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Now so much makes sense

Pnoplyr

New Member
Hello folks

I have had bouts of anxiety and depression throughout my life, The first I remember was in my early teenage years.

No friends as a younger child and pretty much all through high school, though I started to learn how to pass and not be quite as bullied. So the mask was set, I guess. I reinvented myself at sixth form and came out as gay. It was a huge relief to be open about that part of myself, though it was a difficult time. I thought that was what the issue had been all along. But, of course, it turns out my 'weirdness' runs deeper than that. Haha.

Currently in the midst of what I would now call autistic burnout. Multiple meltdowns and enduring anxiety and depression. I am exhausted and having to withdraw from so much stuff that I don't really want to withdraw from, but I just don't have the capacity to sustain it and hate letting folks down with inconsistency. It's worse to try and 'hang in' and do a poor job. Not the first time I have been in this place, just never recognized it for what it was before. Never say the connections between all my periods of poor mental health and inability to cope.

I want to connect with people, so I make myself useful, I take on too much and then.... intense emotions I don't even know how to categorize, extreme mental exhaustion and the need to stay on my own, even though I so desperately want to be with someone.

I have tried to explain where I am at to multiple friends, sadly many folks just don't get it. Lots of sarcasm and comments about self pity, lots of 'you can't be autistic'. Sigh. I am a sick of trying to explain myself.

Currently awaiting adult autism assessment. Thankfully my GP is supportive.
 
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Hello and welcome. I think you can find a good spot here among us. Your introduction is very relatable and many of the struggles you describe are things many of us understand. Stick around and read and write as much as you want. Let us know if you need any help settling in.
 
Welcome, @Pnoplyr

Being honest with yourself is more important than being honest to others. Though both are important. And from what it sounds like, you are on your way. Being around those that understand helps. Though it's sad your family invalidates you.

But at the end of the day, what other's think holds no value over what you know is true in yourself. Surround yourself with caring people, and cull those who are a poison in your life.
 
Welcome. As you've probably found already, there's lots of double rainbow persons in our community (autistic and 2SLGBTQ+) and for those who "came out" on the latter first, it can be like a second coming out to see and recognize oneself as being on the spectrum.

I've glad your GP is supportive and I hope you'll continue to find support and allies in your journey.
 
Welcome. As you've probably found already, there's lots of double rainbow persons in our community (autistic and 2SLGBTQ+) and for those who "came out" on the latter first, it can be like a second coming out to see and recognize oneself as being on the spectrum.

I've glad your GP is supportive and I hope you'll continue to find support and allies in your journey.
Thank you, yes exactly. Feels like coming out all over again.
 

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