 mins for one or two months. Then up it to 10 mins for a couple of months. I noticed after a run at the gym, l solve spatial problems way faster. These tweaks will slowly in time help you. It sounds like you are super busy, so perhaps a treadmill or a elliptical machine might work?

 

[Martha Ferris]

Is this a recent symptom for you? Is it getting worse? If so I would suggest you have a medical evaluation. It could be symptom of a new problem. Those of us who have chronic conditions have the added challenge of determining if symptom is related to what we have already been diagnosed as having and what stems from a new undiagnosed condition.

 

[Suzette]

Martha Ferris is quite correct that a decrease in short term memory can be an indicator of a health issue. I experienced a decrease in my short term memory as I entered peri menopause (this is when your estrogen levels begin to decrease). Peri menopause can last 10 years for some folk and you can begin peri menopause at any time though most women experience it after 40. My aunt, however, was fully menopausal by 32.

 

[Judge]

At my age it's "par for the course" to some degree. Though I make it a point of not letting go of something when I cannot recall it. I'll dwell on it until it comes back....then I feel that it isn't so much of a problem.

Such things always manage to come back to me...though it may be hours later.

 

[Danielle Sisco]

Is this a recent symptom for you? Is it getting worse? If so I would suggest you have a medical evaluation. It could be symptom of a new problem. Those of us who have chronic conditions have the added challenge of determining if symptom is related to what we have already been diagnosed as having and what stems from a new undiagnosed condition.

No, it's not a recent symptom. I've struggled with it since I was a little girl. I was diagnosed at 3 years old (1988) with auditory processing disorder which I guess really explains why I have excellent short term memory for visual stimuli but lousy retention for spoken words. I think when combined with ASD it's really difficult to have spoken conversations with others.

 

[Danielle Sisco]

Martha Ferris is quite correct that a decrease in short term memory can be an indicator of a health issue. I experienced a decrease in my short term memory as I entered peri menopause (this is when your estrogen levels begin to decrease). Peri menopause can last 10 years for some folk and you can begin peri menopause at any time though most women experience it after 40. My aunt, however, was fully menopausal by 32.

That is true. I did not think about the role estrogen may be playing with my short term memory. It does seem to be getting worst but it has been a life-long impairment. I just began noticing more of a hormonal imbalance the last 6 months or so. I'm 36 and my mother experienced premature menopause at 32. Very well could mean I've hit the peri-menopause years. I'm quite looking forward to the hormonal stability that should soon follow.

 

[Au Naturel]

What was the OP again? I can't seem to remember...