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Opinions

Couchpotato

Couchpotato

New Member
My boyfriend who doesn’t know I’m autistic is trying to fit in and he makes some autistic jokes from time to time and I dont know how to tell him that I’m autistic thoughts
For some description he’s shy and awkward and is just trying to fit in with everyone else and he doesn’t direct them at anyone and if it is directed he stops and apologises
 
Might be a good time to tell him, honestly. For those of us who don't mind the jokes, a little, "We can still joke about it" can always make the other party feel like they don't have to conform to any expectations or change their style of humor.

Personally, I find the jokes (even if they're aimed at me) to still be funny in the right company, so it all depends on the person. Some people obviously don't, but laying out demands can sometimes strain interpersonal relationships.
 
I know some of us are really self-conscious and haven't gotten there with accepting themselves. However, for those that have, and can have some humility and humor about themselves, light-hearted humor might be good.

I only get irritated with false stereotypes and derogatory statements, then I will give you "the business".

Your life partner needs to know these things, for better or worse. He's liked and accepted you so far, and this may be the introduction to the conversation, and your autism, in no way, affects that.

I wasn't diagnosed until 30 years into my marriage. I was relieved and happy for the diagnosis, but my wife couldn't wrap it around her brain for over a year. It had to settle in. For her, it was never an epiphany, an "Ah ha, that makes sense." sort of thought. She had to take the time to learn on her own what autism was, versus the stereotypes we both grew up with.

I think the public has a good understanding of what autism may present like in the severely affected small child, but the media doesn't focus upon how it may present in a teenager, an adult, or an elderly person, especially if they also have a higher intellect and executive functioning. It gets passed off as "something else" and autism isn't on their radar.
 
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You said that he is "shy and awkward . " Is it possible that he is autistic as well and is making the jokes because he is uneasy about his own condition being suspected?
 
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This is another reason I don't like being already diagnosed. I feel that if you have a diagnosis then you have an obligation to tell your partner otherwise you'll be "deceiving" him. If you're undiagnosed it doesn't really matter either way if you tell him or not, even if you're sure you have it.
 
Couchpotato said:
My boyfriend who doesn’t know I’m autistic is trying to fit in and he makes some autistic jokes from time to time and I dont know how to tell him that I’m autistic thoughts
For some description he’s shy and awkward and is just trying to fit in with everyone else and he doesn’t direct them at anyone and if it is directed he stops and apologises
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It's possible this is just his awkward way of attempting to determine if you are in fact autistic. Suspicions that could very well reflect that he is autistic as well.
 
Misty Avich said:
This is another reason I don't like being already diagnosed. I feel that if you have a diagnosis then you have an obligation to tell your partner otherwise you'll be "deceiving" him. If you're undiagnosed it doesn't really matter either way if you tell him or not, even if you're sure you have it.
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On the other hand, you might be subject to an unflattering "moral diagnosis" from the people around you if they cannot put your behaviors and personality within the proper context.
 
Neonatal RRT said:
On the other hand, you might be subject to an unflattering "moral diagnosis" from the people around you if they cannot put your behaviors and personality within the proper context.
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I get called annoying, nervous and stupid, but that's probably because I am anyway. I'd rather be assumed of terms that are more familiar to the general population than be seen as someone who shares a spectrum with all these recent school shooters and mass stabbings.
Not my words, just saying that these killers do give autism a bad name.
 
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Sometimes the best choice is a quiet explanation, while in private, about polite manners.

Whether one says "I'm autistic" before, after, or ever is a personal choice, separate from saying "Some people who you don't know are autistic would find what you've said hurtful."
 
Wait, NTs can hurt people without realising? I thought NTs had built-in empathy that allows them to naturally understand everyone's feelings on the planet without having to think twice about it or be told.

Not that I believe that but I read it enough times.
 
Misty Avich said:
Wait, NTs can hurt people without realising? I thought NTs had built-in empathy that allows them to naturally understand everyone's feelings on the planet without having to think twice about it or be told.

Not that I believe that but I read it enough times.
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Creating exclusionary "in groups" by mocking those considered "outsiders" is, unfortunately, a pretty standard social group thing.
 
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