Just an update on this whole job situation - one week ago I had a phone screen/interview and they invited me for an onsite interview which I had earlier today. Interviewing is not a strength of mine, but I muddled my way through it. I usually have to rely on the strength of my resume and job experience to get job offers. We will see what happens.
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Need other's perspectives
- Thread starter mw2530
- Start date
Another update to share...the Director of HR reached out to me yesterday to see if I was still interested and to pry out of me the salary range I was looking for. It sounded likely that I will get an official offer, but did not hear anything today. After I got the call yesterday, my mind went into serious OCD mode again and it was difficult to think about anything else.
Perhaps I have been too loyal to other employers that I have had in the past, based on the feedback I have received in this thread. That could be the case since I can be loyal to a fault at times. Although my loyalty lies more with the people I work with, rather than the company itself. Since if I would leave, it hurts the people in the department the most since they have to take on more work until they find someone else to fill the position.
Perhaps I have been too loyal to other employers that I have had in the past, based on the feedback I have received in this thread. That could be the case since I can be loyal to a fault at times. Although my loyalty lies more with the people I work with, rather than the company itself. Since if I would leave, it hurts the people in the department the most since they have to take on more work until they find someone else to fill the position.
I wanted to give an update on the whole job situation. Actually, I am in desperate need of outside advice and opinions.
So I ended up accepting the job offer several weeks ago, and when I told my existing employer the news he was a bit surprised and I think disappointed. He ended up attempting to get me to stay by offering slightly higher compensation than the offer. This made my decision even more difficult since it took away one of the pros of leaving. He also said on more than one occasion that he thought I was making a mistake. I still ended up leaving since I had already accepted the other offer.
Fast forward a few weeks and I just finished up my first week at the new job. My new supervisor is very nice, and even gave me a gift card welcoming me. She has a lot on her plate and seems to be really good at her job and on top of things. Those are all positives. They also set me up in one of the nicest offices and is actually a big improvement from the small office I had at the previous company. Another positive.
On the flip side, I have some concerns that I am not going to like some of the work. The work is certainly going to be a bit different than what I was doing so there also is going to be some growing pains. I don't mind learning new things and that can be a good opportunity, but again the concern is that I am not going to enjoy much of the work. At my previous job, the biggest positive was that I was enjoying the work and was good at it. That is extremely important. Granted I had only been there about 3 months, so I probably didn't get a full picture yet. Yet I decided to leave primarily due to the proximity of the new job to where I live and it was a pay raise (although like I said the pay became irrelevant with the counteroffer). In addition I knew the office conditions would be an improvement (although this is probably relatively minor issue). I most likely would have moved if I stayed at the previous job to reduce the commute time, but I am single and live in an apartment so a move was doable. I do have some good friends where I live so that would be a bummer, but it is not like I would be moving to a new state. But I am not sure any of these positives matter if I don't end up enjoying the work. I don't expect to like everything, but need to enjoy most of the work since I will spend a lot of my time working.
My concerns were so serious that I actually called up my previous manager and had a talk with him at the end of the week. We talked for awhile and I expressed some of my concerns of the new position. He said he was in the process of interviewing and reviewing resumes. It sounded like the job would be mine if I wanted to go back.
My question is whether or not I am jumping to a conclusion way too early since I am only a week in. But the old position will likely get filled in the near future, so I don't have the luxury of giving it more time. Also I seem to have difficulty determining which issues are the most relevant to base a decision upon. If I decided to go back, it could be rather embarrassing to leave so quickly. And I would feel a tremendous amount of guilt and shame. I guess I am looking for everyone's thoughts and opinions. Depending on the time and day, I seem to switch back and forth on what to do.
When looking back, I have always had serious difficulties in making major life decisions. I seem to become overwhelmed by possibilities and I almost become paralyzed. I also end up obsessing endlessly about what to do and it greatly interferes with my ability to function. Sometimes I seem to subconsciously make up my mind on something right away before having all the information to consider, and I kind of only hear what I want to hear and ignore or minimalize anything that does not support me initial subconscious decision. Perhaps this is what happened when I first applied for the new position. I was reading how having difficulty making decisions is a pretty common issues in those with ASD. It certainly is true for me.
So I ended up accepting the job offer several weeks ago, and when I told my existing employer the news he was a bit surprised and I think disappointed. He ended up attempting to get me to stay by offering slightly higher compensation than the offer. This made my decision even more difficult since it took away one of the pros of leaving. He also said on more than one occasion that he thought I was making a mistake. I still ended up leaving since I had already accepted the other offer.
Fast forward a few weeks and I just finished up my first week at the new job. My new supervisor is very nice, and even gave me a gift card welcoming me. She has a lot on her plate and seems to be really good at her job and on top of things. Those are all positives. They also set me up in one of the nicest offices and is actually a big improvement from the small office I had at the previous company. Another positive.
On the flip side, I have some concerns that I am not going to like some of the work. The work is certainly going to be a bit different than what I was doing so there also is going to be some growing pains. I don't mind learning new things and that can be a good opportunity, but again the concern is that I am not going to enjoy much of the work. At my previous job, the biggest positive was that I was enjoying the work and was good at it. That is extremely important. Granted I had only been there about 3 months, so I probably didn't get a full picture yet. Yet I decided to leave primarily due to the proximity of the new job to where I live and it was a pay raise (although like I said the pay became irrelevant with the counteroffer). In addition I knew the office conditions would be an improvement (although this is probably relatively minor issue). I most likely would have moved if I stayed at the previous job to reduce the commute time, but I am single and live in an apartment so a move was doable. I do have some good friends where I live so that would be a bummer, but it is not like I would be moving to a new state. But I am not sure any of these positives matter if I don't end up enjoying the work. I don't expect to like everything, but need to enjoy most of the work since I will spend a lot of my time working.
My concerns were so serious that I actually called up my previous manager and had a talk with him at the end of the week. We talked for awhile and I expressed some of my concerns of the new position. He said he was in the process of interviewing and reviewing resumes. It sounded like the job would be mine if I wanted to go back.
My question is whether or not I am jumping to a conclusion way too early since I am only a week in. But the old position will likely get filled in the near future, so I don't have the luxury of giving it more time. Also I seem to have difficulty determining which issues are the most relevant to base a decision upon. If I decided to go back, it could be rather embarrassing to leave so quickly. And I would feel a tremendous amount of guilt and shame. I guess I am looking for everyone's thoughts and opinions. Depending on the time and day, I seem to switch back and forth on what to do.
When looking back, I have always had serious difficulties in making major life decisions. I seem to become overwhelmed by possibilities and I almost become paralyzed. I also end up obsessing endlessly about what to do and it greatly interferes with my ability to function. Sometimes I seem to subconsciously make up my mind on something right away before having all the information to consider, and I kind of only hear what I want to hear and ignore or minimalize anything that does not support me initial subconscious decision. Perhaps this is what happened when I first applied for the new position. I was reading how having difficulty making decisions is a pretty common issues in those with ASD. It certainly is true for me.
You might want to think about making 4 lists
1) reasons in favour of the existing job
2) reasons in against the existing job
3) reasons in favour of the other job
4) reasons in against the other job
Some of the lists will have more items.
Give yourself a set time to consider the questions, and then go take a break.
Come back and look at the lists and see the weightiness of the reasons.
Decide to go with the choice that has the weightiest reasons, and see how that feels.
review the exercise and see what it has taught you
It might help you to make a decision.
1) reasons in favour of the existing job
2) reasons in against the existing job
3) reasons in favour of the other job
4) reasons in against the other job
Some of the lists will have more items.
Give yourself a set time to consider the questions, and then go take a break.
Come back and look at the lists and see the weightiness of the reasons.
Decide to go with the choice that has the weightiest reasons, and see how that feels.
review the exercise and see what it has taught you
It might help you to make a decision.
So I was in the situation you are in but I chose to accept the counter offer before leaving. I wound up regretting the decision and here is my explanation for it.
I was always very good at my job no matter where I landed. Thing is I had been getting rather stagnant and by that i mean that there was nothing more to be learned at the job I staid at. I still wonder how my life might have been different for I missed a job opportunity that.... Well it is silly to try and speculate.
While Money is nice, it is not the only consideration and there is always a bit of a learning curve when moving to a new job. You obviously need to feel comfortable but the big question for me was always, was the work an opportunity to learn something new and thereby advance my skills set. This also wound up expanding into social areas at times as well.
It sounds as if you are having a bit of, for lack of a better term, "buyer's remorse". I never regretted leaving a job, but I regretted taking that counter offer. Sure I was comfortable, but I had settled into a rut, and that was still there when I let them talk me into staying, and anyway I wound up leaving after only a few more months.
I would feel awkward re-engaging with those I worked with after leaving and then showing up again. I would not be able to handle the questions and would feel as if I had an invisible sign on my back, a constant big question mark signifying endless questions in the minds of those around me.
Changing jobs was always a stressful situation and I needed a few months to hit my stride. As long as there was something new to learn I was okay, for I never liked work and ultimately every job I ever had underutilized or marginalized my talents.
I do not know if this is of any help to you for in the end you have to deal with the stuff that is cluttering up your thinking right now. It seems you have plusses and minuses at both jobs, so in the end you are on your own. Personally, as I said earlier, I don't think I would be able to handle the looks I would get from those who knew me, but that's just me!
Good Luck!
I was always very good at my job no matter where I landed. Thing is I had been getting rather stagnant and by that i mean that there was nothing more to be learned at the job I staid at. I still wonder how my life might have been different for I missed a job opportunity that.... Well it is silly to try and speculate.
While Money is nice, it is not the only consideration and there is always a bit of a learning curve when moving to a new job. You obviously need to feel comfortable but the big question for me was always, was the work an opportunity to learn something new and thereby advance my skills set. This also wound up expanding into social areas at times as well.
It sounds as if you are having a bit of, for lack of a better term, "buyer's remorse". I never regretted leaving a job, but I regretted taking that counter offer. Sure I was comfortable, but I had settled into a rut, and that was still there when I let them talk me into staying, and anyway I wound up leaving after only a few more months.
I would feel awkward re-engaging with those I worked with after leaving and then showing up again. I would not be able to handle the questions and would feel as if I had an invisible sign on my back, a constant big question mark signifying endless questions in the minds of those around me.
Changing jobs was always a stressful situation and I needed a few months to hit my stride. As long as there was something new to learn I was okay, for I never liked work and ultimately every job I ever had underutilized or marginalized my talents.
I do not know if this is of any help to you for in the end you have to deal with the stuff that is cluttering up your thinking right now. It seems you have plusses and minuses at both jobs, so in the end you are on your own. Personally, as I said earlier, I don't think I would be able to handle the looks I would get from those who knew me, but that's just me!
Good Luck!
Learn as many new things as you can at your new job. If you hate it after a year, start to look for better jobs at old company and other companies. It doesn't have to be the same position. Maybe a higher ranking position if you think you could qualify or a different position.
Problem is I think I already hate it.
In that case, start applying to other jobs now. You can apply to the company you were at before and other companies- pronto!
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I think many NTs also struggle with social situations.
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