Hello all. For the past year and a half or so, I've realized I might be autistic.
In my adult life, I cover all the criteria necessary for an autistic diagnosis, but I'm having trouble finding examples from my childhood to confirm it.
I'm currently 19 and started college last year. Before that, I lived in a really sheltered environment. I went to a school with only 8 other kids in my class that I had known since I was 5. I don't remember ever struggling to manage those friendships or social interactions because I had known them for so long and felt safe with them. However, I only spent time with 1 or 2 of them outside of school and was rarely invited to birthday parties or other social gatherings that occurred.
I do remember always feeling like an alien (and still do) and thinking that I never truly belonged with my classmates. It was like I could hang out with them and be social, but I felt more like I was just playing along or pretending to fit in and could easily detach from the group to be by myself or to hang out with my teachers instead. I have a lot of other traits as well like sensory sensitivities, preferring schedules and plans, experiencing burnout and meltdowns, stimming, enjoying repetition, having special interests, hyper-fixating on things, and I have a few other co-morbities like OCD and social anxiety.
The one thing I can't seem to find any prominent deficits in are social interactions and communication in my childhood which I know is needed for a diagnosis according to the DSM-5 criteria. I'm not sure if that has to do with the type of childhood I had, or if I learned to mask at an early age (hence why I always had the feeling of pretending) or if there are other diagnosis' that fit my experiences better. I also can't ask any of the adults who may remember my childhood better than me because I don't feel safe or comfortable coming out to my parents or other family members with a potential autistic diagnoses.
Any thoughts are greatly appreciated!
In my adult life, I cover all the criteria necessary for an autistic diagnosis, but I'm having trouble finding examples from my childhood to confirm it.
I'm currently 19 and started college last year. Before that, I lived in a really sheltered environment. I went to a school with only 8 other kids in my class that I had known since I was 5. I don't remember ever struggling to manage those friendships or social interactions because I had known them for so long and felt safe with them. However, I only spent time with 1 or 2 of them outside of school and was rarely invited to birthday parties or other social gatherings that occurred.
I do remember always feeling like an alien (and still do) and thinking that I never truly belonged with my classmates. It was like I could hang out with them and be social, but I felt more like I was just playing along or pretending to fit in and could easily detach from the group to be by myself or to hang out with my teachers instead. I have a lot of other traits as well like sensory sensitivities, preferring schedules and plans, experiencing burnout and meltdowns, stimming, enjoying repetition, having special interests, hyper-fixating on things, and I have a few other co-morbities like OCD and social anxiety.
The one thing I can't seem to find any prominent deficits in are social interactions and communication in my childhood which I know is needed for a diagnosis according to the DSM-5 criteria. I'm not sure if that has to do with the type of childhood I had, or if I learned to mask at an early age (hence why I always had the feeling of pretending) or if there are other diagnosis' that fit my experiences better. I also can't ask any of the adults who may remember my childhood better than me because I don't feel safe or comfortable coming out to my parents or other family members with a potential autistic diagnoses.
Any thoughts are greatly appreciated!