Overcoming/ Managing Social Anxiety

[Loren]

@Fino has summed up my own strategies too, at least in items 3-7. I'm off anxiety meds now I've got some stability back in my day job and exercise is something I'm very limited on due to my mobility issues, although I do watch what I eat, but the rest of it reads like deja vu.


And the rest of it reads like deja Vu....


And the rest of it reads like deja Vu....


Not masking and pandering to the need to blend in helps a lot too btw, but that was a relatively recent discovery


Deja Vu.....

Thank you for sharing this, and I'm glad to know of the strides you've made!

I imagine not feeling the need to mask/ blend in, has been a relief! I think I have done the opposite of masking, whereby, I put extensive effort into preventing being miss-perceived, or perceived in any way, other than how I, genuinely, am. As you have done with masking, I am working toward letting go of this, as it has begun to take it's toll. Thank you, again, for your input, Quinn.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I experience the opposite for some reason. : ))

Meditation .
Diarising.

Breaking down anxiety into smaller pieces and labelling,recognising when those occasions arise again.
Lots more

Are you prepared to change the relationship between you and your thoughts?

 

[Loren]

Meditation .
Diarising.

Breaking down anxiety into smaller pieces and labelling,recognising when those occasions arise again.
Lots more

Are you prepared to change the relationship between you and your thoughts?

Yes, it is something I am constantly working on. Thank you very much for your suggestions!

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Yes, it is something I am constantly working on. Thank you very much for your suggestions!

By doing what?

 

[Thinx]

Thank you for sharing your experiences, tree! To answer your question, I have had some similar experiences to yours, in the past, although, I am not sure if those experiences had resulted in social anxiety, to a significant extent. I experienced social anxiety to a manageable degree, throughout most of my life, until a few years, ago, when a significant character assassination on me took place, that lead to the community I had been working in, to ostracize/shun me, and then, had an almost, identical experience, a couple years, later, of which seem to have impacted the way my brain/mind functions, and, I believe, has been the source of the more, extreme/ current experiences I am am having with social anxiety. I truly appreciate your input, and thank you for sharing the positive ways in which you look at things and view yourself, and for your encouraging words of wisdom!

I am so sorry this happened to you. I expect you know this is about the way the person who acted like this was feeling / thinking at the time, and not a fair or balanced comment on you. Sounds like they acted out, with upsetting and damaging effects on you. This was their choice of poor behaviour, not your fault. Other people then judged you unfairly, by the sound of it.

We are prone to be misunderstood because of our lack of, or patchy participation in social norms. They don't figure in our thinking much, and seem unreal and superficial. We focus on true values, and therefore it can be heart rending to be so attacked or misunderstood.

I got full on attacked in a therapeutic (!) group once, and about a year later the person most responsible contacted me to chat, and couldn't quite recall the event or understand that it was significant, despite it having led to me not returning to the group or any event relating to the people concerned. I think I d been quite kind to that person, and others in that group, but I guess that can open the way to an attack, because the person is maybe acting out their own stuff that relates to others, not me?

It may be worth revisiting those events to see that you were peripheral to whatever was going on for these critics.

 

[Progster]

In group settings, I, most often don't have the ability to join in a conversation, and, apart from going off on my own, I don't know what else to do, so I will leave.

Same here. If I go and do anything social with my partner (rare these days), he does all the socialising and I just sit there not talking and getting bored so it's all pointless as far as I'm concerned. I'm better off staying at home.

 

[Loren]

Same here. If I go and do anything social with my partner (rare these days), he does all the socialising and I just sit there not talking and getting bored so it's all pointless as far as I'm concerned. I'm better off staying at home.

Hi Progster. I haven't gotten to your post, as of yet, but thought I'd take this opportunity to mention that I intend to respond, and I appreciate your input.

Indeed, I have had the very same thought, on numerous occasions, and have done just that/stayed home, instead.

 

[Thinx]

Thank you for your empathetic words, and for wanting to help me me to understand, further. I am so sorry for what you have experienced, as well. It was, initially, a workplace predator/sociopath who targeted me, psychologically manipulated me for many months, then, when I realized what they were doing, I mentioned it to them, and that is what likely caused them to proceed with their character assassinations of me. As you, likely, know, since your are a psychologist, once this type of person becomes aware that you see what they have been doing to you, they try to protect the person they portray themselves as, by attempting to make the target out to be a bad, or crazy person, who nobody should believe, should the target attempt to expose their true nature.

When you say 'it might be worth revisiting the events, to see that I was peripheral to whatever was going on for the critics', what do you mean, if you don't mind me asking. Thank you.

This sounds awful for you. I meant, revisiting in your thoughts and therapy, to more fully detach from any blame or criticism you may have been subject to from this person or anyone else at the time. They sound an absolute nightmare, I m so sorry this happened to you. The person needs help, and is unlikely to get any as they are too oblivious to how they harm others.

 

[Loren]

This sounds awful for you. I meant, revisiting in your thoughts and therapy, to more fully detach from any blame or criticism you may have been subject to from this person or anyone else at the time. They sound an absolute nightmare, I m so sorry this happened to you. The person needs help, and is unlikely to get any as they are too oblivious to how they harm others.

Thank you for explaining what you meant, and for your kindness and compassion. I am doing much better at this juncture. I am continuing to work with a therapist, and hope to continue to recover, further. Thank you very much for speaking about it with me!

 

[Loren]

"combat"
"overcome"

Those are powerful words.
In my own case Loren, I'm not sure I'll ever lose anxiety for good

Just reduce it's impact in certain situations enabling me to carry out whatever it was I'm supposed to be doing.

I'm still (quietly) wary, afraid, overthinking throughout,
It simmers or smoulders in the background.
It's always there.

I'm just starting to trust myself to manage some thought patterns.
(And at the very least, not being so terrified of becoming overwhelmed, it happens. I don't like it, but it happens sometimes)

my thoughts being my 'drip feed' for my physical symptoms.
When I Interrupt and change some thoughts about myself and the situation I'm in,
I'm altering the chemical combination of my own, natural drip feed thus reducing intensity of physical effects of anxiety.
(not eradicating, just reducing. Enough to enable functioning again)

It's easier to write than to practice, and it does take practice

Thank you, Gracey, for sharing what you do! I believe it could be quite helpful to me. I suppose that, having experienced the positive effects that resulted from the amino acid I took, has given me cause to believe that I might be able to overcome, or cure my social anxiety. I do know, and accept that a cure could, very well, be impossible, and ridiculous to consider, but, that was what I had temporarily experienced, as the result of DLPA, and in turn, has fueled my hope. Thank you again, for your very encouraging suggestions!

 

[Loren]

If I feel I can't do something or overwhelmed because of anxiety, I try to find a way to make it 'feel ok' to do. For example. I don't want to visit a relative on my own, but if my partner is with me, or another family member, it feels ok or somehow 'acceptable' and I will do it. Or, I don't want to phone someone, but writing a text message will be ok.

I do the same. Particularly, with regard to unfamiliar situations, or when I am doing something for the first time - I, generally, ask my sister to accompany me, or guide me through. And, like you, if I don't feel as though I can speak face to face, or via phone, I will write an email, or text, instead, and I believe, in most situations, it is perfectly acceptable to do. Thank you, again!

 

[Loren]

Other people have good advice, I particularly like some of the strategies @Fino suggested. I'm plagued by social anxiety so I'm definitely not advising from the standpoint of someone who has cured themselves, but something I've found helps is actually being upfront with people and telling them I have social anxiety. It makes me feel less like they're going to judge me harshly if I can't do something or if I'm awkward. Whether or not they do, I don't know, but as long as I can think that, it helps my anxiety a little.

Hello, shysnail. Thank you for sharing what you have found to be helpful! I am sorry that you have been plagued with social anxiety! I shared the fact that I have social anxiety with the leader of a hiking group I joined, and she, immediately, took it upon herself to make me feel comfortable. It, indeed had been helpful, while acclimating. I stopped attending a couple weeks, ago, however, I am hoping to return, very soon. Knowing that she is aware of my anxiety, I'm sure, will be helpful in my efforts to re-immerse myself. Thank you, again! : )

 

[Loren]

I could be wrong, but my current stance is that I would advise not thinking of a "cure" as a possibility but looking at it the same as I assume most of us think of Autism and its other manifestations.

The goals are:
1. Reduction
2. Management
3. Understanding

But not "curing," I don't think, right now.

Thank you for your continued and abundant advice! In terms of 'Understanding', do you mean Understanding by the person with social anxiety, or by others?

Thank you very much!

 

[Creep]

I have been wondering what means others utilize in their efforts to manage social anxiety.

Thank you very much, in advance, for any words of wisdom or remedies you may have to share!

I have best results in limiting contact. I am an introvert though & feel drained by human interaction.

 

[Judge]

Perhaps utter indifference in my old age has contributed the best to that equation. Though for a number of years earlier in my life I did often depend on the use of beta blockers to help me with social anxiety. Beta blockers that later were taken off the market because they cause people irregular heartbeat issues.

These days I just don't give a damn, living in relative isolation doing my own thing.

 

[Loren]

I have best results in limiting contact. I am an introvert though & feel drained by human interaction.

I am the same, although, of late I have noticed that if I isolate myself for extended periods, I begin to feel somewhat, lonely, or blue, and I think in the long run, extensive solitude could, perhaps, have a significant impact on my mental well-being. Thank you for your input!

 

[Misery]

I unfortunately manage it by not managing it whatsoever.

The vast majority of the time, my mood is just awful, and in that state I usually couldnt care less. If it's REALLY awful, I'll get really abrasive and just tell everyone to go away.

Very rare that I'm in a decent enough mood to want to deal with anyone.

Though honestly I'm not too sure how much that even matters. I just find most people so... tedious. I cant remember the last time I met someone whose primary interests was anything other than politics and alcohol, and maybe sports. Seriously, that's all anyone seems capable of talking about. And then after they're done with that particular braincell assassination attempt, they just want to watch movies or some other mind-numbing activity that doesnt involve DOING anything.

And then on top of THAT, so many are very... well, non-accepting of anyone that doesnt fit their little box. Aside from the whole autism thing, I have gender issues, and am generally rather bizarre to begin with... people tend to not react well to any of that. I think quite a few people on this forum have experienced that one.

After so much of that, just.... bleh. I'd just rather not. I dont see the point. Why do that when I could just interact with my dog instead?

Maybe all of that though is some of the reasons why I come to this forum so much. Generally, I find that people on the spectrum really arent like, well, any of that. So that's good, I guess. It's too bad I dont know any in person though.

 

[Fino]

Thank you for your continued and abundant advice! In terms of 'Understanding', do you mean Understanding by the person with social anxiety, or by others?

Thank you very much!

Although I did reference the understanding of others in the previous post, in this case I meant the person with the anxiety understanding their own anxiety, such as recognizing its appearance, what causes it, what alleviates it, etc.

I wouldn't ever dare to place my own well-being in the hands of the general population and their ability or willingness to understand, or to do or not do something I believe should or should not be done.

Sorry for the confusing sentence at the end! Thank you for the question!

 

[Loren]

Although I did reference the understanding of others in the previous post, in this case I meant the person with the anxiety understanding their own anxiety, such as recognizing its appearance, what causes it, what alleviates it, etc.

I wouldn't ever dare to place my own well-being in the hands of the general population and their ability or willingness to understand, or to do or not do something I believe should or should not be done.

Sorry for the confusing sentence at the end! Thank you for the question!

I'm sorry, I don't understand, but, I very much appreciate you taking the time to answer. Thank you!

 

[Fino]

I'm sorry, I don't understand, but, I very much appreciate you taking the time to answer. Thank you!

I over-complicated two simple points:

1. Understanding our own anxiety.
2. Learning to be happy without expecting the understanding of the general population.

I hope that makes more sense!