My Aspie boyfriend, of a year and few months, has pretty much decided that he's going to move to Europe for work purposes later this year. We currently live in the US, where I have a good job for the foreseeable future. He did make some effort to find a job in this country, but it wasn't a particularly persistent effort and he's only willing to seek opportunities in a very specific realm: he wants to work in a highly specialized field, alongside experts from that field, while also having a high degree of independence for himself to pursue whichever projects interest him. Needless to say, his requirements greatly limit the possibilities, and he's unwilling to broaden his search for the sake of us being able to stay geographically close together.
The job offer in Europe is the only offer he has at the moment. He hasn't accepted yet, but he will do so in a few days unless he is somehow persuaded otherwise.
During his career search, I was willing to compromise for him: if he managed to find a job in the US or Canada, I was willing to switch to a job nearby, even if it wouldn't be as prestigious or ideal as the one in front of me. However, for a couple of reasons (aging parents and other responsibilities), I don't currently feel prepared to move full-time to another continent. He, however, is adamantly unable to compromise on anything having to do with his career - he views his career path as a strict, one-dimensional track that he has to follow no matter the consequences on other areas of life. I asked him how it would feel if his fixation on work resulted in him growing old alone - and it honestly doesn't seem to bother him.
I feel disappointed, and confused about what to do. I haven't seen this side of him before, at least not to such an extent. I don't think I should rely on him changing his worldview within the next two years (the length of the upcoming job), so who knows whether he'll be better able to compromise at that point. At the same time, he is often a caring, reliable person, and he says that he loves me. He even cried during one of our recent conversations about this. I do care about him a lot.
If and when he leaves for the job (which would be in a few months), he wants us to try having a long-distance relationship. I'm willing to try too... but I'm worried about how we'll manage to be together again in the long term, and what other problems may arise, if he continues to be so rigid.
Is there any way to reach an Aspie who is this inflexible? And is there any point in me hoping that he might become more broad-minded in the future? I know that people's priorities often recalibrate as they get older, but I don't know if he's capable of it. I don't want to hold my breath for years, only to be disappointed again, because I think that'll hurt even worse.
The job offer in Europe is the only offer he has at the moment. He hasn't accepted yet, but he will do so in a few days unless he is somehow persuaded otherwise.
During his career search, I was willing to compromise for him: if he managed to find a job in the US or Canada, I was willing to switch to a job nearby, even if it wouldn't be as prestigious or ideal as the one in front of me. However, for a couple of reasons (aging parents and other responsibilities), I don't currently feel prepared to move full-time to another continent. He, however, is adamantly unable to compromise on anything having to do with his career - he views his career path as a strict, one-dimensional track that he has to follow no matter the consequences on other areas of life. I asked him how it would feel if his fixation on work resulted in him growing old alone - and it honestly doesn't seem to bother him.
I feel disappointed, and confused about what to do. I haven't seen this side of him before, at least not to such an extent. I don't think I should rely on him changing his worldview within the next two years (the length of the upcoming job), so who knows whether he'll be better able to compromise at that point. At the same time, he is often a caring, reliable person, and he says that he loves me. He even cried during one of our recent conversations about this. I do care about him a lot.
If and when he leaves for the job (which would be in a few months), he wants us to try having a long-distance relationship. I'm willing to try too... but I'm worried about how we'll manage to be together again in the long term, and what other problems may arise, if he continues to be so rigid.
Is there any way to reach an Aspie who is this inflexible? And is there any point in me hoping that he might become more broad-minded in the future? I know that people's priorities often recalibrate as they get older, but I don't know if he's capable of it. I don't want to hold my breath for years, only to be disappointed again, because I think that'll hurt even worse.
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