Pnoplyr
New Member
Hello folks
I have had bouts of anxiety and depression throughout my life, The first I remember was in my early teenage years.
No friends as a younger child and pretty much all through high school, though I started to learn how to pass and not be quite as bullied. So the mask was set, I guess. I reinvented myself at sixth form and came out as gay. It was a huge relief to be open about that part of myself, though it was a difficult time. I thought that was what the issue had been all along. But, of course, it turns out my 'weirdness' runs deeper than that. Haha.
Currently in the midst of what I would now call autistic burnout. Multiple meltdowns and enduring anxiety and depression. I am exhausted and having to withdraw from so much stuff that I don't really want to withdraw from, but I just don't have the capacity to sustain it and hate letting folks down with inconsistency. It's worse to try and 'hang in' and do a poor job. Not the first time I have been in this place, just never recognized it for what it was before. Never say the connections between all my periods of poor mental health and inability to cope.
I want to connect with people, so I make myself useful, I take on too much and then.... intense emotions I don't even know how to categorize, extreme mental exhaustion and the need to stay on my own, even though I so desperately want to be with someone.
I have tried to explain where I am at to multiple friends, sadly many folks just don't get it. Lots of sarcasm and comments about self pity, lots of 'you can't be autistic'. Sigh. I am a sick of trying to explain myself.
Currently awaiting adult autism assessment. Thankfully my GP is supportive.
I have had bouts of anxiety and depression throughout my life, The first I remember was in my early teenage years.
No friends as a younger child and pretty much all through high school, though I started to learn how to pass and not be quite as bullied. So the mask was set, I guess. I reinvented myself at sixth form and came out as gay. It was a huge relief to be open about that part of myself, though it was a difficult time. I thought that was what the issue had been all along. But, of course, it turns out my 'weirdness' runs deeper than that. Haha.
Currently in the midst of what I would now call autistic burnout. Multiple meltdowns and enduring anxiety and depression. I am exhausted and having to withdraw from so much stuff that I don't really want to withdraw from, but I just don't have the capacity to sustain it and hate letting folks down with inconsistency. It's worse to try and 'hang in' and do a poor job. Not the first time I have been in this place, just never recognized it for what it was before. Never say the connections between all my periods of poor mental health and inability to cope.
I want to connect with people, so I make myself useful, I take on too much and then.... intense emotions I don't even know how to categorize, extreme mental exhaustion and the need to stay on my own, even though I so desperately want to be with someone.
I have tried to explain where I am at to multiple friends, sadly many folks just don't get it. Lots of sarcasm and comments about self pity, lots of 'you can't be autistic'. Sigh. I am a sick of trying to explain myself.
Currently awaiting adult autism assessment. Thankfully my GP is supportive.