Paranoia Getting Bad

[Robby]

So I have mild autism, very high functioning, also some anxiety but that is mostly under control now. The thing is, although my anxiety and panic attacks have totally gone away now, I am suffering from pretty intense paranoia. Like I am constantly afraid or thinking people are watching or following me. It's affecting my ability or lack thereof to date too. I am openly gay, and am just starting to try dating again, but I have these strong fears of getting too close to someone for fear they might be a stalker or something. Just crazy stuff. I used to have it earlier in life, but it went away for awhile, but now it's back. Xanax helps it some. But it comes back. It's probably some other form of anxiety, I'm not sure, but I just have this constant fear that seems to be getting worse that people are watching me or will try and follow me or something. I don't have any issue any more with interacting with people like day to day, in stores, or job interviews, but when it comes to like dating or meeting someone like I don't know very well, I am always like overly scared that they might be crazy or something. Not sure why. It seems to be getting worse, I am constantly looking over my shoulder and just always have this tense feeling that if I try and date, or even just meet a guy for drinks or something, that he'll turn out to be a psycho and follow me. I just always have this weird crazy feeling that if I meet a guy for a casual date or even just a hookup, that he'll try and find out where I live or something. So in turn I tend to hold back a lot and just not get close to many people I don't know. I know that probably sounds stupid. But I can't help it. I've come so far in so many other ways, not sure why this paranoia is getting worse. I guess I'll talk to my doc about it.

 

[Beverly]

I know the feeling but, for me it's because of my career that I have to question the motives of anyone I might date.

Still perhaps knowing that dangerous stalkers are extremely rare, even for celebrities may be a small comfort to you. Sure you'll find a few gold diggers looking for a sugar daddy, and some that are just odd but harmeless. That's people and nothing to be afraid of.

If dangerous stalkers or bad crazies were common, I would be dead or, at the least injured by one by now and, it hasn't happened. I've had FIVE, yes only five love sick fans follow me home/back to my hotel ever, in thirty years in the spotlight so, even that isn't going to happen very often.

Best thing to do is meet, taking separate transportation, at public places for a few dates until you get to know them, then when they invite you to their place, make sure you aren't relying on them for transportation until you are 100% sure they are trustworthy, decent people. Chances are the are just that, but a bit of sensible caution never hurt anyone and, a reasonable person won't be offended by it either.

 

[Robby]

I know a lot of this paranoia I have is irrational, but it's like something in my brain I can't turn off. I think part of it too is that you see so much crazy stuff on the news, and people on facebook constantly talking about their relationships (which I hate) & then talking about how crazy their exes are. An acquaintance of mine broke up with his b/f not long back and then his b/f randomly hit me up on a dating site. Then he proceeded to start badmouthing his ex to me, someone he's never met. I don't know why people think it's a good idea to tell someone you haven't met or don't know the messy details of their previous relationship. That's such a turn off. Anyways, I didn't want to hear it so I blocked the guy. I have enough of my own drama without someone else's.

Maybe I'm old school but I feel like the only people that I can really truly depend on are my family I just have trouble trusting others. Maybe one day I will but right now not ready for a relationship. I think I'm also a little afraid to get too close to guys because I'm afraid they'll be the clingy type or want more before I'm ready. And so I am holding back because I have so much of my own things going on I certainly don't need added drama.

I agree with what you said, it's a good idea to meet using separate means of transport which I do anyway, and also try to let someone else know where you're going beforehand. And of course meet in public. I feel like you just can't trust people. I hope I can overcome the paranoia eventually, but right now I'm just too leery to get too close to someone.

 

[Beverly]

I think where your having a problem is trying to overcome it totally, across the board instead of only toward one other person at a time.

I'm always aware that any fan I interact with or, even that attends a concert might be the one that's obsessed with me to the point of trying to kill me if they can't have me. it hasn't happened yet, but, it's something I have to think about every time I leave the safety of my home or tour bus. I have to be a little paranoid of fans, one might go postal on me, they might rush me and cause an altercation with my security, they might throw something at me that will injure me and, yes any one of them might be my stalker that's going to follow me until either they die, I die, they are arrested or, they kill me. Again it hasn't gotten that bad yet, but, I live everyday knowing one day I might encounter my deadly stalker. That isn't irrational paranoia as long as you know the odds of it actually happening are small and, you don't allow it to prevent you from doing what you want to do, or from meeting people you want to meet.

Try learning not to be suspicious and paranoid of one person at a time instead of the whole world - doesn't hurt to be wary of people as a group and, scared of possible crowd mentality turning violent - it happens but, being aware that it could, though is unlikely means you will be ready to act if it does happen.

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst and, take what comes. No matter what, you will be ready for it, you won't freak out if the worst happens because you already have a plan of action, you'll be delighted if the best happens because that's what you hoped for and, anything in between is pretty good and, you're ready for that too which is probably where reality is going to land.

 

[Robby]

Totally agree with what you say Beverly! I think part of being mildly autistic at least for me is that I am very hyperaware to begin with I notice things others don't, & sometimes I go a bit overboard and add in things that shouldn't be inferred. I've always been pretty social & able to find areas like theater & art & drama & swimming that I enjoy and fit into pretty well, now I'm working on lining up a good job for myself & just trying test out the dating game again Lol. I try not to assume every new random guy I meet is going to be Glenn Close from Fatal Attraction I need to work on assuming the best instead of the worst lol. There are a lot of crazies out there, I am just taking my time with the dating thing. Right now I'm more paranoid of like each individual person I meet not so much groups of people, but I am trying to find that balance of keeping my guard up, without being so paranoid so as to exclude potentially cool people or even boyfriend material lol. Work in progress! Thanks again for the sweet comments.

 

[Beverly]

Yeah, hyper aware is my problem, if you call that a problem. I don't consider it a problem. I thought it was until I took concealed and self defence firearms training and, heard form police officers what can actually happen. being aware of every detail in your environment is a good thing. Panicing or imagining negativity that isn't there is a bad thing but, being prepared just in case it really is there is a good thing.

I know, fine line between wise vigelence and debilitating paranoia and, meds or just somone to talk with may help. As much as we'd like to think we can do it alone, now and then even the best of us need a bit of outside help.

 

[noisewav]

Scratch that, that was a misstep. I doubt you have anything nearly as severe as that. >_< I'm a bit obsessed with mental afflictions currently, actually one of the things that led me to this site.

Maybe this? Yeah, just talk to your doctor, I'm an idiot. http://psychcentral.com/disorders/paranoid-personality-disorder-symptoms/

 

[Robby]

Yea I think it's probably just a personality thing. I'm pretty high functioning and don't hear voices or anything, I just get these paranoid feelings a lot and am getting tired of them. Going to tell my doc next time I see them, hope he doesn't think I'm completely nuts.

 

[noisewav]

Nah they deal with much worse things, actually one of the worst things about modern society is it's stigma of mental illnesses, people are adverse as about seeing a doctor or dentist for physical problems. It's just something society needs to learn to deal with. Good luck, sorry for the exaggeration, I deleted the original post because it felt offensive, I find it hard to tell whether something will offend someone or not.

 

[David Larson]

I have/had issues with severe paranoia as well, sometimes it's no issue, sometimes it destroys me; like you, Xanax helps a bit but not always. However, in both my case and from the sounds of thing yours as well, "paranoia" might be somewhat of a misnomer - it's really more like hypervigilance.

Hypervigilance is like a type of anxiety, but not the conventional type. There's a vicious cycle that can occur, in which our typical anxiety makes us hyperviglant, the hypervigilance makes us more anxious, the additional anxiety further heightens the hypervigilance, and so on and so forth until we've reached such a point in the cycle that it's gone out of control - and we use the label "paranoia" to describe this frightful state where we know our thoughts are irrational but we think them anyway - because through that cycle we've talked ourselves up to a point where those fears feel real, even if we know they aren't.

The root of it is your fear regarding what is plausible, regardless of whether it's likely or not. The fact that it's merely plausible you'll meet a guy and that he'll be a psycho weighed against the dread of what could happen in that situation frightens you so much that you distrust everyone you meet, and that vicious cycle happens leaving you in a state of paranoia. The brain can make that whole cycle spin out of control in the blink of an eye - remember, our brains work fast.

I won't tell you what to do about it, because honestly I'm stuck on that part as far as my paranoia goes. I just do my best to control my anxiety and with thought redirection techniques + Xanax I can keep my paranoia completely at bay nine days out of ten. As long as I don't start worrying about the bad thing that might happen, the hypervigilance stays away, and the cycle is broken. This might or might not help your situation but I hope I've at least given you some insight on how I think your paranoia is coming to be, before you invest all your hopes in some anti-psychotics that won't work and will suck out your soul.

Best wishes!

 

[Robby]

I agree I think the better word is hypervigilance but at times I think it borders on paranoia because sometimes I am just constantly worrying about nothing and wondering if someone is going to follow me or something. No idea why. I think some caution is a good thing in this scary world, but I just want to work on it not being irrational to the point of looking out the window several times at night and watching the drive way.

 

[Robby]

Yea I've never been on any anti psychotics and don't want go that route I am hoping to just change on my thinking patterns and trying to learn how to shift focus when the paranoid thoughts come up.