I know you have been and so, bravo to you!
I went to a gathering yesterday and although it was VERY HARD for me, I did manage to not want to break down into tears, but a couple of times, did feel that a smile was plastered onto my face!
The horrible thing is that I know everyone and they are lovely people to know and I like them, but it can take ONE person in the room, to cause me to feel out on a limb and that is how I felt yesterday. Also, worst still, I thought: I best dress casual for this and so, wore jeans for the first time in several years and felt: HORRIBLE! I am just not a trouser's woman or more to the point, jeans woman, so if I had some trousers, perhaps it would have been different.
They had karaoke and although I did not get up and sing ( sends me into a panic; cannot do that at all), I certainly enjoyed the clear sounds and wow just my kind of volume and surprised me to see two of my girl friends' putting their hands to their ears lol and here I am, having pushed some wax into my ear drums, by accident, after a shower and thus, rather unbalanced in my hearing, but I just cannot help loving music at top volume!
I was crying in my heart, because the way I am in front of many ones, is not who I am really! It also is hard keeping up with the banter, but I do believe I did fairly well!
Today, is another scary one for me, because after our meeting ( christians), we are going for a walk and then, a picnic. Usually, I would duck out of the walk, but making myself go on this one, because it is not a long walk and the walk is a very pretty one and plus, it will help my appetite for that tends to vanish, when in groups.
I won't fib and tell you that I have thoroughly enjoyed myself; in fact, I long to be on my own to breath and tuesday will be that day!
If the party had been dancing with lights out and disco lights on ( which they have), I would have been ok!
And don't go there with taking pictures! One brother (spiritual), decided to take a picture of everyone, but ones do not reckon on stubborn Suzanne and even though he called my name out to get me to turn around, I ignored him and kept my face away and he soon gave up. It is not just plain vanity; it is much deeper, but well, one can hardly explain!