People on the spectrum using the net to find love

[. . .]

I strongly believe that the net is the most feasible way for people on the spectrum to find love. After all, most people on the spectrum that I've met online met their partners online. The only way I see myself finding a mate these days is by using the internet as it's usually the only way I'm able to feel comfortable enough to initiate convos with people.

I'm currently not looking for love and haven't been for a long time, but if I'm to find love anytime in the future I'm confident that it will involve me meeting someone online. I'm forcing myself not to date someone until I fix my life up. Had I already fixed things, I'm confident that I'd be dating someone that I'd met online right now . . .

Anyway: do you also believe that the net is the easiest way for people on the spectrum to find love? Have you had luck with meeting someone online? Have you tried finding love IRL, but struggled? Etc. etc. etc.

Contribute whatever you like. I await your responses.

 

[epath13]

I strongly believe that the net is the most feasible way for people on the spectrum to find love. After all, most people on the spectrum that I've met online met their partners online. The only way I see myself finding a mate these days is by using the internet as it's usually the only way I'm able to feel comfortable enough to initiate convos with people.

I'm currently not looking for love and haven't been for a long time, but if I'm to find love anytime in the future I'm confident that it will involve me meeting someone online. I'm forcing myself not to date someone until I fix my life up. Had I already fixed things, I'm confident that I'd be dating someone that I'd met online right now . . .

Anyway: do you also believe that the net is the easiest way for people on the spectrum to find love? Have you had luck with meeting someone online? Have you tried finding love IRL, but struggled? Etc. etc. etc.

Contribute whatever you like. I await your responses.

I've met my husband of almost 9 years online (on icq if someone still remembers it I don't even know if it still exists ) Anyway.... Before that I dated people who I met offline in the end I was fed up with all the communication complications. Plus it seemed like a huge waste of time and energy to search for someone offline. If you'd compare search for a mach online and offline it's sort of like shopping in a small shop or in a huge mall. Of course there's no guarantee that even in a huge mall you can find what you're looking for but there're definitely more choices. Plus online you can 1st chat with no obligations, promises or expectations. Also you can present yourself in a best possible way, to create..lets say a good 1st impression. So I think it's a good idea, especially now when there're so many more social and progressive dating websites out there.

 

[juffur]

I've fallen in love with someone online. It is long distance, but I believe things will work out ok in the end. The Internet really allowed me to get close with someone while avoiding the awkward and stressful social situations that come along with asperger's syndrome. I believe it's a great way to meet someone.

 

[Droopy]

I don't think online dating is for me. Most people that I would like to meet live far away and that is a major barrier. I honestly don't think "long distance relationships" are practical. So, unless I meet someone who happens to live close to me, or at least in the same country, then I can't see it working. Besides that, I'm shy with talking to people online in one-to-one conversations (apart from people who I have known for a while) and especially with the opposite sex.

But if anyone wants to chat, for whatever purpose, send me a message and I'll give you my MSN address.

 

[Geordie]

I know people who use online matchmaking tools. I also know people who date no one but the computer.

 

[kasmanaft08]

I have to agree that the internet is the best way to go about finding love for Aspies.

I've mentioned before in other posts that I have difficulties meeting people in real life in general, even worse if I am looking for a date/relationship. Talking to people online as friends is a good way to get to know people and feel connected to them, while still in your comfort zone (until you're ready) and without the body language/social protocol worries alongside getting to know a new person.

Other dates/ex boyfriends I've had were all from online in some way, before it was mostly "through a friend" sort of chat, like Facebook or (back in the day) MSN/AIM. The last ex I met on a penpal/language exchange sort of site. I think the reasons why those didn't work were more or less because there was a lack of honesty and miscommunication. People still lie and exaggerate things on the internet, which I found out (I also take things very literally, which is part of it).

But I also didn't mention my Asperger's or anything I felt was personal like that to most people straight away- or when I chose to, they didn't get it and I just shrugged it off as my problem I have to fix. I never thought to find people online who also were on the spectrum, mainly because I wasn't sure how I felt about it for myself.

I would think sites like Facebook, many broad-based dating sites, sites which are more mixed as far as personalities go, still give you the same chances of finding compatible love as the real world. Which is, sorry to say, rather difficult.

The current boyfriend I met through aspie sites, and I can tell already there's a massive difference in comfort level/relationship-friendship quality. I think it's important to be able to talk to someone who is similar to you in that sense, or at least have some similar interests/personalities. So I think niche-specific dating sites are good, as well as forums like these, to get to know people.

Worked for me anyhow.(so far, but I have a good feeling)

 

[Mr. Jones]

I agree - the Internet has proven to be the best method for me to communicate with others and develop social connections.

My last girlfriend and I met through a dating application on Facebook. She lived in the same area that I did at the time and we became extremely close to each other. Unfortunately, though, her family and friends were unable to accept me and she subsequently left me for that reason.

Additionally my current best friend (who also happens to be my only friend) and I began corresponding five years ago after connecting on Yahoo Answers. She lives in the United States but that has not proven to be an unmanageable barrier - I drove to the United States and visited her in 2009 and am planning on doing that a second time in the next few years. We have exchanged thousands of emails and nobody understands nor accepts me like she does.

Overall I have had more success in developing relationships and friendships online than I have in person; however, when discussing social connections with others in the same area that I live in, I have found that the Internet is effective in finding me dates but no real connections, because it is common for the other person to disappear and be unreachable after our first meeting.

Match.com sounds like it might be a better service than free dating websites for me - the women on free dating websites strike me as too immature to be able to understand or connect with me. Perhaps a service that requires a subscription might be better??

Personally I am straightforward about my diagnosis because I don't feel like I should have to hide that side of me because others might find it unattractive. If someone is unable to accept that side of me than I see little reason to be around them. Both my best friend and my last girlfriend were aware of it at the beginning and both were fine with that.

 

[2010Dolby]

Iv never tried online dating. I never plan on it either. I find the idea of it a little bit too different for me. Every one of my ex-girlfriends and (kinda) current girlfriend I've met in real life. I usually meet them at work, friend-of-a-friend, a party. Im not to bad with girls but the one thing Im terrible at is getting a girls phone number after meeting her. When I work with her or see her on a regular basis then Im so much better at it.

 

[RavenSly]

Hey, just for reference, I seem to have noticed something that I haven't seen anyone else bring up...Why don't we just do it here? This is a part of the Internet, and we all know each other [to an extent, depending on the people and how much they've interacted], so why can't we just use this as a place to find someone, among the other members? It would be someone who has the same condition, and would therefore also be someone who would understand what you're going through, so it only seems like common sense that in a Love and Dating Sub-Forum, on a Forum for Aspies, who are in general disconnected from the rest of the population, that we actually use our site as a place to meet people we might want to go out with.

For the record, I looked in the Rules, and in the threads on the Rules and Announcement forum, and I haven't seen anything that mentions whether or not we're actually allowed to pursue relationships with other members on the site. I know sometimes there are legal problems with that stuff [all that "you never know who you'll meet on the Web" crap] If there's not any reason why we can't do it though, I would think it would just seem like a no-brainer. Thoughts?

 

[epath13]

Hey, just for reference, I seem to have noticed something that I haven't seen anyone else bring up...Why don't we just do it here? This is a part of the Internet, and we all know each other [to an extent, depending on the people and how much they've interacted], so why can't we just use this as a place to find someone, among the other members? It would be someone who has the same condition, and would therefore also be someone who would understand what you're going through, so it only seems like common sense that in a Love and Dating Sub-Forum, on a Forum for Aspies, who are in general disconnected from the rest of the population, that we actually use our site as a place to meet people we might want to go out with.

For the record, I looked in the Rules, and in the threads on the Rules and Announcement forum, and I haven't seen anything that mentions whether or not we're actually allowed to pursue relationships with other members on the site. I know sometimes there are legal problems with that stuff [all that "you never know who you'll meet on the Web" crap] If there's not any reason why we can't do it though, I would think it would just seem like a no-brainer. Thoughts?

I might be wrong but I think most of people don't come here looking for dates... but again maybe I'm wrong. Plus I don't think anything special should be done about this, besides, people who are looking for someone can always check out profiles and see who's single or, I don't know, organize a group maybe. I think you should talk to administrators about it...

So am I right or am I wrong? Anyone come here to find love? I think most of people come here simply to share their experience that's it.

 

[2010Dolby]

I might be wrong but I think most of people don't come here looking for dates... but again maybe I'm wrong. Plus I don't think anything special should be done about this, besides, people who are looking for someone can always check out profiles and see who's single or, I don't know, organize a group maybe. I think you should talk to administrators about it...

So am I right or am I wrong? Anyone come here to find love? I think most of people come here simply to share their experience that's it.

I totally agree. I come here to just hang out and talk to other aspies like me. Kinda remarkable, im not a major computer person but I think I can consider some people on here to be those "internet friends".

Id imagine some people can treat AC like any other social event... you come around to hang out and talk but theres always the chance you'll meet someone you like. While its not the primary goal its a secondary opportunity.

 

[Mr. Jones]

I might be wrong but I think most of people don't come here looking for dates... but again maybe I'm wrong. Plus I don't think anything special should be done about this, besides, people who are looking for someone can always check out profiles and see who's single or, I don't know, organize a group maybe. I think you should talk to administrators about it...

So am I right or am I wrong? Anyone come here to find love?

Well, to be honest, I have found love in unlikely places, sometimes so unlikely that it is almost baffling. I met my best friend because she answered a random question I posted on Yahoo Answers five years ago. We?ve travelled across countries to see each other, or at least I have and she is supposed to. How many relationships of that kind develop on a Q&A site?

And I have been on forums about specific interests where some of the users married another user on the forum.

Love is weird .

However, I wouldn?t be interested in dating on this forum because, while another individual with Aspergers might understand me better, I think we might be too similar for a relationship to form. I come here strictly for a little socializing with others like me.

 

[RavenSly]

I didn't say that that's what people had come here for, I was just suggesting that we have a place specifically for it for those people who want to. I realize that its not what the forum's about, but it'd just be nice to have a place for it for those who want to explore possibly pursuing a relationship among the other members. Like me, I'm currently single and I've had an extremely hard time finding someone who I'd want to go out with. I didn't come here to find a partner either, but I'd like the option to try it if possible, that's all.

 

[Mr. Jones]

I didn't say that that's what people had come here for, I was just suggesting that we have a place specifically for it for those people who want to. I realize that its not what the forum's about, but it'd just be nice to have a place for it for those who want to explore possibly pursuing a relationship among the other members. Like me, I'm currently single and I've had an extremely hard time finding someone who I'd want to go out with. I didn't come here to find a partner either, but I'd like the option to try it if possible, that's all.

Doesn't seem like a bad idea to me . I've heard there was a dating site specifically for persons with disabilities? Forget what it is called. Whatever. A little Aspie Central dating would be neat, though .

 

[kasmanaft08]

Hmm, well...

I think the best route is to form friendships first. That's really what I would encourage the most, since this is more of a community and "hangout/support" site, not a dating site. (It's also nice to see members sort of "know each other" in posts, if that makes any sense)

However, I personally wouldn't of course discourage relationships being formed from here (I would be a massive hypocrit at this point if I did). And have even said myself that like-minded forums like these are a good way to meet people.

So...I can't assure any answers to it, but if anyone were to make a (tasteful) thread about being single and what you're looking for, then that would give people a sort list of who may be open to talking in that sense. As long as there aren't tons of seperate topics popping up that end up sounding like advertisements and Craigslists ads, I personally wouldn't mind a discreet one. If you aren't sure, you can always PM one of the Admins or a Mod.

Just be aware if you are PM-ing people or making threads, to make sure you aren't being too pushy or harassing anyone. If you feel someone is doing that to you, make sure you PM an admin/mod immediately. But as long as everyone is nice and respectful, and there's no retaliation to any rejections...I don't see why not. I don't recall any specific rule actively discouraging it.

(Btw-this is not directing this at anyone specific, but it's happened at least once on other forums I've been on).

 

[Droopy]

I don't mind others using Aspies Central to find love with other members. If I understand correctly, you want an additional sub-forum under Love, Relationships and Dating? An additional sub-forum could possibly be added at some point after I give it some more thought. In the meantime perhaps you could start a single thread for members to post their details/status and if that thread proves successful in terms of activity, then we could open up a specific sub-forum for it.

 

[Flinty]

So am I right or am I wrong? Anyone come here to find love? I think most of people come here simply to share their experience that's it.

My thinking is "if it happens, it happens". But then again, I'm the one who's probably not looking at all.