Lady Lucifer
Rejected Disney Princess
Hello users! I was diagnosed as aspergers ten years ago, when I was about eleven or twelve years old. I am so grateful that I was diagnosed at such a young age or else I would not be where I am today!
That being said I am not a proud aspie. It has caused me a lot of stress and trauma in my life. My life is complicated as not only am I AS, but I also have dyslexia, PTSD because of my ASD, and unilateral anopathalmia. (meaning I am missing one eye) Almost everyone in my family is some form of ASD, but will not admit it as my diagnosis causes "shame" in the family. My parents are also narccisst, so that dosen't help either.
My speacil intrest is abnormal psychology (oddly enough. Psychology is also my major in college at the moment), true crime documentaries, Disney (specifically the princess francise and the villain franchise), metal music, sex psychology, random ted talks and conspiracy theories. I'm good at math (if I have a good teacher) and english (somewhat, I can write but I can't spell or memorize every grammatical rule there is) and my weakest subject is history and philopshy.
Other symptoms of my ASD include:
* mild over stimulation (tunnel vision and hearing loss in mildly loud environments like a car or mall)
* needs constant alone time
* afraid to make social connections
* will openly talk about anything, even if the situation or environment is inappropriate (never teach a christen kid about how the devil is a really good person for example)
* irritability episodes (I'm not the explosive type. Very rarely will I ever explode. Those are usually triggered by a event stacked on top of another)
* depression episodes
* almost literal comprehension
* I like to have things planned out (not everything, but just certain events)
* poor time management skills
* financial trouble
* has strict rules when it comes to romantic/sexual relationships
* hates being touched (sometimes)
* odd phobias
* I need to have my hand held (figuratively) when it comes to learning harder subjects such as higher math (even though I'm decent at math) or goverment (which is a subject I never learned in high school)
* Somewhat advanced vocabulary in casual situations
* Has therapy devices (a certain toy comforts me in stressful situations. He also talks, I talk for him)
* Addictive personality (oddly enough this dosen't include drugs or alcohol)
* Has trouble keeping/maintaining friendships
* Has trouble communicating needs
* Has trouble processing body needs (i.e: when I need to eat, when I need to pee, etc) Not that I am physically unable to tell (though with the eating thing, that may be caused by IBS, which is another condition I have, commonly associated with ASD) but I'll be so wrapped up in something, I'll forget that I have to fulfill that need. I have to tell myself, "Okay, you've been at this gathering for eight hours now, its time to use the bathroom. You have not gone since we left the house."
* Socially tone deaf
Ironically, I am able to pick up on emotions, compared to most people with this condition. (I'm not insulting those with AS. But what I mean to say is that a lot of AS patients aren't able to read emotions that well.) I mean I can't read them perfectly, as I'm prone to making aspie assumptions such as "he really isn't into me at all" when I am looking at a guy I like.
That being said, empathy is still an emotion, I can't entirely grasp. Like I can feel it, but not strongly. (Which is also very common with AS patients) I didn't understand greif or loss until four years ago, where I actually lost not one, not two, but four loved ones in the same year. (2 in which were family members, one was a teacher of mine and another was someone in a internet community I looked up to)
I was in speacil ed from as early as third grade up until high school graduation. I even attended a college for students with learning disabilities, which I hated and ended up moving back home. I'm currently going to school out of state. I love it, but I still have trouble maintaining long term friendships. I'm also home for the summer and I hate it, since I live with my parents and its not an environment where I can easily get to places.
As for why did I join this forum, I've had terrible experiences with others on the spectrum. As mentioned, this is not a condition I am proud to have. However, recently I learned that what I knew about aspergers is outdated information! So I recently watched a bunch of Ted Talks, read more books on the condition, and joined forums like these to teach me more about my condition.
I want to know the positives of being an aspie. I have heard NT (but ASD sensitive) people say "Oh you are talented in this field and you should embrace that." But I never really seen someone really successful, isn't a celebirty, with this condition. I want to know on a personal level from other aspies, what are positives. Thats why I joined this forum.
Thank you for having me and reading my story.
-Lady Lucifer
PS: Sorry for my irregular grammatical and spelling errors and the long post!
That being said I am not a proud aspie. It has caused me a lot of stress and trauma in my life. My life is complicated as not only am I AS, but I also have dyslexia, PTSD because of my ASD, and unilateral anopathalmia. (meaning I am missing one eye) Almost everyone in my family is some form of ASD, but will not admit it as my diagnosis causes "shame" in the family. My parents are also narccisst, so that dosen't help either.
My speacil intrest is abnormal psychology (oddly enough. Psychology is also my major in college at the moment), true crime documentaries, Disney (specifically the princess francise and the villain franchise), metal music, sex psychology, random ted talks and conspiracy theories. I'm good at math (if I have a good teacher) and english (somewhat, I can write but I can't spell or memorize every grammatical rule there is) and my weakest subject is history and philopshy.
Other symptoms of my ASD include:
* mild over stimulation (tunnel vision and hearing loss in mildly loud environments like a car or mall)
* needs constant alone time
* afraid to make social connections
* will openly talk about anything, even if the situation or environment is inappropriate (never teach a christen kid about how the devil is a really good person for example)
* irritability episodes (I'm not the explosive type. Very rarely will I ever explode. Those are usually triggered by a event stacked on top of another)
* depression episodes
* almost literal comprehension
* I like to have things planned out (not everything, but just certain events)
* poor time management skills
* financial trouble
* has strict rules when it comes to romantic/sexual relationships
* hates being touched (sometimes)
* odd phobias
* I need to have my hand held (figuratively) when it comes to learning harder subjects such as higher math (even though I'm decent at math) or goverment (which is a subject I never learned in high school)
* Somewhat advanced vocabulary in casual situations
* Has therapy devices (a certain toy comforts me in stressful situations. He also talks, I talk for him)
* Addictive personality (oddly enough this dosen't include drugs or alcohol)
* Has trouble keeping/maintaining friendships
* Has trouble communicating needs
* Has trouble processing body needs (i.e: when I need to eat, when I need to pee, etc) Not that I am physically unable to tell (though with the eating thing, that may be caused by IBS, which is another condition I have, commonly associated with ASD) but I'll be so wrapped up in something, I'll forget that I have to fulfill that need. I have to tell myself, "Okay, you've been at this gathering for eight hours now, its time to use the bathroom. You have not gone since we left the house."
* Socially tone deaf
Ironically, I am able to pick up on emotions, compared to most people with this condition. (I'm not insulting those with AS. But what I mean to say is that a lot of AS patients aren't able to read emotions that well.) I mean I can't read them perfectly, as I'm prone to making aspie assumptions such as "he really isn't into me at all" when I am looking at a guy I like.
That being said, empathy is still an emotion, I can't entirely grasp. Like I can feel it, but not strongly. (Which is also very common with AS patients) I didn't understand greif or loss until four years ago, where I actually lost not one, not two, but four loved ones in the same year. (2 in which were family members, one was a teacher of mine and another was someone in a internet community I looked up to)
I was in speacil ed from as early as third grade up until high school graduation. I even attended a college for students with learning disabilities, which I hated and ended up moving back home. I'm currently going to school out of state. I love it, but I still have trouble maintaining long term friendships. I'm also home for the summer and I hate it, since I live with my parents and its not an environment where I can easily get to places.
As for why did I join this forum, I've had terrible experiences with others on the spectrum. As mentioned, this is not a condition I am proud to have. However, recently I learned that what I knew about aspergers is outdated information! So I recently watched a bunch of Ted Talks, read more books on the condition, and joined forums like these to teach me more about my condition.
I want to know the positives of being an aspie. I have heard NT (but ASD sensitive) people say "Oh you are talented in this field and you should embrace that." But I never really seen someone really successful, isn't a celebirty, with this condition. I want to know on a personal level from other aspies, what are positives. Thats why I joined this forum.
Thank you for having me and reading my story.
-Lady Lucifer
PS: Sorry for my irregular grammatical and spelling errors and the long post!
