Not very affective but don't know why

[Etzelaire]

I watched a 'big bang theory' episode and seeing Sheldon made me realize I don't recall ever hugging anyone. Even though sometimes I'd like to I just can't. I need a guide for social conventions because I alone don't get them.

 

[King_Oni]

Even if you had a guide, it would most likely mean you'd go out of your way and act according to a few written rules, opposed to a lot of other people who probably do this intuitively. Not sure if that's something you're interested in either.

 

[Etzelaire]

Yes as they say in most webs, it's like acting

 

[King_Oni]

Yes as they say in most webs, it's like acting

Oh, yes it is...

But even if it's acting; acting 24/7 can be tough and pretty tiresome.

Not to mention some people can still be bad actors

 

[DogwoodTree]

Even though sometimes I'd like to I just can't. I need a guide for social conventions because I alone don't get them.

This part of your post tells me there's something more here than simply needing to know the rules so you can act the part. You want to hug, but don't know how.

I feel the same way--there are times I actually do want a hug (as opposed to obligatory hugging), but it's at an odd time or whatever. I think in my case, I'm always paranoid that people will think I'm overstepping their personal boundaries, or being sexual with them when I'm not. I'm terrified of breaking rules that I don't know exist.

So giving someone a hug isn't always "acting"...but it often isn't timed with when I genuinely felt the desire to give a hug. Does that make sense? It's like what's inside me and what's outside me...aren't necessarily opposed to each other (though often it is)...it's just out of sync.

And sometimes, it's just plain fear getting in the way. Everyone's hugging (like at church)...I want a good hug...but my body locks up and I can't stand being touched. So then, what's out of sync is my heart's desire vs. my body's sensitivities against physical contact.

 

[Judge]

Weird to look back and recall I was much that way growing up. Pretty distant from people physically speaking. I suppose I still am in some ways. But I learned at some point to push myself....even if it is only "acting". It just never comes natural to me with the exception of someone I'd have been in a relationship with or a very close friend or relative.

 

[Etzelaire]

This part of your post tells me there's something more here than simply needing to know the rules so you can act the part. You want to hug, but don't know how.

I feel the same way--there are times I actually do want a hug (as opposed to obligatory hugging), but it's at an odd time or whatever. I think in my case, I'm always paranoid that people will think I'm overstepping their personal boundaries, or being sexual with them when I'm not. I'm terrified of breaking rules that I don't know exist.

So giving someone a hug isn't always "acting"...but it often isn't timed with when I genuinely felt the desire to give a hug. Does that make sense? It's like what's inside me and what's outside me...aren't necessarily opposed to each other (though often it is)...it's just out of sync.

And sometimes, it's just plain fear getting in the way. Everyone's hugging (like at church)...I want a good hug...but my body locks up and I can't stand being touched. So then, what's out of sync is my heart's desire vs. my body's sensitivities against physical contact.

Exactly the same here!