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New here, hello from NZ

pastelanxiety

pastelanxiety

Member
Hi hello, I'm a 29 y/o woman from New Zealand and I was finally diagnosed with ASD at the beginning of this week. Ever since I was a young child, both myself and those around me had a feeling I wasn't NT, despite how hard I tried to be. Now that my suspicions have been confirmed by a doctor, I feel very validated and relieved that I'm not just "difficult", "highly strung" or "weird". I feel relief, however I also feel very overwhelmed because for the majority of my life I have masked to the point I sometimes forget I'm masking and convince even myself (if this makes sense?). People around me tell me I couldn't possibly have ASD simply because of how "put together" and "personable" I am, which I personally find quite invalidating and am a bit unsure of how to respond to that.

I have no fellow ASD friends in my life and would like to make some connections and learn things from others here :)
 
Welcome!

The well meaning "you don't look autistic" comment is definitely that many of us relate to, since it often prevents us from getting the supports we need, especially when the one making the comment is a doctor, manager, friend, or someone else that we should be able to count on, but who is instead acting dismissively of us.

I also found (as with most who were identified or diagnosed as an adult) significant relief in getting the diagnosis as it brought confirmation and closure, and allowed me to move forward on being able to better take care of myself.

Personally, I like books and if you don't mind, here's two that I think may be helpful in helping you find yourself:

https://www.autismforums.com/resour...covering-the-new-faces-of-neurodiversity.210/
https://www.autismforums.com/resources/spectrum-women-walking-to-the-beat-of-autism.171/
There's a bunch of other books and websites in the resources section and of course what's listed there is just a small fraction of what is available out there.
 
VictorR said:
Welcome!

The well meaning "you don't look autistic" comment is definitely that many of us relate to, since it often prevents us from getting the supports we need, especially when the one making the comment is a doctor, manager, friend, or someone else that we should be able to count on, but who is instead acting dismissively of us.

I also found (as with most who were identified or diagnosed as an adult) significant relief in getting the diagnosis as it brought confirmation and closure, and allowed me to move forward on being able to better take care of myself.

Personally, I like books and if you don't mind, here's two that I think may be helpful in helping you find yourself:

https://www.autismforums.com/resour...covering-the-new-faces-of-neurodiversity.210/
https://www.autismforums.com/resources/spectrum-women-walking-to-the-beat-of-autism.171/
There's a bunch of other books and websites in the resources section and of course what's listed there is just a small fraction of what is available out there.
Click to expand...
Thank you for the warm welcome and the book recommendations. I'm currently reading and have almost finished "Unmasking Autism" and have found it very eye opening as well as reassuring.
 
pastelanxiety said:
Hi hello, I'm a 29 y/o woman from New Zealand and I was finally diagnosed with ASD at the beginning of this week. Ever since I was a young child, both myself and those around me had a feeling I wasn't NT, despite how hard I tried to be. Now that my suspicions have been confirmed by a doctor, I feel very validated and relieved that I'm not just "difficult", "highly strung" or "weird". I feel relief, however I also feel very overwhelmed because for the majority of my life I have masked to the point I sometimes forget I'm masking and convince even myself (if this makes sense?). People around me tell me I couldn't possibly have ASD simply because of how "put together" and "personable" I am, which I personally find quite invalidating and am a bit unsure of how to respond to that.

I have no fellow ASD friends in my life and would like to make some connections and learn things from others here :)
Click to expand...
Whoa... you really need to get some ND friends asap! In fact, you just made one <3 Hello! Welcome to Aspie Forums :3 Also, I can totally relate to the put together part. I'm so good at pretending others can't even tell some of the time <: D
 
Welcome to the forums.
I think you will find you can make connections and friends here.
My diagnosis was helpful in understanding my life and then I found the forum
and learned even more and found a community I can be myself in.

New Zealand, I call it the jewel of the planet. Always wanted to live there if
I could have. :)
 
Hi and welcome. We've got a few Kiwis in here now. I think this forum is the greatest available learning source for finding out about yourself.
 
pastelanxiety said:
Hi hello, I'm a 29 y/o woman from New Zealand and I was finally diagnosed with ASD at the beginning of this week. Ever since I was a young child, both myself and those around me had a feeling I wasn't NT, despite how hard I tried to be. Now that my suspicions have been confirmed by a doctor, I feel very validated and relieved that I'm not just "difficult", "highly strung" or "weird". I feel relief, however I also feel very overwhelmed because for the majority of my life I have masked to the point I sometimes forget I'm masking and convince even myself (if this makes sense?). People around me tell me I couldn't possibly have ASD simply because of how "put together" and "personable" I am, which I personally find quite invalidating and am a bit unsure of how to respond to that.

I have no fellow ASD friends in my life and would like to make some connections and learn things from others here :)
Click to expand...
Hello and welcome! Glad you're here. I too remember feeling validated upon getting my results.

It's unfortunate that you were previously invalidated by others; we mask so that others cannot tell we are different, and then they are surprised? when we are different. It's a struggle.
 
Welcome.

No one suspects I am aspie either. Too high functioning. They just can’t see the machinations going on inside that are necessary to cope and that drain off all my intelligence and energy.
 
welcome to af.webp
 
Hello and welcome! You will be in good company here, I am sure of it. Let us know if you have any questions about the site or anything.
 
Welcome!
People in general really don't know enough about autism to make those sorts of judgments about who does or doesn't "seem" or "look" autistic, so we shouldn't be taking that kind of thing to heart.
 
georgiagalaxy said:
Whoa... you really need to get some ND friends asap! In fact, you just made one <3 Hello! Welcome to Aspie Forums :3 Also, I can totally relate to the put together part. I'm so good at pretending others can't even tell some of
Click to expand...
Thank you for the warm welcome! Indeed, sometimes the pretending gets a little too real I almost fool myself!
 
Welcome! :)

It's really nice to be able to understand why we're different, and even more important to understand that it's just who we are and it isn't a bad thing.

I hope you enjoy it here, and feel free to ask questions. This is a very supportive place.
 
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