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Online vs offline socializing

Owliet

The Hidden One.
V.I.P Member
Yes, the whole thing can be awkward at times.
Or it makes others angry with me.=(

I do think that a lot of NTs think that they are superior in communication compared to any ASD people that they know. It helps them get away with extremely bad miscommunication behaviors because they do the gaslighting thing. Or at least, in my experience that this happens.
 

Misery

Photo-Negative
V.I.P Member
Ya know, it occurs to me that communication can take unexpected forms sometimes.

Just as an example, I've mentioned before that I am really into board games. Specifically, I play solo games. Either games designed specifically for solo, or co-op games where I simply multi-hand it. It's been a good hobby for me, there's a lot of strategizing and pondering and holy heck is there a lot of dice rolling (seriously I have... so many dice) and also me managing to drop cards or pieces on the floor, and there's a lovely tactile element to it as well.

But there's plenty of times when someone hears about this and is very confused, and they're like, "but why would you do that? The whole point of board games is to play them with others, regardless of which type of game it is. Strategizing is nice but it only works with friends!", and this always struck me as not being quite right. Something was missing.

And then I read a post on BoardGameGeek where this guy mentioned this, and had a unique point to make. He said, well, there absolutely IS a socializing and interaction element with solo board gaming... it's just maybe not so apparent. You come to this site and maybe share tactics, ask rules questions, look for advice on how to beat some boss or some challenge, write reviews, talk about other aspects... you do these things and you interact with other players in this way. Maybe you even join some competitions around games that have a scoring aspect (I did that once, I won a big playmat themed around my favorite game and a unique promo card, it was great). You do these things, and you arent just playing solo anymore, not really. You're playing with the community, maybe making friends, and generally being part of it all.

And that was a very good point... it's a strange sort of interaction around a given game, but it definitely is there for those that want it, yet it is often not quite recognized for what it is. A type of communication that is easily missed despite often being a major aspect.

I dunno, that just occurred to me when reading through this topic here.


At cons:

1. the fandom
2. Complimenting cosplays/photographs

Dont forget how freaking weird some people can get, too. I'd say that's #3, the funky stuff. Like that time this big guy just asked if he could get a picture of him with me... while doing a "princess carry". Yes, this actually happened. Naturally my friend was there at the time to witness this because of course he was. I was also totally blasted on caffeine, so I figured, sure, why not, just hoping he could actually do it without dropping me. One of the stranger interactions I've had at a con, but not the strangest, though I've trouble remembering many of them since I've been to so many cons.

Also, #4, the hugs. Always with the hugs. I typically just would always say "okay" and roll with it since I try too hard to be polite all the time.

What type of energy do you feed off?

I keep wondering what the heck this means.
 

Owliet

The Hidden One.
V.I.P Member
Just as an example, I've mentioned before that I am really into board games. Specifically, I play solo games. Either games designed specifically for solo, or co-op games where I simply multi-hand it. It's been a good hobby for me, there's a lot of strategizing and pondering and holy heck is there a lot of dice rolling (seriously I have... so many dice) and also me managing to drop cards or pieces on the floor, and there's a lovely tactile element to it as well.
I should do that with som of mine otherwise i will never play them….
Dont forget how freaking weird some people can get, too. I'd say that's #3, the funky stuff. Like that time this big guy just asked if he could get a picture of him with me... while doing a "princess carry". Yes, this actually happened.
Yes, thats true. Don’t really have much of i here or at least not as noticeable but there are some really strange interactions with people. I once had someone come up to me when I was Sylvanas from WoW. This was after the tree had been burned down. He was not pretending — he really was quite serious when he said that he hopes I burn like the tree. Then again, that whole con experience was not great in 2019, glad I trashed the cosplay afterwards.
Also, #4, the hugs. Always with the hugs. I typically just would always say "okay" and roll with it since I try too hard to be polite all the time.
Free hugs are something that I always so no to. I dont do hugs really, and being forced into a hug is horrible.
 

Forest Cat

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I once had someone come up to me when I was Sylvanas from WoW. This was after the tree had been burned down. He was not pretending — he really was quite serious when he said that he hopes I burn like the tree.

What? That's super weird, who does such a thing. :openmouth:
 

Misery

Photo-Negative
V.I.P Member
What? That's super weird, who does such a thing. :openmouth:

People at conventions are often hopped up on a combination of major sleep deprivation, caffeine, and also alcohol in many cases. Often also very overstimulated (cons are VERY loud and chaotic and colorful) and there can be a lot of physical exertion.

People get really bloody odd when all those combine, particularly if they keep pushing themselves anyway (this is also why people frequently get sick after being at one, immune system aint exactly firing on all cylinders with that happening). It's always important to be cautious when at one in case someone gets a bit too loopy.
 

Owliet

The Hidden One.
V.I.P Member
What? That's super weird, who does such a thing. :openmouth:
Apparently he was very weird anyway, so after the initial “?????” moment, it was then explained to me that he was quite Weird and did that type of thing a lot. I dont think I’ve seen him since but I wasn’t upset at the time after the “?” its just one of those weird things that people do. Same with the unwanted physical contact that happens. Like @Misery said, there are a lot of things in Combination that make this type of thing happen. I’ve seen people when they approach the cosplayer thinking that they are the character And become a bit too much into that. Especially if they really love the character. I’ve seen people completely go over the top with their interactions because the social normals are usually thrown out the window. Which is okay for the most part but I think people need to also need to be aware of their situations. I’ve heard some really scary things from international cons (USA ones Particularly) when there‘s a lot of sexual assaults happening to both men and women in cosplay because the person responsible gets carried away. It doesn’t really happen here to make it a big deal but things can still happen.
 

Misery

Photo-Negative
V.I.P Member
I’ve heard some really scary things from international cons (USA ones Particularly) when there‘s a lot of sexual assaults happening to both men and women in cosplay because the person responsible gets carried away.

Yeah, this was always a bit of an issue. With my own cosplays I was almost always in "girl mode", and that often meant problems. Was groped a number of times, which is every bit as irritating as it sounds. Particularly for someone who isnt particularly fond of physical interactions. There wasnt really anything that could be done about it either. It was usually a quick grab and then off they went at high speed, telling security about someone who was long gone wouldnt accomplish a bloody thing.

Those are more minor things of course, I'd never heard of any major sexual assault occurrences at any of the cons I personally went to, fortunately. Not that there werent other problems of course. Injuries of all sorts, and in one spectacularly stupid case, an elevator crash of some sort, I'll never forget THAT one, remember it like it was yesterday.

I wasnt near the elevator when it happened, but I WAS near the results of it afterwards (paramedics, gurneys with injured people on them, and so on, it was a mess) and I've had a minor phobia of elevators ever since. Wont touch the horrid things if stairs are available. Unless it's like 15 floors up or something, impatience for how long it takes to walk that many flights trumps phobias sometimes. Usually. Not always.

"The Purple Hotel" in Lincolnwood, Illinois, that place had a reputation (which was absolutely deserved, I can say from experience) and a history to it. Not that we knew that going in. Lots of health/safety violations and things coming apart at the seams, worst hotel I was ever at. Also some mobster was gunned down there in the 80s, so that's a thing that apparently happened. It was eventually demolished. Nobody missed it. And boy are the remaining photos of it surreal to see, was just looking at those a moment ago.

And I tell ya, when a hotel has safety issues or things of that nature, it takes any convention problems... like bad behavior... and just exacerbates it. Now those sleep-deprived, caffeinated loopy people are also really irritable from whatever problems the hotel might have given them. The dumber the hotel, the more likely it was to have some sort of incident happen for that reason. Though none of the others I've been to were anywhere near as bad as that one.

Though almost all of them had broken AC units for some reason. I tell ya, a hotel experience for me just aint quite right if the AC isnt busted. I'm so used to that now.

I’ve seen people when they approach the cosplayer thinking that they are the character And become a bit too much into that. Especially if they really love the character.

Yes this was always annoying. There were also those cosplayers who tried too hard to act like Deadpool- er, I mean, whoever they were cosplaying as, and THAT got irritating too.

I can understand that to an extent, as long as it's toned down, though it was never something I did personally. I would let the mask drop and that's as far as I ever went.
 

Au Naturel

Au Naturel
Considering I dont have offline friendships, I would probably argue that any friendships I could consider is from this forum. I often dont have to worry (too much) that people on here dont get me, that we can talk about interests and have intelligent, insightful conversations and debates. Any form of miscommunication can quickly be “fixed” also. Any support needed, is always reassuring and helpful. Yeah, really glad that I’m on here.

It’s interesting that you prefer socializing offline and that you get something out of the interactions. What type of energy do you feed off? Does it not burn you out or have you found ways to adapt to it?

I enjoy reading any insights you have Shamar.=)

I’d argue that theres a form of socializing online. Commenting, discussing, taking part in the games (I dont really do that), responding. Its minimal but its still a form.

I do agree with you That personal contact is also important. I have noticed that the longer i go without practice with people out in the wild, the more i revert back and really makes it difficult to gain confidence in any interactions. That said, I do prefer online but I do know the importance of interacting offline. Just wish that it was much easier. =(

Why would it make you feel fake?

I had a bad experience once when I was a teenager and had ended up with an online stalker who also took my personal contact details like my haus number and my dad’s work email. He also found the plans for my apartment layout. I was so happy when he was arrested for another instance with another girl but it really made me aware of the dangers too. I definitely would never meet up with a person unless i had been talking with them for a while and if i met in a public place — people do internet dating and this seems like the safest way.

Yes, fully agree. I read over many times before response. I take my time. Cant really do that in an active conversation.

I think it’s where You go to meet people but similar specific points here.
My work colleagues always talked about:
4. Family.
5.next holiday

Compared to them I felt immature. I dont really like going on holiday and I dont have children. So talking about any of the other subjects was difficult.

At cons:

1. the fandom
2. Complimenting cosplays/photographs

Bit easier since they’re specific things but it is often on a surface level. It’s really rare to have depth in any of the conversations here. 2. Especially seems to be “oh thank you, buy my print”. =(



It’s really interesting how there is a need for making small talk and how there are people who dont seem to understand how trivial and surface level it actually is. It’s not formal. It’s not polite. It’s just pointless. Like you have to fill in a gap in conversation because there is nothing really to say When there could be other deeper, meaningful conversational topics to discuss.

I pretty much feel like I am a cat. I do have stronger links with my cats than anything else. And when strangers come, we all hide in my room. =)
And then there's my avatar. I could never dress like that at some random social event.
 

Au Naturel

Au Naturel
It's possible to not be autistic and yet miscommunicate, misunderstand or misread people and get it wrong. Some people are bad at explaining. I had a conversation with my NT sister about this, who has a job where an ability to read people is quite useful and important, but even she gets it wrong sometimes. People have different communication styles, or don't pick up on things, or assume that you know something, or lack 'theory of mind'. Not just autistic people, people in general. Anyway, the point I'm making is that miscommunications between autistic people and NTs are not always the autistic person's fault. Sometimes it's not anybody's fault.
My opinion is that it is rarely anyone's "fault." People are doing what they can with what they have. The blame game is futile.

Maybe there's an exception if one person misinterprets something and doesn't care what the other person actually said. Kind of not caring that there's a traffic light at an intersection and driving through without bothering to check it.
 

Stuttermabolur

A psychologist said so
V.I.P Member
Though I'll admit I also dont understand the whole emoticon thing. You'd think I would, I've been on the net since the start and it's not like smileys werent ever a thing back then, because they were, but regardless I just dont get it. Like, I think I poked the button on this site exactly one time and I've no idea why I did that. I'm not even 100% sure that I did it at all, I just have this really vague memory of having done so.
For me, the reason I use the emoticons is to say "I agree", or "you taught me something new" without sending a boring message. However, I realize that not everyone has that need and completely understand people staying away. I have it as a policy never to like YouTube or most other social media comments. I'm not even sure why. I suspect it's mostly that I don't want others to know what I like or don't like, or have expectations that I'll behave a certain way.

The fact that anyone is even paying enough attention to the things to track anything at all is kinda baffling to me. One of those things that's just gonna always go over my head, I think.
While I don't track things like @Atrapa Almas does, I definitely understand the longing. The forum feels like a fixation to me, and I am very interested in the interaction between members, the forum's history and the different personalities on here. I'm not granular about it, but I do take note of which members sometimes, often or never give reactions, and keep arguments, disagreements and connections between members in mind when I encounter them on the forum.

It's not the first place I do this in, though it's more rewarding to me here than in both other online spaces. In the former, it was way too large and limited, so people would come and go to the point it was difficult to see connections between people, and in the latter it was too small and most people already knew each other well so there wasn't as much "discovery" going on as here. I am fascinated by humans and relationships, so being interested in the forum fits my "profile". I've probably read over 80% of the non-Forum game messages for the last months (if not more) even when the topic doesn't particularly interest me, just to learn more about the members.

As mentioned in this thread, I also just really like reading and feel uncomfortable about missing any information, so that's almost certainly a part of it.
 
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Rodafina

Hopefully Human
V.I.P Member
For me, the reason I use the emoticons is to say "I agree", or "you taught me something new" without sending a boring message. However, I realize that not everyone has that need and completely understand people staying away. I have it as a policy never to like YouTube or most other social media comments. I'm not even sure why. I suspect it's mostly that I don't want others to know what I like or don't like, or have expectations that I'll behave a certain way.

I am the same way.

I enjoy the reaction emojis here because it’s something I’ve never used before (not a part of any other social internet places). But it’s a nice way to be able to acknowledge somebody’s post without always having to say something. I think my favorite one is simply informative, just because it is true that I learned so much here… Whether it is about mental health stuff, autism stuff, personal stuff, creativity,… So many things.

I get why people may not want to use them, but I think that in itself is interesting. We are each different and even our choices of reaction emojis and how often to use them or not is all indicative of the ways that we think and communicate. Interesting and fascinating to me.
 

VictorR

Random Member
V.I.P Member
On the topic of the reactions here, I have to say that I'm used to how I use them here (e.g. the pink-heart "friendly" generally to denote sympathy, or less commonly, as a "whoa, easy there") that when I'm elsewhere (e.g. work) I've sometimes have to check myself - if someone posts something sad, I click on the red heart by instinct, then realized that there, it's just labelled as "heart" and is usually treated as a form of "like" and so quickly undid that and clicked on the "crying" instead.

On Discord, I like using the purple heart to express sympathy.
 

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