Needingspace
New Member
Hi. My mother had ASC, and my brother. I didn't know that back then when I suddenly felt trapped into marrying my husband. I didn't understand what was going on, but his behaviour felt normal to me, because he behaved like my mother and brother. I don't feel safe saying too much here, in case I'm identified. All three of them go into rages, and eventually I had a complete breakdown, so I can't risk sticking my head above the parapet by saying anything that will identify me, because I can't face any more anger, or apparent anger. I'm still with my husband after more than 40 years, but struggling to recover from the severe trauma that went on for about four years and caused the breakdown. I can't face recovering to life as it was before. I can see that my husband needs me, and as a Christian I resist divorce. But I need the space to be me; I really need freedom for a bit. I want to live apart but stay married and visit each other once a month, and spend Christmas and holidays together. I'm happy to talk on the phone and by messages - that works well for us and we do it a lot already. I'm not saying this should be forever, but he's finding this hard to understand and I need to know how to explain to him that it will be better for both of us. And I know if this happens I'm going to face a lot of criticism, and I'm dreading that. I feel so completely battered.
