Hello there,
As a 57yo struggling with my otherness I get where you are coming from. The power her behavior has over you is large and understanding why she is like this will help you understand it better, helping to normalize her treatment of you and others. It is true that if you name it it takes away the power it holds over you.
Please note that the behavior your mother shows is that of a person who struggles to understand the world around her. As such she has built up protective devices to help her, like trusting her opinion over others and managing affairs as she sees fit. It makes sense that she needed to do this as other people’s way of doing and thinking was foreign to her.
I think your mother led a very hard life. She needed to make sense out of a world that did not make sense. And to protect herself she did what she had to do. I suspect as time went on this wore her out and just made things worse for you.
I recommend that you look at her as a person with a deep unresolvable issue she had for 80+ years and struggled with. The label autism, personality disorder or something like that is probably right... but at this time irrelevant.
See her with compassion. Her long struggle is coming to an end. She has been successful by having you and maybe your sibling if you have any. And the fact that you are looking still for answers show that you have not abandoned her. This shows your strength.
I hope that things turn out well for your family. This label I give your mother is one of a fighter who did all she could to wrestle the world to her will.
I hope this helps
As a 57yo struggling with my otherness I get where you are coming from. The power her behavior has over you is large and understanding why she is like this will help you understand it better, helping to normalize her treatment of you and others. It is true that if you name it it takes away the power it holds over you.
Please note that the behavior your mother shows is that of a person who struggles to understand the world around her. As such she has built up protective devices to help her, like trusting her opinion over others and managing affairs as she sees fit. It makes sense that she needed to do this as other people’s way of doing and thinking was foreign to her.
I think your mother led a very hard life. She needed to make sense out of a world that did not make sense. And to protect herself she did what she had to do. I suspect as time went on this wore her out and just made things worse for you.
I recommend that you look at her as a person with a deep unresolvable issue she had for 80+ years and struggled with. The label autism, personality disorder or something like that is probably right... but at this time irrelevant.
See her with compassion. Her long struggle is coming to an end. She has been successful by having you and maybe your sibling if you have any. And the fact that you are looking still for answers show that you have not abandoned her. This shows your strength.
I hope that things turn out well for your family. This label I give your mother is one of a fighter who did all she could to wrestle the world to her will.
I hope this helps
