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Parent of a 14 year old Aspie daughter

S

ssd161

Active Member
Hi all,

I'm the mother of a 14 yr old recently-diagnosed Aspie daughter who also happens to have ADHD (previously diagnosed at 7...but now I'm wondering about that in light of her Aspie diagnosis). I am looking forward to participating and learning in these forums, especially from teens / parents of teens.
 
Welcome :)

I hope you find what you're looking for here. Our members are very friendly, and helpful, so feel free to join conversations, and ask questions. I've also added a few links to help you to better navigate through the information on this site:

Parenting section: Parenting & Autism Discussions | AspiesCentral.com

Recommended readings: Resources | AspiesCentral.com

If you haven't heard of Dr. Tony Attwood before, I recommend his books and advice:
Home

This book is a great addition for helping both women with AS, and their parents, better understand how women on the spectrum may present different traits to men:
Aspergirls: Empowering Females With Asperger Syndrome | AspiesCentral.com
 
ssd161 said:
Hi all,

I'm the mother of a 14 yr old recently-diagnosed Aspie daughter who also happens to have ADHD (previously diagnosed at 7...but now I'm wondering about that in light of her Aspie diagnosis). I am looking forward to participating and learning in these forums, especially from teens / parents of teens.
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i hated myself a lot at that age. i hope she dosent go through the same thing.
 
Hi ssd161, welcome to our community. We have quite a few great teens and their parents and other assorted characters visiting here so feel right at home :)
 
Welcome to AspiesCentral :)

I often bring up the fact that there are way too many comorbids patterns involved with autism for them to not be from autism...they don't understand autism to begin with,so how do they know what is or isn't comorbid to it?

I hope you find help and answers here at AC for your child
 
I hope so too, commander. She has a strong sense of self in a lot of ways -- she doesn't try to change herself to fit in...but the flip side of that is that she stands out and thus has been a victim of bullying at various points...grade 5 and 7 were really bad. So far so good in high school, but she is *really* trying to lay low...she has lunch in the resource room instead of the cafeteria because she is terrified of trying to make friends. She gets down on herself quite often about this, which worries me.

the-commander said:
i hated myself a lot at that age. i hope she dosent go through the same thing.
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I think you are really on to something here, Nitro. I look at my daughter and catch myself wondering whether a specific trait or behaviour is the ADHD or the Aspergers...yes, some traits are common to both...but I am sure there are many more ADHD traits as well that could really be Aspergers. I wonder because, for example, she can concentrate on tasks that she isn't really into, when she has to. My understanding is that when there is ADHD the attention is selective...i.e. they can only focus when something really has captured their interest, to the point of hyper-focus. Yeah, she can hyper-focus on whatever her current obsession is (a specific Japanese anime right now), but she *can* also do her math homework, even though she doesn't give too hoots about it. That sounds more Aspie than ADHD, imho.

Nitro said:
Welcome to AspiesCentral :)

I often bring up the fact that there are way too many comorbids patterns involved with autism for them to not be from autism...they don't understand autism to begin with,so how do they know what is or isn't comorbid to it?

I hope you find help and answers here at AC for your child
Click to expand...
 
ssd161 said:
I hope so too, commander. She has a strong sense of self in a lot of ways -- she doesn't try to change herself to fit in...but the flip side of that is that she stands out and thus has been a victim of bullying at various points...grade 5 and 7 were really bad. So far so good in high school, but she is *really* trying to lay low...she has lunch in the resource room instead of the cafeteria because she is terrified of trying to make friends. She gets down on herself quite often about this, which worries me.
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i had a lot of freinds at that age, i wouldnt say i had a strong sense of self, i ****ing hated myself and still do to some degree (its pretty hard not to, especially when every school shooting is going to be linked to aspergers at some point and half the people there just asume you dont want to talk to them). i dunno, shes definatly less likely to do drugs or off herself or **** up at school then i was (ive did/done all of those things). i really want to say that its not for the better but if im honest with myself its probably for the better.
 
ssd161 said:
I think you are really on to something here, Nitro..
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I have a very open mind :D

To me,the psych world relies on too many subjective observations during their diagnostics for them to be scientific enough to satisfy me.
 
ssd161 , it warms my heart every time I see a concerned parent show up here in our little Aspie corner. I hope you will find both the Parenting forums and our Resources section helpful. Please, feel free to browse around and see what information you can find, and don't hesitate to ask any questions you might have. Welcome!

wyv
 
ssd161 said:
She has a strong sense of self in a lot of ways -- she doesn't try to change herself to fit in...but the flip side of that is that she stands out and thus has been a victim of bullying at various points...grade 5 and 7 were really bad. So far so good in high school, but she is *really* trying to lay low...she has lunch in the resource room instead of the cafeteria because she is terrified of trying to make friends. She gets down on herself quite often about this, which worries me.
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I was very similar to your daughter at this age.
I did a social group last year (I'm in 8th grade now)... The one girl was afraid of making friends because of the way everyone treated her and never wanted to go to the lunch room as there were hundreds of kids there who all had friends. The other girl said she had friends, but when asked about them, she really didn't have any friends. I have friends - we're all crazy and immature. Does your daughter see any therapists who might be able to help her with social skills?
 
Greetings and welcome!!

I was diagnosed late in life... but over the many years of analysis by a plethora of professionals, I have been diagnosed with just about everything under the sun, from OCD to ADHD, to NPB, to ETC, until they finally figured out I was living on the rainbow. Now none of the previous diagnoses hold water and all the letters merged into Aspie.

Hope you enjoy the forums!!
 
Lukas said:
Greetings and welcome!!

I was diagnosed late in life... but over the many years of analysis by a plethora of professionals, I have been diagnosed with just about everything under the sun, from OCD to ADHD, to NPB, to ETC, until they finally figured out I was living on the rainbow. Now none of the previous diagnoses hold water and all the letters merged into Aspie.

Hope you enjoy the forums!!
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im very glad i was diagnosed early.
 
As a kid, my parents, doctors and others tried to figure out what I needed to fix to make me better. I didn't get much of a chance to just become who I was. With aspergers ADHD and other diagnosis it's tough enough to figure out what's going on with us but for me to figure out what was going on I needed to become who I am first instead of trying to fix who I am not. Sometimes the hardest thing is to do nothing. But many times it is the best thing. This is only my experience. I am not assuming or guessing that this happens or is being done by someone else. I am only sharing the information I have from my own experience. I am new to this site as well and I find tremendous amounts of help, comfort and advice from the experiences shared here. I hope you and your daughter find the same. Welcome.
 
Hi, about the time of puberty was when my son started to not cope at school and was diagnosed. In those days school was no help at all so I took him out and schooled him from home through distance education program. It allowed him to learn to understand himself and his condition and work at a pace he could deal with. Always takes twice as long to complete things. With very minimal success at working 8 hrs per week casual, at age 24 he was assessed for disability support because Aspergers is a lifelong disability. Long term work was never going to be something he would cope with. He has always been a loner but understanding why makes it easier to accept. Currently considering applying for a companion card for entry to events because he can't cope on his own to go anywhere with large groups of people. He needs help to get out and about to have some form of life which the card will help do.
Hope this helps show that supportive mothers make all the difference in Aspies lives through research of what's best for the individual needs.
Anyone struggling with school and bullying, I would highly recommend distance ed from home if you think you can be a good supervisor, because it reduces so much stress on the whole situation.
Well that's been my experience anyway
 
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