New to this forum... And to all of this really.

[AshleyDS]

Hi, my name is Ashley.

I'm 26, married, and have no children.

I have always been socially "off". I never realized it until the last year and a half; before, I just thought people were jerks and disliked me because of them being... well, jerks. It changed when I moved into a different office environment where I am surrounded by coworkers that "chit chat". I found out that I don't seem to recognize social queues, like when I inappropriately butt into other people's conversations or monopolize the conversation. I have very rigid ideas of right and wrong and am very unforgiving of mistakes. I got a promotion and became lead of my department - in two years I pushed away both of my underlings. My boss doesn't want to let me go because I'm a savant in my field and incredibly productive (not just my ego, I was going to go back to school and they damn near doubled my salary to keep me)- so my boss recommended a book "how to win friends and influence people". After reading a bit, it occurred to me how much I don't readily understand about people. Up to this point, my husband and I joked that I was aspergersy, but I hadn't taken it seriously - it was more of an inappropriate and un-PC joke that I am now ashamed of. I decided to do some self tests and all of them told me it was of high likelihood I have aspergers. After that I immersed myself in diagnostic criteria and videos and it seems like all my problems fit. (Social issues, rigid thinking, repetitive behaviors, above average intelligence/IQ, excessive clumsiness, need for consistancy and plans - to the point I frequently throw temper tantrums when plans change).

I should mention that I do okay in one-on-one conversations with select people. Everyone else gets uncomfortable around me, and I completely fail in group situations.

For years I have been depressed for thinking "different" from everyone else - like I don't belong in this world (for a while I actually believed I was a higher being trapped in a human body - grandiose, I know). Now to learn that instead of having BPD, depression, OCD, dependant personality... the list goes on - that it likely is one diagnosis of aspergers/ASD, I feel relieved, but also embarrassed and still feel like it doesn't change much - I still have to chip off pieces of myself to fit in with the rest of the world (or as you guys call them, NT's), and that breaks my heart.

I am not surprised my therapist missed this for years, as my main tell is talking about myself all the time - which of course is all one does in therapy. I am going to talk with him about this next session, and we'll see what he thinks.

 

[Nitro]

 

[tree]

 

[Tyrantus1212]

Hi, my name is Ashley.

I'm 26, married, and have no children.

I have always been socially "off". I never realized it until the last year and a half; before, I just thought people were jerks and disliked me because of them being... well, jerks. It changed when I moved into a different office environment where I am surrounded by coworkers that "chit chat". I found out that I don't seem to recognize social queues, like when I inappropriately butt into other people's conversations or monopolize the conversation. I have very rigid ideas of right and wrong and am very unforgiving of mistakes. I got a promotion and became lead of my department - in two years I pushed away both of my underlings. My boss doesn't want to let me go because I'm a savant in my field and incredibly productive (not just my ego, I was going to go back to school and they damn near doubled my salary to keep me)- so my boss recommended a book "how to win friends and influence people". After reading a bit, it occurred to me how much I don't readily understand about people. Up to this point, my husband and I joked that I was aspergersy, but I hadn't taken it seriously - it was more of an inappropriate and un-PC joke that I am now ashamed of. I decided to do some self tests and all of them told me it was of high likelihood I have aspergers. After that I immersed myself in diagnostic criteria and videos and it seems like all my problems fit. (Social issues, rigid thinking, repetitive behaviors, above average intelligence/IQ, excessive clumsiness, need for consistancy and plans - to the point I frequently throw temper tantrums when plans change).

I should mention that I do okay in one-on-one conversations with select people. Everyone else gets uncomfortable around me, and I completely fail in group situations.

For years I have been depressed for thinking "different" from everyone else - like I don't belong in this world (for a while I actually believed I was a higher being trapped in a human body - grandiose, I know). Now to learn that instead of having BPD, depression, OCD, dependant personality... the list goes on - that it likely is one diagnosis of aspergers/ASD, I feel relieved, but also embarrassed and still feel like it doesn't change much - I still have to chip off pieces of myself to fit in with the rest of the world (or as you guys call them, NT's), and that breaks my heart.

I am not surprised my therapist missed this for years, as my main tell is talking about myself all the time - which of course is all one does in therapy. I am going to talk with him about this next session, and we'll see what he thinks.

Hello Ashley and WELCOME to AC!

I'm 29 (will be 30 in a few months) and I've never dated. I can relate to almost everything you've mentioned here. I used to wonder why people get mad at me so easily for quite a long time. I've never been promoted over the 5 and a half years I've been working, and one of the differences between us is that I'm not productive because I'm slow. I'm very skilled in computer programming but I'm very slow.

My boss and coworkers are nice to me but I can really drive them crazy at times. Despite this I've always felt like the odd duck, the odd man out. In college I pushed so many people away with my behavior and ended up more alone than ever before. I've had some squabbles with a couple of coworkers because of my behavior. I have a near total lack of social skills and that makes way for a type of behavior that's perceived as weird and even obnoxious. Some people thought I was crazy or on drugs.

I too am OK in one-sided conversations with only SOME people, ones that don't overreact to me because I'm a very difficult person to get along with. My behavior in college completely lowered my self-esteem, even to the point of self-hatred. I've always felt different and that I don't belong. My social issues are still endless, I'm all into routines and I react very badly to change. I'm very prone to tantrums and even meltdowns (even had one today) and I have the maturity of a 5-year-old. My psychologist thinks I have Asperger's and the online tests tell me that I'm most likely an Aspie. People just didn't know what to do about me for years before I even started going to a specialist. This is all my fault, I should have snapped out of the denial and stopped waiting for that magical moment where I suddenly change my ways.

It will take me quite a bit of hard work to be able to mingle with NT's. I managed to make a few friends over the past couple of years, ones that appreciate me for who I am; otherwise I've hardly ever had any.

I too am reading the book "How to Make Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, albeit slowly. In my case it was recommended to me by my dad. Has the book been helping you out so far? I'm also reading another Carnegie book called "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living". I've allowed these terrible anxieties to take over a huge chunk of my life and sometimes I even wonder if I'm about to head into depression. I'm really tired of living like this and I want a better life. I'm only starting out on my journey here by joining AC and seeing a specialist. I should have done it YEARS ago. This man is not only teaching me how to manage my anxieties, but he also makes an attempt to better my social skills. I'm just wondering if I should start seeing him twice a week instead of once.

 

[Streetwise]

Hi, my name is Ashley.

I'm 26, married, and have no children.

I have always been socially "off". I never realized it until the last year and a half; before, I just thought people were jerks and disliked me because of them being... well, jerks. It changed when I moved into a different office environment where I am surrounded by coworkers that "chit chat". I found out that I don't seem to recognize social queues, like when I inappropriately butt into other people's conversations or monopolize the conversation. I have very rigid ideas of right and wrong and am very unforgiving of mistakes. I got a promotion and became lead of my department - in two years I pushed away both of my underlings. My boss doesn't want to let me go because I'm a savant in my field and incredibly productive (not just my ego, I was going to go back to school and they damn near doubled my salary to keep me)- so my boss recommended a book "how to win friends and influence people". After reading a bit, it occurred to me how much I don't readily understand about people. Up to this point, my husband and I joked that I was aspergersy, but I hadn't taken it seriously - it was more of an inappropriate and un-PC joke that I am now ashamed of. I decided to do some self tests and all of them told me it was of high likelihood I have aspergers. After that I immersed myself in diagnostic criteria and videos and it seems like all my problems fit. (Social issues, rigid thinking, repetitive behaviors, above average intelligence/IQ, excessive clumsiness, need for consistancy and plans - to the point I frequently throw temper tantrums when plans change).

I should mention that I do okay in one-on-one conversations with select people. Everyone else gets uncomfortable around me, and I completely fail in group situations.

For years I have been depressed for thinking "different" from everyone else - like I don't belong in this world (for a while I actually believed I was a higher being trapped in a human body - grandiose, I know). Now to learn that instead of having BPD, depression, OCD, dependant personality... the list goes on - that it likely is one diagnosis of aspergers/ASD, I feel relieved, but also embarrassed and still feel like it doesn't change much - I still have to chip off pieces of myself to fit in with the rest of the world (or as you guys call them, NT's), and that breaks my heart.

I am not surprised my therapist missed this for years, as my main tell is talking about myself all the time - which of course is all one does in therapy. I am going to talk with him about this next session, and we'll see what he thinks.

your dog is beautiful

 

[Bolletje]

Welcome! I'm a 31 year old Aspie female, wasn't diagnosed until I was 29 and boy did that explain a lot to me. It's such a burden to not be able to fit in with other people socially and never knowing why. Feeling alien and wrong. Alienating people and having no idea why, or how to fix it. In my experience, it takes a while for acceptance to sink in, and a while to develop understanding of what the condition means for you personally, but after that? Things did get easier. I hope it's the same way for you, and I hope you find any support you could need along the way here.

 

[Hartley]

Hello and welcome!

 

[Danny 74]

Helloooo ashleyDs.....!

 

[xudo]

Welcome