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Neri here


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V.I.P Member
Ok ...big question that will require a long-winded reply ...

Having had a very unconventional and chaotic childhood, it took me a long while to peel back the many layers of my "difference" and the troubles incurred, as a result.

I left my parents, in deep despair, as a 16 year old, extremely traumatized and alexithymic, situationally-mute female child-woman.

Reading had gotten me through my childhood, but had not given me the communicative or emotional regulation to communicate my needs to my already overloaded parents, And in an alcoholic haze, I bed-hopped my way to a psychedelic culture in the most easterly and northern part of New South Wales.I don't even want to go into the abuse and horror and exploitation of my journey ...so let me continue

Incurring much more trauma, as a result of said Autism, or "AuDHD" and the extreme lack of social sav, I found myself involved, and quickly pregnant to, a political and very fringe lead singer/songwiter/guilarist, who wrote songs I thought indicated his moral uprightness and decency (see the literal thinking of your classic Aspie Autist).

As it turned out, I missed ( as is in ignorant, inattentive and clueless, not longing for) the narcissism and criminal nature of the object of my attention, and subsequent co-parent of my/our seven children.

You may be wondering, why seven children? Surely that would be waay too overstimulating and demanding on one so neural-y and sensorally challenged? ...Well you know that thing, when an Austist do a thing? And then repeat that thing? Over and over again?

Well that's what I did, with having babies, plus my mum terrified me about birth control, and again, literalist thinking won the day .

Among those children, it turns out there was some Autism in the genetic mix. Second born son was the one with the most apparent dose of the Auties, complete with a intellectual disability, This posed a significant clue to my own recent diagnosis.

After many years of the musical stimming that enabled my development from near-mute to competent verbal communicator.

I had joined the musician baby Dada's band; thankfully the dramatic arts I had jumped at, in late primary and high school, had given me the prior stage experience that set me up to become a singer/dancer in his reggae band. It was the only option available, in order to learn how to communicate and I dance-stimmed my way to adulthood.

Reheasing songs is a lovely way for a autist to develop that brain-mind-voice connection, I might add, and is a stim that woks wonders, in oxytocin release, that adds to a much repaired endocrine system.

After a few thousand meltdowns and some major and breakdown burnouts, I left baby Dada in search for some support and in order to bring myself back from the brim of death, but not from sanity. That had long since fled the building, and yet, paradoxically, was remarkably intact. This is beyond the scope of my communicative abilities to explain.

I found a fellow AspAut, my current Significant other, and some years later, my family realised the, almost stereotypical, presentation of one of those "Little Professors" so eloquently and affectionately described by Hans Aspergers; That Little professor was my father.

After peeling back years of trauma, and many inadequate and/ or misdiagnosis' and missed symptoms, including an eating disorder that lasted until I was in my early thirties; I received "depression and anxiety" borderline personality disorder" and finally "complex ptsd" and had been extensively treated.

Recovery, although not complete, was significant, and yet somehow did not touch some deeper underlying issues I had always been experiencing.
I remembered how my mother always said "You're so like your Father" and so I decided to do some digging about Autism.

Sure enough after numerous online self tests, a tonne of research, and some soul searching, I began to grow in certainty, that THIS, was what explained the patterns of my difficulties, preoccupations and tendencies, and I approached my gp. Only to be told "Why would you want to spend all that money, to find out something you already know?
My situational mutism returned, and I could not find an answer for him.

6 years later, my executive function and burn out at new levels of severity, and my information addiction all consuming, my social life nonexistant, other that family members and my fellow NDerAspoid by my side, I reached out in desperation to the Austalian Autism website, a govey funded support and educational resource google suggested. They told me to apply for NDIS funding. Our wonderful and fortunate federal disability system. (Not perfect, but highly helpful if awarded) and I yielded to professional advice

So here I am, paying off the assessment for the NDIS application. A good deal I thought. Not long wait list, a nice snappy assessment, for the two in one ASD+ADHD (the ADHD revelation is for another story). A budget assessment for a bit over two grand. Two three to be exact. I was given the nod, by the assessor, after the online interview. He assured me I qualified for the dual diagnosis.

I didn't get an IQ test, but that was fine. I didn't want one of those. I've already done them in the past anyway.This is NOT a country you wanna emphasise your IQ in. Smart people are particularly unpopular, here, for the most part. Especially ones who don't finish things (the ADHD showing its face here). No high school, no tertiary, no university degree finished, despite initial enthusiasm, no attention and much demand avoidance dominated; only my musical stimming, interest-led information acquisition, art, advocacy, care-giving and crafts and paradoxically slow-and-fast processing issues, I can maintain.

Social confidence and social tolerance as very poor these days. The internet is an Autists godsend, but I CANNOT deal with the outside world, at this point. Not without support. And the deepening processing issues and autistic inertia, don't even get me started.


Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Hi, I am also 50 and newly diagnosed. I'm in a bit of a haze about it, partly because I'm my first assessment I was told 2x exceptional but not autistic. I then found a neurodivergent affirming psychologist and the 2 experiences were night and day from each other.

How did you get to thinking you are autistic? I was learning some about it because of my work and it felt like a good fit. Still, sometimes I do get imposter syndrome about it.
Hi GalacticH . See above for reply.


Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I'm new here. I wanted to wait for my official diagnosis, which happened last friday. I got diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. I guess that makes me an auDHDer, if I'm inclined to form my identity around my neurodivergency, which, I guess I am, at least, right now and lately, I am. I've been getting called out by family members for, basically, in my words, "being too autistic about being autistic". As it's been an obsession of late, to learn more about it and I can't help talking about what I'm learning about or thinking a lot about.

Bare in mind that I am a 50 year old female and, by the sounds of it, I am a very typical autistic woman, maybe especially for my, and older, generations. I guess I might fall into the "twice exceptional" category and maybe have been known to mask well, in some instances, which has and hasn't helped me, if you know what I mean. It's been pretty traumatic, a lot if my life and I got diagnosis' typical of people showing evidence of a lot of trauma, before I received my confirmation of this type of neurodivegence.

It's a HUGE relief to discover how not-alone I am in all this. Although I have had a fellow ND, same phenotype, I believe, partner, for quite a few years, AND I am the mother, sister and daughter of neurodivergent people. Most of whom aren't formally diagnosed and a few that are. I have a lot of children. I have struggled under the weight of many of their social difficulties and deficits too, on top of my own.

Anyway, that's probably enough for now. Oh, I am Australian. I live in Northern New South Wales. I'm am more of an Arts and humanities Autist but I'm kinda sciencey about humanities, having done some of a cultural studies degree and lots of research about many aspects of human behaviour and culture and "the human psyche". I am, quite typically I hear, quite an existential thinker type. Maybe typical for many older and some young Autist women and some men. My youngest son and partner are very hard science kinds of Aspie-Autists and I am, notably human and human behaviour centric in my interests and obsessions and curiosities aka "special interests". I used to be a performance artist of the singing, dancing, songwriting variety.


Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
It sounds like you've had a wild ride with a lot of different experiences both positive and traumatic.
Indeed. My "special interests" have included my children's welfare, and my own personal development so, overall, I'm pretty happy with how far I've come "on my journey" so to speak.

The diagnosis is good though, although I did have a small meltdown grieving period after being given the confirmation.
It allows me to stop trying so hard, as I'm so deeply, neurally exhausted, and socially burnt, at this point. I'm just starting to get some outside help again. Starting with a social support org and recently started seeing a psychologist who specialises in trauma and has a special interest in sipporting people with ASD. And I'm on a waiting list to see a psychiatrist who specialises in ADHD and trauma.
Things are on the up, once again. :)


Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I did want to add a disclaimer; Unlike many autists (I'm told) I use a lot of analogies and metaphors.
If anyone struggles with knowing what I mean when I use them, I am very happy to clarify.

I think, partly, I am like this because I grew up with my head buried in fiction books and I became a songwriter/poet as a way to deal with extreme emotional dysregulation and lack of communication skills. And the 2e thing (so uncomfortable talking about that, really, but if you don't know what that is, and you want to, I will elaborate).

I'm still quite a literalist, in my own way.

I just don't want to alienate anyone who struggles with idioms, metaphors and the like, so, let me know if I'm being unclear when I use them, if that's something you're feel comfortable doing

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