People like me with ASD are rare

[Oz67]

I developed neurotypical social skills by studying psychology, even though I have Autism Spectrum Disorder.

I used to meet diagnostic criteria A and B for Autism Spectrum Disorder, but I improved so much in therapy that I only now meet diagnostic criteria B for Autism Spectrum Disorder.

I wonder if that is possible, I know that it's unusual.

 

[Jordy]

learning how to mask better is not rare.

 

[Magna]

I'm not sure about that. I do know that being "good" at masking is not the same thing as no longer having masking drain you. Meaning, a person could be "good" at masking but still have it be a mental, psychological, emotional and even physical drain. As such, if masking is still a drain on a person (it certainly is for me and every other autistic person I've talked with), then getting better at it doesn't mean the underlying negative effects of it are gone.

I also know from personal experience that the effects of masking were/are cumulative for me. What was easier when I was younger got more difficult when I became older; to the point that I not only didn't want to do it (ie masking) any longer but I realized that years of doing so was damaging to me, namely to my view of myself, my self-worth, confusion related to my personality or lack thereof (ie pretending to be something that I wasn't).

Here's what I mean:

If an autistic person becomes "good" or "great" at masking to the point that the person can attend a very active, loud, high energy function for hours that involves a lot of communication with others in an environment that is overloaded with sensory stimuli (e.g. a gala, party, "mixer", etc)...and the person masks so well others don't suspect the person isn't NT...but the person is drained afterward rather than loving every minute of it and ready for more, it's not something I would strive for at all, personally. The underlying result wouldn't change for me (ie being drained from such interactions) even if I became the best at masking that there ever was. So for me it wouldn't be an accomplishment I'd care about having. I think in a way it would actually be worse for me because of how I'd feel about it.

 

[Oz67]

learning how to mask better is not rare.

Those skills that I have goes beyond masking though.

 

[Oz67]

I'm not sure about that. I do know that being "good" at masking is not the same thing as no longer having masking drain you. Meaning, a person could be "good" at masking but still have it be a mental, psychological, emotional and even physical drain. As such, if masking is still a drain on a person (it certainly is for me and every other autistic person I've talked with), then getting better at it doesn't mean the underlying negative effects of it are gone.

I also know from personal experience that the effects of masking were/are cumulative for me. What was easier when I was younger got more difficult when I became older; to the point that I not only didn't want to do it (ie masking) any longer but I realized that years of doing so was damaging to me, namely to my view of myself, my self-worth, confusion related to my personality or lack thereof (ie pretending to be something that I wasn't).

Here's what I mean:

If an autistic person becomes "good" or "great" at masking to the point that the person can attend a very active, loud, high energy function for hours that involves a lot of communication with others in an environment that is overloaded with sensory stimuli (e.g. a gala, party, "mixer", etc)...and the person masks so well others don't suspect the person isn't NT...but the person is drained afterward rather than loving every minute of it and ready for more, it's not something I would strive for at all, personally. The underlying result wouldn't change for me (ie being drained from such interactions) even if I became the best at masking that there ever was, so for me it wouldn't be an accomplishment I'd care about. I think in a way it would actually be worse for me because of how I'd feel about it.

I can mask, but those skills that I have goes beyond masking though.

 

[Darkkin]

No one knows I'm autistic until I actually say something, but I rarely bring it up, even then people are surprised. I don't draw attention to it because I don't want to have to deal with the 'But you don't look autistic.'

I can people exceptionally well when I need to. And when I engage it is like someone flips a switch and I can charm the hell out of people.

But I still have bad days when my shields and shell are under repair and my 'tells' show.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I developed neurotypical social skills by studying psychology, even though I have Autism Spectrum Disorder.

I used to meet diagnostic criteria A and B for Autism Spectrum Disorder, but I improved so much in therapy that I only now meet diagnostic criteria B for Autism Spectrum Disorder.

I wonder if that is possible, I know that it's unusual.

Being educated, self-aware, and actively practicing neurotypical communication and social behavior is helpful in certain situations. However, do not confuse this with true ability. Do not take this statement as argumentative, because it is possible to develop new neural pathways,...in some cases,...and appear to have some ability.

You've probably viewed my posts on the topic of "perspective" and how important it is. I am much more self-aware and considerate now,...and like many of us,...a work in progress. In many respects, I can interact socially with much more skill in perspective taking than most neurotypical people I know,...but it doesn't mean I can actually sense and fully appreciate another's perspective. I have no idea what my wife is thinking,...and in many cases, feeling. As a care giver in the intensive care unit, I can be with parents of a critically ill infant,...see their grief and concern,...but never have any true sense of it.

What I don't have a good sense for is, at what point does the ability to "mask" due to awareness, education, and perhaps therapy,...become actual functional intellectual ability?

 

[Thinx]

My idea at present is that there is an intellectual path to empathy aswell as an emotional one. They are different, but I don't think of either as superior or inferior, just different. Possibly, the Emotional path is more the norm for neurotypical people. Hence people like Sherlock Holmes stand out, as they process via their intellect, but with huge focus and accuracy, in his case.

I don't mean to say Sherlock Holmes is a portrayal of a character with autism, more that it is non typical to be insightful / empathic via intellect and that it does look different if dissected, as @Neonatal RRT has described. Is it somehow lesser? Or just different, and generally misunderstood? I concur that this path is learnable in my experience. It's what I do too, after much relevant therapy, training and development.

Also, I experience a propensity to somehow non purposefully download the emotions of others, bizarre though that sounds. Hence I for example sob my way through funerals whether I am close to the person or not, there's just so much sadness there. Similarly, had to warn my partner I am almost sure to cry at our wedding.

Bummer, because we are just doing a totally plain exchange of vows at a registry office, to keep it simple, and I know my partner will likely be mortified. But there will be emotions around for many in that room, and I will probably channel them, and sob out my vows like a numpty. So unfair.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

What you did I do not think is unusual. Well before I was diagnosed I knew that I was a failure socially and at my lowest point decided to learn and practice. Yet now, It still takes me much time to process social communication, and like @Neonatal RRT , perspective does not come naturally. I believe that I was only able to make progress socially those long years ago was because in learning something, I, like many with ASD, am tenacious. Such peseveration also has negatives when I am so focused I am blind to somewhat important distractions.

 

[Luca]

I've been told pretty frequently that my way of interacting socially "doesn't seem like I'm autistic," unless I'm nervous, then I don't think I do a good job masking. But I have decent social skills and I'm "charismatic" and "bubbly."
I've mentioned before that I think talking about my special interests is what "outs" me. But considering how much of my time is spent around other dog people, I don't think they really notice.

Some people are just better at masking than others, and some of us have adapted so we can use it either as a defense mechanism, or a learning tool (or both.) I learn by observing, most of the time, and I'm usually pretty aware and self-conscious of when I do something embarrassing.
I've had to adapt to behaving like I'm "less autistic" in certain social settings, to avoid bullying But even if bullies don't think/notice that I'm autistic, they can sometimes find something else to pick on me about.

Hope that makes sense!

 

[Suzanne]

It is pretty rare in our male counterparts, but for us females, it is normal, as we are able to function to a certain point and no one would guess I have aspergers, until they get to know me a little.

It was a miracle that I even received my formal diagnosis, since it is considered a male "handicap" and mostly diagnosed in children, so here comes a female who is not a child and her only "proof" is her husband who could relate my strangeness, and me also relating things that after studying a lot and thus, recognising traits, that I was able to give the correct information and diagnosed pretty fast.

 

[Fino]

I studied psychology for the same reason, starting in middle-school.