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Not sure why I'm so mixed in this aspect...

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Tyrantus1212, Jun 12, 2017.

  1. Tyrantus1212

    Tyrantus1212 An odd dinosaur. Yet a dinosaur.

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    It's weird. Sometimes I just want to be left alone, while at other times I'm the one who cannot leave people alone . Moreover, this often depends on the person.

    If these people are my friends - the very few ones I managed to make - I cling to them like a moth to a flame. I cannot let go of them; I love them very much and I need to maximize the amount of time I spend with them. I text them more than anyone else does and constantly schedule weekend hangouts with them, aiming for every weekend even know I know that it's not possible EVERY weekend.

    If the person is someone I don't know well, or someone that I have a less-than-friend sort of relationship with (especially if they're an authoritative figure) - and that goes for most of the people I know - I usually prefer to be left alone, and whenever people in this category ask me questions - especially ones with the word "why" - I just go into panic mode and speak in an embarrassed monotone, as though I'm afraid of them or something. It seems like I'm afraid of everyone I've let down in the past who isn't a friend, and there are only like 4 or something people in my life that I haven't ever let down. I'm constantly on the edge when I'm at work and I know I shouldn't be because those people all treat me in a civil manner. The people that I have let down still think that I'm a good guy but I just can't face them in a normal way anymore, and I know it's a paranoia - one of zillions. I think they all detect the fear.

    With my mom and dad I'm at polar ends. Half the time I go into my room and just don't want them to disturb me. Yet at other times I just walk around the house like a 5 year old kid would and say a bunch of random things to them; yet I almost never start any sort of serious conversations with them because in most cases I'm incapable of being serious. I choose when I want to be alone and when I want the opposite but I don't admit that to them because I don't want to come off as a jerk. Whenever I feel like they want to start a serious conversation with me I feel like it's running the mood; I even called my father "buzzkill" once for simply telling me not to scream out loud when it's past midnight.

    I do try my best to be serious only when required, but that's mostly at work, and I do my best to be professional there but nowhere else. What's wrong with me? Why am I so hypocritical in the way I treat people? Why do I have more respect for some people that others? And why am I almost incapable of being serious? Makes me come off as a jerk and that is something I don't ever want to be. Please advise me guys, because this is only one of my zillions of struggles and it's one of the more confusing ones.
     
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  2. ksheehan88

    ksheehan88 :)

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    All of that in bold, I could have written myself.

    With people I care very much for, its almost an obsession and my world falls apart if we have harsh words, or even if they don't respond to messages straight away.

    I tolerate mostly everyone else, and try not to talk too much. If I'm dragged into a conversation, I talk very quickly without really thinking and usually say something stupid.
     
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  3. ksheehan88

    ksheehan88 :)

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    Sorry I didn't mean to post it that many times!
     
  4. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Don't sweat it. It's likely a server glitch. A number of us have run into this in the last few hours.
     
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  5. Bella Pines

    Bella Pines Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    There are a lot of thoughts there, I suggest that perhaps you order your thoughts and work on each one at a time.

    For instance, take the single question "what's wrong with me?", there is nothing wrong with you. If you mean that you deviate from the most common denominator then yes, everyone does in some way, or else we would all be clones. Try accepting yourself, acknowledging that you are not 'wrong', that you are simply you. And after that idea has settled, tackle the next item.
     
  6. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor V.I.P Member

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    Its anxiety if its a panic attack youll know as you wont want to eat i think mor specifically its social anxiety and mixed with a coping strategy ie only talking to some people being politely distant to the rest .
    I do the same but try to see a counsellor or psychologist as we cant control everything if if your stress escalates you could become severely damaged ie agoraphobia clinical depression
     
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  7. Tyrantus1212

    Tyrantus1212 An odd dinosaur. Yet a dinosaur.

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    Yikes. Sometimes I actually wonder whether or not I'm at the entry point of depression because not a day goes by where I don't have some intrusive thought just mindlessly popping into head out of the blue like that. I actually talked to my doc earlier today about the clinginess I exhibit towards my (few) friends and he said that it's actually normal for friends to hang out only once a month? Never for once would I have believed that in the past - twice a month seems more like acquaintances than friends to me. I guess I'll try to take his word for it?
     
  8. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor V.I.P Member

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    Theres a quote from the bible goes like this sort of "the spirit is at war with the flesh(soul)thats the conflict
    for jews and Christians it means daily the flesh dies another part says the human heart is deceitful above all else ;i think slightly less so for people on the spectrum
    as you can now slightly understand thats why you have conflict with yourself
    DONT panic if you DONT need to its
    Heres more info the abdomen mainly the large and small intestines are considered by the psychiatry world to be a second brain
    but this main cant perceive sound or vision so if you panic which puts a strain on the kidneys the adrenal glands are on top of them you wont help yourself panic is to stop you from being killed by great(a predator with serious desire to stop you or an earthquake or an assailant )danger not conflict of your own body
    tell yourself you DONT have to worry so much
    and remember people are not G~d they are not that powerful they cant fulfill all your needs you need another source of strength not class 1,2,3 drugs or alcohol or other common self medications for instance :alcohol has a preservative which is poisonous so DONT go that route
    cannabis can give you cancer of the jaw bone years of smoking




     
  9. ksheehan88

    ksheehan88 :)

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    There are no proven studies that say cannabis gives you anything. In fact, I believe cannabis is the safest drug there is in the world, given there are no direct fatalities that have arisen from its use.