Overtalking

[Suzanne]

I just want to hide away for ever ( ok realistically, for a short time).

I had quit all communications from my siblings and it was painful at first, but I soon found the benefits outwayed the drama.

However, one sibling admitted to missing me ( what)? That can't happen! but did not have my phone number and my other siblings said she had my details and passed on to my brother and said: I am glad for you, if it goes well brother.

To me, out of the blue, my brother whatsapps me. The last communication was several year's ago and he only wanted to talk with my husband!

I get upset and ask him to please leave me alone and he comes back to say that he is not guilty of anything, but that was the end of the chat, because I felt too overwhelmed and within the space of a few seconds, my sister contacted me and a big message to say she misses me etc etc and I just blew and said some home truths and apparently, she got sensitive, but her man said that I had a point and thus, her eyes were opened and we went back to communicating on a different level and it was great.

My brother even, for the first time ever, came out on his own and spent a week with us and it was just amazing.

It was during that week, that somehow we got around to a conversation about my sister's boyfriend and how I had stopped texting ( all completely above board, ie texting in front of our respective partners. However, he astonished me, by saying that he thanks me for saving my siblings from past abuse and cannot get why they are still in contact with the mother who sided with her husband?!

So, we chatted once in a while and then, one time, I am chatting with my sister and she relates that they went out for a meal and he was praising me so much, that she got a little uncomfortable and even said: but, what about me? I am doing the best I can and no doubt, he was quick to agree. However, the next day, he apologised to her. So, with this knowledge, I decided to only talk to her man, through her. Now, she said she had no issue with us texting, but perhaps I am a bit more realistic and decided that no, I would not text with him again. He can text my husband and the reason is, because I would have felt mortified if on texting, he eventually admitted to feelings that were not right and I wanted to halt that.

Novmber the 5th arrives and chats are normal with my sister and then, by the evening, things took on a different meaning. No text messages and I got confused. Bearing in mind, that I live in a different country to them and the only way to communicate is via whatsapp, due to it being free!

Finally, yesterday, I get to find out that my brother had interpreted what I said that my sister's boyfriend was flirting with me and my sister decided that I was completely out of order and snubbed me!

My sister and brother and her man, all have come off whatsapp now and my brother claims he will phone me this morning, to explain everything.

Strangely, I am not angry with him. I do not believe he said it with bad intentions. No, I am angry with my sister, who has a whole scope of support on her side and once again, an issue comes up, involving me and she behaves as she has always done: snubs me!

She could have whatsapped me and asked what the heck I mean? But all I have got is a ton of bad vibes my way and cannot defend myself!

 

[Ginseng]

I am sorry you are going through this Suzanne. All I can do is stand by you (figuratively) and offer emotional support. Being misunderstood is painful and confusing.

It would be so much better if people would just believe the best about each other. Sometimes it is everything we can do to just put one foot in front of the other and it seems that everything we do requires a spoon. So much to do and so few spoons.

Even NT’s can fall into this category. Sounds like your sister may be dealing with confusion from her abuse issues. As messed up as we know we are, in some ways we may actually fair better than NT’s. Not sure what way that may be exactly. Maybe someone here can articulate it better. I have never been able to explain myself well. Certainly handling conflict is very poor on our list. Hope you find peace in all this chaos.

 

[BraidedPony]

I hate being misunderstood because I blame myself. And it seems that when I’m misunderstood the error is made on the side of being something negative on my part.
It’s especially painful when family assumes the worst about me. Don’t they know me well enough after 60 years that I don’t lie! I don’t steal, I don’t gossip or stir up drama like everyone else?
One thing I have learned(but don’t do really) is to talk directly to each person. Whenever someone I know tells someone else what I said, they get it wrong. Never fails. I’m reminding myself this while I type, talk directly to the person and that keeps misunderstandings to a minimum. Same thing when someone says so and so said such and such...don’t believe it until I hear it from them directly. This is what your sister should have done and gotten clarity from you before she shut you out in a snit.
Sorry you are having to deal with this.