Persecution complex

[Markness]

It’s been brought up to me from time to time that I might have a persecution complex. However, my thought processes constantly point towards the perception that I am disliked in general and others are out to either belittle or harm me.

Sometimes I have been angrily pointed out for having confirmation bias but I can’t shake the feeling someone dislikes me if they disagree with me strongly.

 

[Rodafina]

What would it take to feel liked and accepted? What kind of behavior from others would allow you to believe that?

 

[tree]

Again, @Markness, I ask whether you realize that a complex is just a group
of ideas? That it's not like a disease or condition that settles on a person.

Also, not for the first time, I notice the disconnected way you speak about yourself.
As if you were composed of sections/departments that act separately from *the real you.*

Rarely do you say "I think..." (active voice)
Instead it's something like "my thought processes....point toward".
That makes it sound like you aren't the one doing the thinking.
As if the thoughts just come to you.
As if you weren't responsible for them, yourself.

As far as Confirmation Bias, yeah, I see how a person would say that resembles your
thinking style.

"Confirmation bias is the tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and recall information in a way that confirms or supports one's prior beliefs or values. People display this bias when they select information that supports their views, ignoring contrary information, or when they interpret ambiguous evidence as supporting their existing attitudes."

Confirmation bias - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[Aspychata]

Oh wow. I use to feel that way, then l decided it's too much energy to feel persecuted. It's better to walk around with the delusion that you are loved. Fake it until you die trying to make it.

In all seriousness, why do you feel persecuted? Is this a childhood thing? Is this a mother thing? What is at the root of your insecurities?
Some people are definitely out there to hurt others, which means anybody that falls in their path. Texas felt kinda of rough to me. There are more unhinged people doing more zany things, it's important to protect yourself, and come from a strong core of self-acceptance.

 

[Metalhead]

I would rather do the persecuting myself. No wonder I have few friends.

j/k

Yeah, I know how it feels like to have a persecution complex and feel like it is me against the world. Then I realized other people were taking up space in my head when I was taking no space in theirs. I just am not that important to most people, and that is not necessarily a bad thing.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I used to think people hated me, especially women, but I encountered so many women who have been nice to me, I lost count. Yes, I still have some who ignore me, but maybe it's them.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

You are responsible for your thoughts and how you interpret interactions. You need CBT or CPT to learn to handle your thoughts. Until you change you will never see and acknowledge the concern and kindness of people towards you. You are intent on isolating yourself behind a wall constructed by self defeating ideation. You have a choice. You can grow, or stay as you are.

As I have pointed out before to you.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I used to think people hated me, especially women, but I encountered so many women who have been nice to me, I lost count. Yes, I still have some who ignore me, but maybe it's them.

That is wonderful, Tony, to see the positive around you. And, yes, the rude and aloof behavior by some is on them and it is best to understand that immediately and be unconcerned about them

 

[Au Naturel]

It’s been brought up to me from time to time that I might have a persecution complex. However, my thought processes constantly point towards the perception that I am disliked in general and others are out to either belittle or harm me.

Sometimes I have been angrily pointed out for having confirmation bias but I can’t shake the feeling someone dislikes me if they disagree with me strongly.

Defensive mechanism. If you assume everyone is hostile, then you protect yourself from the times when someone actually is hostile. This has the unhappy side effect of interpreting all neutral interactions as hostile and downgrading positive interactions.

Disagreement isn't dislike. However, our reaction to a disagreement can create dislike.

I've had arguments with friends, and a minute later, we're fine. That's because our egos weren't wrapped up in being right or winning. At some point, you realize that you aren't going to change their mind and that's when you stop arguing. It is okay for you to think they are wrong and just let it go. It is okay for them to think you are wrong. Just move on to something that isn't an argument. It is okay for one or both of you to be wrong. And you probably are.

Agreeably disagreeing has gone out of fashion. Everything is far too intense.

One should let a few hot-button topics slide because people get hyper-emotional. Religion, sexuality, and politics come to mind.

Some individuals are disagreeable by nature and will find things to argue over. Everything is an arm wrestling match. Others take a disagreement as a personal affront to their validity as a human. That's more often a play for power than it is feeling real offense.

Most people just want life to flow as smoothly as possible.

 

[Aspychata]

PTSD can skew what you perceive, and a lot of people don't get this or understand why we walk around with a persecution complex, trauma can lead you down many wrong paths.

I have suffered a lot of trauma, and l have to stop the victim thoughts so that it doesn't overtake all my thinking like a giant soufflé.

 

[Markness]

What would it take to feel liked and accepted? What kind of behavior from others would allow you to believe that?

Well, I already know that there are people here who like me. It’s the ones who I feel don’t I wish I could shake the feelings of contempt from or at least know they aren’t trying to stop me from wanting a girlfriend.

But I suppose I should be content with those who show support for me?

 

[Markness]

Again, @Markness, I ask whether you realize that a complex is just a group
of ideas? That it's not like a disease or condition that settles on a person.

Also, not for the first time, I notice the disconnected way you speak about yourself.
As if you were composed of sections/departments that act separately from *the real you.*

Rarely do you say "I think..." (active voice)
Instead it's something like "my thought processes....point toward".
That makes it sound like you aren't the one doing the thinking.
As if the thoughts just come to you.
As if you weren't responsible for them, yourself.

As far as Confirmation Bias, yeah, I see how a person would say that resembles your
thinking style.

"Confirmation bias is the tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and recall information in a way that confirms or supports one's prior beliefs or values. People display this bias when they select information that supports their views, ignoring contrary information, or when they interpret ambiguous evidence as supporting their existing attitudes."

Confirmation bias - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

I know what I have isn’t a disease. I struggle with chemical imbalances and discouragement from bad social experiences.

 

[Markness]

Oh wow. I use to feel that way, then l decided it's too much energy to feel persecuted. It's better to walk around with the delusion that you are loved. Fake it until you die trying to make it.

In all seriousness, why do you feel persecuted? Is this a childhood thing? Is this a mother thing? What is at the root of your insecurities?
Some people are definitely out there to hurt others, which means anybody that falls in their path. Texas felt kinda of rough to me. There are more unhinged people doing more zany things, it's important to protect yourself, and come from a strong core of self-acceptance.

I was sometimes hurt badly by other children in my developmental years and I always took harsh voice tones aimed at me as damaging.

 

[Aspychata]

It's great that you are looking at your thought patterns and writing about this. It helps all of us understand you, and even look at our own thought patterns. Giant therapy session. Lol

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I know what I have isn’t a disease. I struggle with chemical imbalances and discouragement from bad social experiences.

More excuses not to change. Why do you want to live in the past?

 

[Aspychata]

@Gerald Wilgus
What was your thought process that finally freed you from living in your past? Maybe explaining this will help free @Markness .

 

[tree]

I know what I have isn’t a disease. I struggle with chemical imbalances and discouragement from bad social experiences.

What you "have" is your thoughts.

You are the one doing the thinking that results in the feelings.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

@Gerald Wilgus
What was your thought process that finally freed you from living in your past? Maybe explaining this will help free @Markness .

That happened in two stages. The first was at 25 when having successes in research just exacerbated my loneliness, being socially unsuccessful. I changed a lot about myself, being able to advocate for my happiness and ended up growing. That buried the social trauma I felt.

Then, ageing left me with physical limitations and I reluctantly dialed back on things I enjoy. That triggered thoughts of my past failures and sent me back into the mind of that hurting, lonely, young man. It was getting bad and affecting my relationships, so all last year I was undergoing Cognitive Processing Therapy for that PTSD. It was challenging, deconstructing my thinking, which revealed the lies I told myself to deny my successes. Actually, for a while I thought worst of myself, but now I am happily living in the present.

 

[Lysholm]

there are people here who like me. It’s the ones who I feel don’t I wish I could shake the feelings of contempt from or at least know they aren’t trying to stop me from wanting a girlfriend.

You seem to be conflating contempt with being blunt.

When you ask for advice or air grievances people are going to give their perspective and recommendations. This is an attempt to give you tools to better assess your situation. It is not judgement or ridicule. Quite the opposite, actually, as people who dislike you or don't care will simply disengage from all your content. I've seen zero evidence that anyone responding to your threads dislikes you and wants you to be miserable.

Based on the above quote I can make an educated guess that you feel despised by people who don't talk to you - as if not giving you attention is their way of punishing you for being you. I can assure you they don't have an opinion of you either way. Most people - particularly NT's' - are too busy with their lives to consider anyone outside of their social circle. As @Au Naturel already stated: it's a defense mechanism. Your brain is ascribing feelings to others preemptively so you never have to confront any legitimate dislike by others. Your way is consistent, comfortable, manageable...and inaccurate to excess.

Perhaps you judge others too hastily, and therefore assume everyone else does the same to you?

One of the most effective posters on your threads has been @tree who makes unique and powerful observations of your writings. I have not seen anything in tree's responses that indicates they dislike you or don't want you to have a girlfriend. I haven't seen that attitude form anyone responding to your threads.

If you think I dislike you then you are incorrect. You can cause a lot of frustration because you deflect most attempts to help you, but that doesn't translate into dislike. I think a lot of said deflections are an attempt to make posters continue giving you attention, but that doesn't translate into wishing misery upon you.

Even if someone here holds real contempt toward you, this is not a restraint or barrier with tangible effect.

As I've said before, you are too close to your situation to make accurate assessments. It's fairly obvious you are merely waiting for external factors to change your life for you. You are hurt and vulnerable and essentially beyond anyone's help ATM. Despite this people continue to offer advice and encouragement - these are not the actions of people who feel contempt toward you.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Here is a valuable article for you, @Markness .

Articles On The Idea Of Changing Socially | www.succeedsocially.com

Some readers are more wary about the idea of having to change to do better socially. The concept may make them think of things like conforming and selling out, or having to change more about themselves than they'd like. There aren't any single, neat answers for this issue, but these articles...

www.succeedsocially.com