Problems with intrusions on personal space

[Christian T]

This personal space thing is where I think male Aspies might have the advantage

That's what I think, because neurotypical males are generally more uncomfortable with physical interaction anyway out of homophobia - although they touch each other all the time on the football field, it is a strange one.

But, I'd expect it to be harder for aspie girls because it's much more accepted for them to be affectionate with one another - would you agree?

 

[shoukori]

I definitely want more personal space than most NT's naturally seem to give. I am always stepping away, and indeed, some of them step right with me. Aggravates (and distracts) me to no end. I find it hard to continue the conversation when I'm constantly trying to evade them.

That said, if I am in a situation like sitting in the bleachers somewhere, where you have to be close to someone, I can deal with it, but as soon as there is space I usually migrate back away again. Recently someone I didn't know very well kept touching my leg while talking to me (we were sitting in bleachers, she was a step below me) and I found that to be very distracting and strange, I didn't know what to think of it but sort of started avoiding that person after that...

I am not in a home situation where people would "bring someone home", but I do have a lot of trouble if someone shows up at the house unexpectedly. I can go out and meet them if I must, but if someone else is home I usually ask them to do it.

 

[Soup]

I agree, ChristianT. NT women are often casual touchy-feely types. They hug, kiss, hold hands, lean all over each other & they're hard to escape from once they've spotted you. They want to touch your clothes to feel the texture of the fabric, hold your hand & check out your nail polish, feel your hair-even get close & smell your perfume. I avoid perfumes in favour of smelling like soap as it also keeps bees at bay.

 

[buckyboy14]

It always seemed unfair to me that women could touch each other all they want, but if men do it, it's "gay." I usually have no problem being touched, and I apparently touch people TOO much, and I don't know when it's acceptable and when it isn't. But for athletes, it's apparently ALWAYS acceptable, or something. What?

 

[Soup]

Culture plays a big role in whether or not straight men are allowed to be touchy-feely. In many middle Eastern /North African cultures, men greet each other enthusiastically with hugs & kisses. They dance to folk music holding hands. Fathers are affectionate towards sons, brothers & uncles. This is very unusual to western logic since we see these conservative cultures as being some of the most homophobic on earth. Also, men express emotion more openly in these cultures: they cry & show great displays of emotional sensitivity.

I wouldn't last 10 mins in such an environment: I'd be fit to be tied (literally!) in no time flat.

 

[Christian T]

Culture plays a big role in whether or not straight men are allowed to be touchy-feely. In many middle Eastern /North African cultures, men greet each other enthusiastically with hugs & kisses. They dance to folk music holding hands. Fathers are affectionate towards sons, brothers & uncles. This is very unusual to western logic since we see these conservative cultures as being some of the most homophobic on earth. Also, men express emotion more openly in these cultures: they cry & show great displays of emotional sensitivity.

I actually really like the sound of that - they're real men who are brave enough to handle their emotions, instead of running away screaming from them. The macho thing is absurd, and frankly hilarious. It's so cute seeing those puny humans trying to puff themselves up like their older brothers, the gorillas. Such naivety.

 

[Soup]

I could't agree more, ChristianT. Western cultures cripple males emotionally by forcing them to squeeze all their emotions through the narrow channels of either anger & rage, hyper-sexuality, brooding silence, bawdy humour or controlling-type behaviours. Middle Eastern/North African cultures have their shortcomings too: theirs are just different to western ones.

In raising my son, I strove to undo & neutralize this societal conditioning. I didn't want him to be crushed into some macho primitive troglodyte. All this 'be a man' 'act like a man' BS is exactly that. It is usually accompanied by a slew of equally limiting & stupid limitations imposed on women. Why do this dance? I told him to do this: focus on your humanity. Focus on who you are, what your ethical principles are & be true to yourself. I didn't raise either of my kids to think that they had to 'believe in' anything whatsoever in order to conform or fit in with mainstream society's expectations. They were also taught from young about LGBT (we lived near a gay couple where 1 guy was an engineer & the other was a computer tech guy) people BEFORE NT society could infect them with the homophobic bigotry virus (VERY hard to cure that one: seems to stick around & flare up like Herpes!)

So far it seems to be working & they're both non-homophobic, non-racist, non wild-eyed religious fanatics & they're doing well. Neither of them are Aspies but they can have NT friends & get along with/understand Aspies too.

 

[Christian T]

I could't agree more, ChristianT. Western cultures cripple males emotionally by forcing them to squeeze all their emotions through the narrow channels of either anger & rage, hyper-sexuality, brooding silence, bawdy humour or controlling-type behaviours. Middle Eastern/North African cultures have their shortcomings too: theirs are just different to western ones.

In raising my son, I strove to undo & neutralize this societal conditioning. I didn't want him to be crushed into some macho primitive troglodyte. All this 'be a man' 'act like a man' BS is exactly that. It is usually accompanied by a slew of equally limiting & stupid limitations imposed on women. Why do this dance? I told him to do this: focus on your humanity. Focus on who you are, what your ethical principles are & be true to yourself. I didn't raise either of my kids to think that they had to 'believe in' anything whatsoever in order to conform or fit in with mainstream society's expectations. They were also taught from young about LGBT (we lived near a gay couple where 1 guy was an engineer & the other was a computer tech guy) people BEFORE NT society could infect them with the homophobic bigotry virus (VERY hard to cure that one: seems to stick around & flare up like Herpes!)

So far it seems to be working & they're both non-homophobic, non-racist, non wild-eyed religious fanatics & they're doing well. Neither of them are Aspies but they can have NT friends & get along with/understand Aspies too.

Fantastic to hear, looks like we'll have 2 wonderful human beings venturing out into the big wide world very soon.

 

[arthurfakaya]

I could't agree more, ChristianT. Western cultures cripple males emotionally by forcing them to squeeze all their emotions through the narrow channels of either anger & rage, hyper-sexuality, brooding silence, bawdy humour or controlling-type behaviours. Middle Eastern/North African cultures have their shortcomings too: theirs are just different to western ones.

In raising my son, I strove to undo & neutralize this societal conditioning. I didn't want him to be crushed into some macho primitive troglodyte. All this 'be a man' 'act like a man' BS is exactly that. It is usually accompanied by a slew of equally limiting & stupid limitations imposed on women. Why do this dance? I told him to do this: focus on your humanity. Focus on who you are, what your ethical principles are & be true to yourself. I didn't raise either of my kids to think that they had to 'believe in' anything whatsoever in order to conform or fit in with mainstream society's expectations. They were also taught from young about LGBT (we lived near a gay couple where 1 guy was an engineer & the other was a computer tech guy) people BEFORE NT society could infect them with the homophobic bigotry virus (VERY hard to cure that one: seems to stick around & flare up like Herpes!)

So far it seems to be working & they're both non-homophobic, non-racist, non wild-eyed religious fanatics & they're doing well. Neither of them are Aspies but they can have NT friends & get along with/understand Aspies too.

Great to hear!! In some respects it takes an Aspie or an "Aspie-minded" individual to bring about this socio-cultural evolution because we appear to be innately programmed to question the status quo, to be free of peer pressure, to make decisions based on logic and "uncommon sense" rather than emotion. It's as if it's our purpose for being here. :balanced:

 

[Soup]

There are far too many of us & far too many of us who are brilliant in their chosen field for Asperger's to not serve an evolutionary purpose. We aren't atavisms or people with some unfortunate mutation.