offensive quetions

[Voltaic]

do you find that people get offended over questions that are inherantly not offensive? it seems that there is a line that one can not cross. this line can be deffined by how personal the question is, or how it makes the other person feel, but as it is relative, the line is blurred from person to person.

i am a naturally currious person. i want to know as much information as possible to set myself up in a senario where that information may be needed, most of the times the information being presented at hand is usefull right then and there. problem is, i dont know what will trigger an emotional reaction from others. the range of things people can be offended about seems to be endless, as well as the reasoning people may get offended by the question.

as i learn more and more about the differences between me and everyone else, it seems that it isnt just my problems playing the hand. it gives me joy to think it is not all my fault, but sadness to know that i cant change the world and its faults.

honestly. what type of questions do you get offended by? or what types of questions do you see others being unrightly offended from?

 

[Streetwise]

it depends how close your relationship is to the person ,saying that I've given up , it's not the question it's the tone ,don't ask them anything about their personal appearance!

 

[Gracey]

I try not to ask questions,
Unless I think the person knows me well enough to know it’s just me being me.
In real time anyway.

An exception to that is watching someone light up over a particular interest or topic.

If We have time to kill I’ll throw in the odd question to keep them talking about their subject.
Takes the focus off me to answer questions.
And People like talking about themselves, generally.

 

[the_tortoise]

honestly. what type of questions do you get offended by?

The sarcastic kind that aren't really questions, and deliberately imply that I am stupid or bad or something like that.

Otherwise I can't think of any that offend me.

Some might make me uncomfortable -- like they are too personal and I would rather not answer them-- and some annoy or confuse me, but all of those things are different from being offended.

 

[Catana]

It isn't just questions. It can be the answers to questions, or a comment about someone's statements. And people not only take offense, they see it where it doesn't exist in other people's responses.

 

[Bolletje]

I mostly get offended by dumb questions, sexist questions and assumptions.
When people ask me questions that are too personal I don’t automatically get offended, unless they’re outright mean, overtly sexual or rude.

 

[Progster]

I get offended by strangers asking me questions that are none of their business, such as 'why do you look so miserable? or 'why don't you smile?' I find that rude. They don't know me; they no nothing about me, so who are they to judge? Or sometimes, they ask, 'what are you?' when actually they mean to ask about my country of origin, because I'm a foreigner. This question is rude and thoughtless, and I answer with 'I'm a person, what are you? Also, I don't like sexist, racist or questions of a sexual nature, especially not from strangers.

 

[Thinx]

I'm wondering if it's NT people who you are finding get offended? Or is it everyone? I am very rarely offended or embarrassed including around sex topics as I have done some training in that area as part of my counselling training which helped me be more matter of fact about it.

I ask a lot of questions but mostly only in my work capacity and I think it's important to situate your questions as to where you are going with it or why you may want to ask it. These days if we are generally curious about something we can Google it, so I think you may be meaning questions that relate to the individual person you are speaking with?

You mostly need to know the person reasonably well before asking personal questions, unless you're employed to work with them, like a doctor or teacher maybe, and even then youd need a valid reason for asking. You can introduce your questions with phrases like, I hope you don't mind if I ask, and please say if this is too personal, but .... (ask question).

 

[Mary Anne]

I'm wondering if it's NT people who you are finding get offended? Or is it everyone? I am very rarely offended or embarrassed including around sex topics as I have done some training in that area as part of my counselling training which helped me be more matter of fact about it.

I ask a lot of questions but mostly only in my work capacity and I think it's important to situate your questions as to where you are going with it or why you may want to ask it. These days if we are generally curious about something we can Google it, so I think you may be meaning questions that relate to the individual person you are speaking with?

You mostly need to know the person reasonably well before asking personal questions, unless you're employed to work with them, like a doctor or teacher maybe, and even then youd need a valid reason for asking. You can introduce your questions with phrases like, I hope you don't mind if I ask, and please say if this is too personal, but .... (ask question).

It’s probably an aspie thing. You, know NT folks learn early about social boundaries, and how to behave. Social skill sets are our downfall. Just keep on trying to be you!

 

[Ang]

Sometimes someone is not actually offended, and you may just be perceiving that way. Sometimes people are not so much offended, but naturally annoyed or tired by a specific question, and your behavior modification would not have made a difference. Sometimes there are offensive questions though, which are known not to be able to be asked by part of the written, or unwritten rules. Those questions, for example, are the ones like : how old are you.. what race are you.. whats your nationality..whats your political affiliation. I was urked on election night when my co worker immediatly assumed that I shouldhave felt one way about the results. That crossed the line and I had to get in her face as she did mine. She wound up backing down.. dont ask any politically incorrect , or social hot button issue. An obvious example would be not asking a gay person if they had aids. That would be a political assumtion.

Ive never had a problem with understanding those unwritten rules, but as I grew there were some other things about questions and speech , which I had previously done wrong and had not known. This was context, I would frequently ask or say things out of context. I think this is what gets many with aspergers in trouble.

As I try to mention in my posts, I do not know if I have aspergers, but have very similar social issues, that is for sure.

It wasnt until I was about 18 that I realized that there was always a right and wrong time to say things. An example wouldbe dont bring up an episode of the show you and a coworker love to talk about, when the co worker is on some serious business. They may love to talk about it with you when it *naturaly comes up at lunch, but dont bother them with irrelevant crap when they are working.

Sometimes people arent really offended by a question, rather the context and when its being asked.

Sometimes a question is really offensive, like I've mentioned.

It depends......