Okay yeah I'm making another one of these blasted threads, sorry.
Related to the same bloody topic as before. Gotta do the awkward and scary "hey yeah, guess what, I'm a girl, actually" transgender reveal with family pretty soon. Already explained that.
I'm hoping to do it by Christmas, particularly as my father's mood has been improving a lot (I dont want to do it when he's still overly stressed out from his injury). But as he's getting better, I know the time to do it is approaching.
Which is great and all, but a particular potential obstacle has presented itself. Well, not entirely unexpected, but...
See, I've been over to visit my mother and stepfather a bunch of times recently (they only live about 15 minutes away). Which has been nice enough, but as always, I'm carefully observing everything that is said while I'm around, which is just something I constantly do for no reason. And there have definitely been certain problematic comments from my stepfather. Not towards me, but they dont need to be towards me for me to catch onto the potential problem in them.
Like, earlier today I was over there, and my mom was showing me her new hobby (crocheting, and she'd like NEVER had a hobby before, so it was pretty exciting), and she was talking about how maybe she'd make a stuffed animal for my brother's kid, who is about 3 years old. She also made a wistful comment related to my stepfather's grandkids, mentioning how she might have made something like that for them back when they were younger.
Cue the odd comment from him, which was something like "well, no, they probably wouldnt have really cared for that sort of thing... boys really dont like stuffed animals much. Boys are really different from girls, you know", which... ugh. Yeah, it was THAT type of comment. Incidentally, I had like a bazillion stuffed animals as a kid myself, because of course I did.
Every now and then, there's been some comment from him, something that is... I guess you could say a verbal reinforcement of gender stereotypes and stuff like that. Nothing hateful, nothing directly bigoted (that I could tell, I'm not always so good at catching deeper meaning), but just statements that were a bit... off. A bit worrying, in the context of what I need to do.
There isnt any avoiding telling them about it. My brother will likely be told within a day or two after I tell my father, and when he's travelled over to our area to visit, he's often at my mom's at the same time I am, and... yeah he wouldnt just outright tell someone something like that without permission (he always means well), but any use of "she/her" related to me (on accident, I mean) around them is all it's going to take. I know them well enough to know that they WILL catch that, it aint gonna go over their heads. One way or another, it'll slip eventually. So there's no point in trying to hide it (also I'm just freaking tired of doing that).
Thing is though, I've no idea how to approach this possible conflict. My stepfather isnt like, a violent guy or anything, nothing like that, but still, we've clashed on many occasions, particularly back when I used to work (because I was incapable of holding a job, and so I had to hear the whole "BE A MAN AND GET A JOB" rant often... not the only thing we'd fight about, mind you). He's mellowed out a lot over time, though he and my brother still go at it every now and then.
Put all that together, and... yeah I'm not sure what the result is going to be. Everyone else, I'm not worried about... only real problem with them is honestly my own lack of self-confidence and tendency to get embarrassed easily. Him though, he's a bit of a wildcard in this situation, and I cant avoid that particular interaction.
And... yeah. I've no idea how to approach this. I'm very non-confrontational... quiet and passive, always have been. Usually, I'll simply avoid potential conflicts... it's very rare there's a need to enter a situation where a conflict may break out with someone. So this is not exactly something I've experience in dealing with. And, the whole autism thing... I struggle hard with the idea of being assertive and standing my ground, while of course having communication issues...
The silver lining though is that I'll at least have my brother's support in the situation, and he's the super-protective sort (which is actually something those two used to fight about... my stepfather yelling at me over some stupid thing was usually enough to get my brother to step in with a defensive role). Still though... I dunno.
So... yeah. Wondering if any of you here might have any advice or thoughts on this. Have any of you gone through something similar, the need to do some sort of difficult reveal with someone who could get mean over it? What would you do?
Related to the same bloody topic as before. Gotta do the awkward and scary "hey yeah, guess what, I'm a girl, actually" transgender reveal with family pretty soon. Already explained that.
I'm hoping to do it by Christmas, particularly as my father's mood has been improving a lot (I dont want to do it when he's still overly stressed out from his injury). But as he's getting better, I know the time to do it is approaching.
Which is great and all, but a particular potential obstacle has presented itself. Well, not entirely unexpected, but...
See, I've been over to visit my mother and stepfather a bunch of times recently (they only live about 15 minutes away). Which has been nice enough, but as always, I'm carefully observing everything that is said while I'm around, which is just something I constantly do for no reason. And there have definitely been certain problematic comments from my stepfather. Not towards me, but they dont need to be towards me for me to catch onto the potential problem in them.
Like, earlier today I was over there, and my mom was showing me her new hobby (crocheting, and she'd like NEVER had a hobby before, so it was pretty exciting), and she was talking about how maybe she'd make a stuffed animal for my brother's kid, who is about 3 years old. She also made a wistful comment related to my stepfather's grandkids, mentioning how she might have made something like that for them back when they were younger.
Cue the odd comment from him, which was something like "well, no, they probably wouldnt have really cared for that sort of thing... boys really dont like stuffed animals much. Boys are really different from girls, you know", which... ugh. Yeah, it was THAT type of comment. Incidentally, I had like a bazillion stuffed animals as a kid myself, because of course I did.
Every now and then, there's been some comment from him, something that is... I guess you could say a verbal reinforcement of gender stereotypes and stuff like that. Nothing hateful, nothing directly bigoted (that I could tell, I'm not always so good at catching deeper meaning), but just statements that were a bit... off. A bit worrying, in the context of what I need to do.
There isnt any avoiding telling them about it. My brother will likely be told within a day or two after I tell my father, and when he's travelled over to our area to visit, he's often at my mom's at the same time I am, and... yeah he wouldnt just outright tell someone something like that without permission (he always means well), but any use of "she/her" related to me (on accident, I mean) around them is all it's going to take. I know them well enough to know that they WILL catch that, it aint gonna go over their heads. One way or another, it'll slip eventually. So there's no point in trying to hide it (also I'm just freaking tired of doing that).
Thing is though, I've no idea how to approach this possible conflict. My stepfather isnt like, a violent guy or anything, nothing like that, but still, we've clashed on many occasions, particularly back when I used to work (because I was incapable of holding a job, and so I had to hear the whole "BE A MAN AND GET A JOB" rant often... not the only thing we'd fight about, mind you). He's mellowed out a lot over time, though he and my brother still go at it every now and then.
Put all that together, and... yeah I'm not sure what the result is going to be. Everyone else, I'm not worried about... only real problem with them is honestly my own lack of self-confidence and tendency to get embarrassed easily. Him though, he's a bit of a wildcard in this situation, and I cant avoid that particular interaction.
And... yeah. I've no idea how to approach this. I'm very non-confrontational... quiet and passive, always have been. Usually, I'll simply avoid potential conflicts... it's very rare there's a need to enter a situation where a conflict may break out with someone. So this is not exactly something I've experience in dealing with. And, the whole autism thing... I struggle hard with the idea of being assertive and standing my ground, while of course having communication issues...
The silver lining though is that I'll at least have my brother's support in the situation, and he's the super-protective sort (which is actually something those two used to fight about... my stepfather yelling at me over some stupid thing was usually enough to get my brother to step in with a defensive role). Still though... I dunno.
So... yeah. Wondering if any of you here might have any advice or thoughts on this. Have any of you gone through something similar, the need to do some sort of difficult reveal with someone who could get mean over it? What would you do?