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Non-Functional Eye Contact

Gritches

Gritches

The Happy Dog
V.I.P Member
I was once made aware of something called "Non-Functional Eye Contact", which is apparently the kind of eye contact someone who cannot read faces would make. I was told that "non-functional eye contact would always put people off".

Unfortunately, it's a bit late for follow-up questions, but it seems pretty cut-and-dried: when most people make eye contact, it's to read the other person's face, apparently. When we make eye contact, it's largely for the sake of it or we otherwise don't get the same benefit as NTs from the practice.

Fair enough, I suppose, but I've never heard of this distinction being made or any mention really of non-functional eye contact before. Is anyone familiar? And for an alternate prompt that's easier to respond to: what sort of things do you do to make your eye contact seems more human and less fake?
 
Using my eyes for emphasis. Like an explanation mark in writing would be for.
Such as widening my eyes open or raising my brows like I'm feeling surprised when someone says something that might make me feel like saying Wow at.
Frowning with eyebrows in agreement to something they feel is bad in their life or something someone else has done that was bad.
Look them in the eyes and shake my head in agreement to something they say that I may agree with or want them to think I empathize with.
 
I can only speak for how I am now, but I feel oddly aware of the eye contact I make. When I look at someone it seems like I'm either looking at their face as a whole or right into their eyes, as in looking right into their pupils, looking at iris color, the way pupils dilate and contract, eye shape overall, and specks in the iris. I don't know if this helps you at all but this what I seem to do when I look at someone's eyes. If I get a hard stare, regardless if it's good or bad or good I get goosebumps. I think there's an emotional component I haven't completely figured out yet. I think it's better to make some eye contact than not at all, especially if you have a good "customer service" game going on.
 
I can only speak for myself here, but my problem is not that I can't read facial expressions at all - I usually can tell that someone is happy or sad, it's more that I can't read or distinguish between subtle emotions. It takes a conscious effort to read emotions: I'm not able to process a facial expression and listen, or talk at the same time. Just not possible. So I tend to concentrate on their speech, or on talking, rather than their facial expression.

Also, one reason why I often don't make eye contact is because it is overwhelming, it feels intrusive, like two same poles of a magnet trying to meet.
 
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It does not bother me to make eye contact, I just normally do not do it. I am not sure why, it must just be another one of my Aspie ways. I have found that most NTs think that you are not listening to them if you do not make eye contact. So I try to make eye contact with people that I am having a conversation with. I just have to think about it to do it.
 
Yeah, eye contact...

It's something I had been working with on my last 3 girlfriends. I had read that eye contact was an important component to showing interest in a romantic way, so I've been more mindful of that & trying it more. All of them say I have such an intense stare, like I'm staring straight through them or right into their soul. I'm thinking that's not how its supposed to be? Anyone with more information about how NTs are supposed to do this would be interesting.

My oldest friend (I knew him since the 1st grade so many years ago...well over 30) had a funeral for his father this weekend. I was having a rough time...got pulled over & ticketed on the way there, so I was already unsettled. Then both the church & the luncheon after were packed with people. I noticed talking to hiim & his wife's parents (whom were nice enough to invite me to sit with them) I had a lot of trouble making the effort to make eye contact. It was in fact exhausting. I took a 3hr nap afterwards, then slept for 12 hours that night. Really took a lot out of me...
 
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