Not noticing romantic interest (at the appropriate moment)

[salamontius]

I am not sure is this a aspie trait or something else, since I have never visited a therapist, but I have a way of acting very slow about hints what has been described by others to me as 100% sure sign of interest.
I am a male, I am more or less adapted to people, but find only confusion, when it comes to building any kind of relationship. In this case romantic.
Since I am more or less good looking, intelligent and mysterious(actually I just don't like to talk), I have experienced some romantic interest from females. Yet I almost never understood it. I have been enlightened about it only afterwards, by my companions. I have several stories. One of them is about a girl that I danced with all evening and who offered me to stay over, since her roommate was not in town. I agreed because I had nowhere to stay, but nothing happened. Since I could not imagine that dancing and drinking all night together and then a walk to her place, spending time in some enlightening discussions could be followed by anything else. I was quite surprised next day, when everyone of my friends assumed something more happened. There were many times when I was talking to a girl and afterwards was informed that I was actually flirting with a girl. For example, I was of course flattered, when a girl said she really likes my name and that it would be a fitting for her husband. But not until later I realized it could be a beginning of something more.
I have a handful of such stories and I started to think, that there is something wrong with me.
Anyway I wanted to know, is this an aspie thing?
Being slow or oblivious to such hints and situations.

 

[wyverary]

Yes, I think it is an Aspie thing. In fact, I have been in similar situations to yours, not for a long time (I've long since learned to avoid such situations), but I've spent time with women and had them sleep over, with nothing happening, and NO IDEA what their actual intentions were!

I should clarify that I identify as asexual, which further complicates things.

Maybe it's one of those things you have to learn with experience. Maybe being absolutely direct with them would help...or maybe that would only make everything go downhill. I wouldn't know, but maybe it's worth a shot?

Anyway, best,
wyv

 

[ItalianAspie]

On my second marriage because I have a hard time with that. I also have a hard time with any empathy or emotion at all. And yes I'm an Aspie.

 

[Justagal]

I can certainly relate to this. I tend to be able to develop friendships with men more easily than with women (not sure why, I suspect it's related to the aspergers in some way or other) and while *I* think we're just spending time together because we're two people that seem to enjoy each others company, sometimes it turns out we're actually dating and I've had no idea. This has happened recently actually, I unknowingly 'dated' a guy for a month and it wasn't until the topic of dating came up in general conversation that I put my foot in my mouth by offering to set him up with a friend of mine and realised that he thought we WERE dating. That got awkward very quickly. :/

Unless someone articulates that it's a date, I seem to have no idea. A coffee with a guy looks the same as a coffee with a girl to me. If anyone has any hints or tips on how to tell the difference between just hanging out and dating (without it being articulated) I'd be very grateful

 

[Xenocity]

Don't worry too much about it.

Plenty of humans have always had trouble with picking up romantic signals of all sorts.
Some people are good at it, others aren't for whatever reason.

If this was a key issue for the diagnosis of Asperger's or ASDs, then a lot of people I have met would be AS or ASD.

 

[Justagal]

Thanks, I'm sure you're right. Sometimes I think I should come with a warning label when it comes to any potential romantic relationships, ha.

 

[Larisa]

I can certainly relate to this. I tend to be able to develop friendships with men more easily than with women (not sure why, I suspect it's related to the aspergers in some way or other) and while *I* think we're just spending time together because we're two people that seem to enjoy each others company, sometimes it turns out we're actually dating and I've had no idea. This has happened recently actually, I unknowingly 'dated' a guy for a month and it wasn't until the topic of dating came up in general conversation that I put my foot in my mouth by offering to set him up with a friend of mine and realised that he thought we WERE dating. That got awkward very quickly. :/

Unless someone articulates that it's a date, I seem to have no idea. A coffee with a guy looks the same as a coffee with a girl to me. If anyone has any hints or tips on how to tell the difference between just hanging out and dating (without it being articulated) I'd be very grateful

I noticed the same thing and I puts me under much pressure - if a person spends time with me because he likes the talk, the common interest - or he courts me and just plays nice.
I find to be disappointing and stressful when it turns out to be the latter: I would rather prefer the person was really interested in the things we had discussed.

 

[Kouryuu]

I never used to notice until recent times I actually did a bunch of research into the topic. Now I generally understand incoming signs but I really dont know outgoing signs, I prefer talking to ladies rather than fella's, I dont know why really, just more comfortable. It kinda makes it awkward when someone I intend to be friends with ends up interested in more, then it becomes all or nothing and I dont like that :/.

Funny story though. Recently started college and there was this girl who was giving me tons of signs for weeks and continues currently. Tons of body contact, laughing at my dumbness, staring directly into my eyes (this happens a lot and its quite uncomfortable) and multiple other people hinting or directly asking me about the 'crush' or how we should just get together already. The problem is she has a bf, so I'm thinking what the hell? I got over it now by assuming she's a physical communicator or something but I was confused for a short while.