Hi Everyone,
I truly need advice, insight, and suggestions. But the background for this is long. So if you make it through, you are a saint.
My son:
X is 15, but is emotionally around 7. He has severe autism, a speech impairment (speech is clear, high vocabulary, long sentences, just not very conversational), epilepsy, and severe ADHD.
Aggression:
For the last three years, our son had been highly aggressive. When I say he’s aggressive, he’s hitting, kicking, shoving, tackling, head butting, biting, punching, scratching, and verbally threatening.
At its worst, it was nearly daily and sometimes for 2-3 hour stretches. We have a rescue medication now so doesn’t usually last longer than 30 minutes and it’s usually 1-3 times a week now. But it is very intense and usually results in us having to restrain which breaks my heart. But he tries his hardest to injure us and has in the past.
Addictions/Obsessions:
Almost all have to do with screens whether it’s the computer, iPad, or TV. 95% of aggression is because he wants access to these or wants to buy something he saw on one.
Current Electronic Situation:
- He has not had access to the internet in any form in 9 months or more. That means no computer access either except for a daily Zoom meeting with his class.
- We removed all TVs from the house a few months ago.
- We removed his iPad (no internet access before) and Nintendo DS three weeks ago.
Continued Problem:
It doesn’t matter what electronics we remove, he will still come out demanding something he’s watched and seen on YouTube and when he isn’t give access (which has been true for 9+ months) he becomes aggressive. I might be able to redirect after working on it for an hour, but usually he ends up trying to hurt me over it.
Last night he came after my husband over a movie on DVD he wanted (the only screen electronic he has left is a portable DVD player) and we wouldn’t go out and buy it but had told him he would get it on Saturday.
My husband is a software engineer. I’m an author. I can’t even write now because I cannot have a computer out or he’ll try to take it. I can’t usually even use my phone long for the same reason.
What We Have Tried:
We have tried charts. Earning electronic time for calm days. Losing electronics when he’s not calm. We’ve had a great deal of professionals who cannot help or find a way to decrease these behaviors. Now we are trying no electronics. We are on our own.
but the addictions, obsessions, and aggressions continue no matter what.
Don’t Know What to Do:
I’m at a loss and don’t know what to do. At this point, we need the aggression to stop. X is strong and is very scary. I don’t like restraining him and my husband and I are afraid to leave the other alone with him right now. We cannot get out and do things as a family because he flips out if he sees something he wants at a store, etc.
Will this focus on electronics ever ease? Or does the fact that he has an amazing memory mean he will still be hurting us over the same things five years from now and the rest of us having little access to electronics we need is for nothing?
Okay, I’m lucky I had this long. Going to post this, then will write an example below. Thanks for reading.
I truly need advice, insight, and suggestions. But the background for this is long. So if you make it through, you are a saint.
My son:
X is 15, but is emotionally around 7. He has severe autism, a speech impairment (speech is clear, high vocabulary, long sentences, just not very conversational), epilepsy, and severe ADHD.
Aggression:
For the last three years, our son had been highly aggressive. When I say he’s aggressive, he’s hitting, kicking, shoving, tackling, head butting, biting, punching, scratching, and verbally threatening.
At its worst, it was nearly daily and sometimes for 2-3 hour stretches. We have a rescue medication now so doesn’t usually last longer than 30 minutes and it’s usually 1-3 times a week now. But it is very intense and usually results in us having to restrain which breaks my heart. But he tries his hardest to injure us and has in the past.
Addictions/Obsessions:
Almost all have to do with screens whether it’s the computer, iPad, or TV. 95% of aggression is because he wants access to these or wants to buy something he saw on one.
Current Electronic Situation:
- He has not had access to the internet in any form in 9 months or more. That means no computer access either except for a daily Zoom meeting with his class.
- We removed all TVs from the house a few months ago.
- We removed his iPad (no internet access before) and Nintendo DS three weeks ago.
Continued Problem:
It doesn’t matter what electronics we remove, he will still come out demanding something he’s watched and seen on YouTube and when he isn’t give access (which has been true for 9+ months) he becomes aggressive. I might be able to redirect after working on it for an hour, but usually he ends up trying to hurt me over it.
Last night he came after my husband over a movie on DVD he wanted (the only screen electronic he has left is a portable DVD player) and we wouldn’t go out and buy it but had told him he would get it on Saturday.
My husband is a software engineer. I’m an author. I can’t even write now because I cannot have a computer out or he’ll try to take it. I can’t usually even use my phone long for the same reason.
What We Have Tried:
We have tried charts. Earning electronic time for calm days. Losing electronics when he’s not calm. We’ve had a great deal of professionals who cannot help or find a way to decrease these behaviors. Now we are trying no electronics. We are on our own.
but the addictions, obsessions, and aggressions continue no matter what.
Don’t Know What to Do:
I’m at a loss and don’t know what to do. At this point, we need the aggression to stop. X is strong and is very scary. I don’t like restraining him and my husband and I are afraid to leave the other alone with him right now. We cannot get out and do things as a family because he flips out if he sees something he wants at a store, etc.
Will this focus on electronics ever ease? Or does the fact that he has an amazing memory mean he will still be hurting us over the same things five years from now and the rest of us having little access to electronics we need is for nothing?
Okay, I’m lucky I had this long. Going to post this, then will write an example below. Thanks for reading.
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