On suicide..

[BrokenBoy]

I've tried to kill myself multiple times but I've stopped from actually doing it because I fear death. I've always have since the very beginning of my life.

I don't know how I feel about religion. I don't know which "side" I should join. I don't want to kill myself because I fear the idea of "oblivion" and nonexistence. The idea of "being asleep" forever without dreaming (Or how else someone might describe it) fears more than anything else. I want to die, but I want to exist too. Call me wishy washy because I am. Whenever someone talks about why they choose to live it's always something like family and responsibility but I simply have little to no connection with anything in the world. It's selfish, I know, but I feel kinda alone and left out that apparently no one else I know has the same motivation as me for not choosing to die.

Does anyone here feel the same way?

 

[Pip Schulze]

I feel you.
I've attempted to take my life, but at crunch time, feared death. Even with the mindset that my energy is released into the world and I'll become something else.
Suicide is not the answer to anything I'm afraid, it may me a permanent solution but it will never be the right one.
Even if you don't feel it or no one appreciates it, you have so much value, you just may not have found it yet. Things are so hard and I get that, your tired and that's totally understandable but sometimes persevering is all you can do. However you persevere is a win, even if it's laying in your bed doing nothing. Take your unwillingness to die as your fight, that's natural human instinct. Hold on to that, feel proud about it. You may be wishy washy and thats ok, if you hold on long enough, soon you'll just be wishy and eventually you will start to wish. Your wishes will become your goals and eventually you can look back proudly at yourself and how you got over that hurdle.
I'm sorry that you are going through this but I promise that if you make if through, you will be stronger. It may sound like a cliche but it is true.

 

[Mia]

Whenever someone talks about why they choose to live it's always something like family and responsibility but I simply have little to no connection with anything in the world.

You have a connection here with this site, or you would not be posting. You have a connection with the games you play online.

I would miss eating peanut butter toast and the pleasure of coffee for breakfast. I would miss reading, movies, music. I would miss my cats, and the woods, animals, insects, birds, the river, the sun. All of us find happiness in something that we enjoy. Maybe you don't realize that at this very moment, but eventually you will.

 

[Wolfnox]

How about warm sunshine. Soft breezes and beautiful skies.

 

[Thinx]

I'm not religious, but I think there's so much simple stuff that's amazing, I will always stick around just to keep on seeing the skies, the trees, people I care about or who are interesting, my cat, beaches, films and books, all sorts... chocolate of course... why miss it, it's not always great and sometimes it's rubbish, but it's a mystery we got a chance to be part of.

 

[Alexej]

Somebody has said that suicide is a long term answer to a short term problem.

 

[Storm Hess]

I've tried to kill myself multiple times but I've stopped from actually doing it because I fear death. I've always have since the very beginning of my life.

I don't know how I feel about religion. I don't know which "side" I should join. I don't want to kill myself because I fear the idea of "oblivion" and nonexistence. The idea of "being asleep" forever without dreaming (Or how else someone might describe it) fears more than anything else. I want to die, but I want to exist too. Call me wishy washy because I am. Whenever someone talks about why they choose to live it's always something like family and responsibility but I simply have little to no connection with anything in the world. It's selfish, I know, but I feel kinda alone and left out that apparently no one else I know has the same motivation as me for not choosing to die.

Does anyone here feel the same way?

Then allow your dreams to have life. Express them. Allow that to be a goal that drives you.

When I feel this way, I try to get out of my own head and focus on creation...art, clothing, music, writing...anything that involves the creative process. Even cooking. It's difficult sometimes, but I do my best.

I found that, for me, exercise works wonders. Six to seven days a week of pure exercise madness tends to keep me in the right mental state. But again, it works for me.

 

[Aspychata]

For me its like you gave in and the universe won. Don't give in- be stuborn . I am competitive, l need to win this battle, we need to fight in life, only then you realize you are alive. Broken Boy - don't give in.

 

[Fact Ten]

If you'll allow me to condense your original post: You want to die... but you also fear death and, furthermore, you want to exist.

That seems like you don't want to die. You just want to exist in a way that causes you less anguish. Is that a fair assessment?

 

[BrokenBoy]

If you'll allow me to condense your original post: You want to die... but you also fear death and, furthermore, you want to exist.

That seems like you don't want to die. You just want to exist in a way that causes you less anguish. Is that a fair assessment?

Yes.

 

[AngelaS267]

I understand. I don't like to ponder on death for too long either. It's normal to be uneasy about things we don't have direct answers for. Human beings fear things they can't understand. For religion, the answer that's right for you will come in time. I stopped being religious when I was in high school because it didn't make sense to me personally. I felt wrong because I'd grown up baptist all my young life, but now it's like nothing to me. I went through a deep depression in 2018. I watched a youtuber named Teal Swan, and she really helped me a lot. Very to the point, and she helped me to process a lot of my trauma and negative thoughts. If I were you, I'd make plans for when you're 18 to speak to a psychiatrist. Again, easier said than done, but it would be good to try and get help from a professional. I'm realizing a little while later that that's something I myself need to do. Just hang in there.

 

[Voltaic]

death is only a friend from a distance.

 

[Aspychata]

death is only a friend from a distance.

Very haunting- who said this?

 

[Aspychata]

Death and taxes, these are the only things you can depend on in life, the rest is up to you.

 

[Gracey]

maybe it isn't that you don't want to live,

maybe it's you don't want to live, like this?

I'm guessing you'll have a long list of things you're not happy about and things you don't want,

Write down two things you DO want.

 

[ShwiftyKat]

Hi there! How is your day today starting out so far?

Just wanted to send over a few links you might find helpful. Would love to hear your thoughts and take on this.

Watch this one first:

he has others on his website too: Facebook Live Videos

Commonly When the dark thoughts have their way w me, I'm always at a constant debate in my head about religion. Typically yoga ( I only do Denise Austin Yoga Body Burn at home) helps and just believing in the/(selfishly my) 'universe' tended to be enough until all of a sudden it wasn't. I felt lost and my purpose in life was dwindling fast, especially after having a miscarriage and feeling like my natural maternal instinct will never be fufilled. I always thought my main purpose in life was to be an excellent mother. Ok, so now what? I'm terrified of having that happen again. Paired w other issues, the need to know why humans exist was overwhelmingly taking over my mind and I began obsessing over it and couldn't understand why we just "aren't allowed to know". Obsessive research for days and A few Zecharia Sitchin books later my mind was like, well which is it!?! Aliens or God or both? Ugh! And yeah, still though the thought of living in a constant nightmare, something like that demon underworld scene out of the movie Constantine is where it feels like one would end up by suicide. Its not that i wanted to die, I just didn't want to exist. If there really is a heaven,I'm like dude, just switch my soul out already w someone else who wants to be here living this messed up game of earthlife.

Ok so to my point about the link I sent, this guy finally made some sense out of everything for me. I felt so good, pressure finally came off. And its not for everyone, but i love this new way of thinking. Not sure if id be here writing this to you today if it werent for this guy...im finding that no matter how ridiculous it may sound or be to other people, you kinda gotta have something to believe in, 100% all in. I know your angel or spirit guide ( or whatever you wish to call it) is with you, now more than ever and i know it doesn't feel like it. And you might be like really!? An angel is Just sitting around watching me be in anguish,huh? There's more to it, and If you dont care for the videos its okay-- also excited to see what you think if you do. I send virtual hugs your way. Keep in touch.

 

[Voltaic]

A figure stands on the horizon. You may not see him, but if you look he will be there. The figure, looming, scares most, but his black drapes are deep and ethereal, with only sight you can feel the smooth black silk. Each day passes, and there he remains. But as years pass, through the smoke of a cigarette, you can see him move closer. He is no friend, but with lack of distance he holds out a hand in invitation.
Your friends now mend into the crowds of people. Surrounded by busy souls, you feel more alone than when you are alone. Yet there the figure remains. His arm outstretched. You turn away resisting even the idea, but stair into the bright sun. This day has lasted too long, your skin, eyes burn from the heat. You find yourself facing the only friend you have left. The figure on the horizon.
Deep inside you know dark is not right. Yet, you start your journey towards the only friend you have left. The road leading to the figure is soft warm grass on your bare feet, luxuries each step of the way. As you look back the sun grows dimer and faint. You start to feel cold.
The warm grass gives way to glass. smooth and polished, cold as ice. under your feet you stare 6 feet down. You look back at the sun, now only a dot in the sky and question if you can ever return to warmth's embrace. Yet, you remain walking to your only friend. The friend on the horizon.
A voice calls, telling you that you are close, that dark is right. Deep down you know it is lies, but smooth crystal glass gives way to cracks and shards. For so long you have walked this road. You believe the lies, only because you think the journey back is harder, and through the cold you persist onwards
The figure on the horizon, looms closer. He is no man, except a mountain in the distance growing larger, and further each step of the way. You were fooled to how long this journey was, and now. you are lost, on a road of glass shards.
cut feet and tired legs give way to let your body fall. You dare not get up. rolling on your back you look to the sky to see overcast, painted with yellow light. No stars are out tonight.
the figure stands over you. The outstretched arm, cloaked in black silk. You reach to grab his arm, only to see now. His hand is rotting, maggots borrow in and out of the hand, it is this moment you realize. You should have walked to the sun.
the figure takes you, picks you up to fall downwards through the glass road. The cloak comes off, and the expanse of his eyes take you. You see the void, and now you are inside.





...What they say about your life flashing before your eyes is true. But, what they get wrong, is your life is the flash before the void. 13.8 billion years you were dead, and for a tenths of a millionth of that time, you are allowed to be alive on this plane we exist in. Death finds everyone, and for the remainder of the full expanse of time, we shall be how we were before we got here. This is the flash before your eyes.

 

[Gift2humanity]

I've tried to kill myself multiple times but I've stopped from actually doing it because I fear death. I've always have since the very beginning of my life.

I don't know how I feel about religion. I don't know which "side" I should join. I don't want to kill myself because I fear the idea of "oblivion" and nonexistence. The idea of "being asleep" forever without dreaming (Or how else someone might describe it) fears more than anything else. I want to die, but I want to exist too. Call me wishy washy because I am. Whenever someone talks about why they choose to live it's always something like family and responsibility but I simply have little to no connection with anything in the world. It's selfish, I know, but I feel kinda alone and left out that apparently no one else I know has the same motivation as me for not choosing to die.

Does anyone here feel the same way?

Don't be hard on yourself.
We are spirits in a material world, as Sting truly sang.
If we commit sucide we are throwing life back in the creator's face and for that we will pay a heavy karmic debt, we will be disembodied souls roaming the earth for a very long time, seeing and perceiving all that is around us, with the same cravings and desires we had with a body. Being disembodied, we will not be heard by the people we will crave to communicate with. If you listen to people who have failed in their suicide attempts you will see that the vast majority are glad they failed.
Please find your bliss, follow your bliss, do whatever you enjoy, forget if you are good at it or not, whatever gives you joy you will become good at, and you will become fulfilled, and face the light.

 

[UberScout]

 

[Aspychata]

I can't say much that all these great posters have said. But sucide is one route, but is it the route that we should take? It seems like we should fight, don't let anyone push you down, fight for your right to be here. We fight every day, l say stay here. Prove everybody wrong. Don't give in. Refuse to lay down. Piss the world off, stay here. We say unite, stay alive!!