sil80guy
Member
Hello,
Sorry about the long post.
I was dating a very amazing person for ~5 months. The first 3 months were amazing. Lots of fun and affection.
During that time, and before we started dating, she alluded to having mental illness. She was in a marriage, which ended up in a divorce. She lived with her ex-husband on good terms for about a year, and I came into the picture at the tail end of that while she was moving out.
I told her it was ok, and I would support her fully. I wanted to be a good and loving partner to her.
I am an ENFJ and a 2w1. I loved doing things for her, cooking her foods, helping with chores. I would go to the end of the earth for her, she meant so much to me and I always considered her feelings in everything and what we do.
If she wasn't alright with something, I was always perfectly fine with not doing that, and I always asked what she wanted to do.
On the 4th month she started requesting we stay in more, at this time I was unsure why she was feeling the way she did, but if that's what she wanted it was fine with me. And I left her the option to let me know what was on her mind, and told her she didn't have to if she didn't want to.
The first week of the 4th month was alright, then the 2nd week was awful, she did not want anything to do with me, and asked for space. Unfortunately at the time, I had no idea she had Asperger's. And being an ENFJ/2w1, I was being over caring, and instead of giving her space, every other day I would ask if she was doing alright.
I ended up getting her a lego set of something she really enjoyed, and watching her put it together brought so much joy, since it gave her so much joy, and weeks 3 and 4 were great.
Month 5 took a turn for the worst, I'm not sure what happened, it came out of the blue, but the 2nd week she need her space again, this time she stated she needed a lot of time alone. This killed me internally, we were ready to make the next step in our relationship, she had plans to introduce me to her family.
And ultimately she asked me over to let me know she wants to break up with me.
I now know that because of her Asperger's, I probably killed the relationship by not giving her the space she needed to think things through.
This was an issue with her past relationship, and she didn't want me to go through the same pains and saw that when she did need alone time, I was hurting, so she took it on herself to end the relationship. During the talk she was cold and void of emotions, like she was a robot, at the time I felt like she just didn't have any feelings for me at all, but I believe that was due to her Asperger's.
I know she has Asperger's, but I know how I felt about her, and I know how to she felt about me. We had no fights and no disagreements. And I'm not sure if this is just to leave me in a good spot, but she told me I was probably the best thing to happen to her, was super caring and so amazing.
I do know I have to give her her space to let her sort things out, to re-energize and think about all the changes. To me it seems like she didn't fully get to take in all the changes from leaving her ex-husband.
I'm just confused by all of it. She did say she wants to remain friends, and still communicate, but I'm not sure how to handle that with someone that has Asperger's.
I was also wondering, what are the chances of her reaching out to me as a friend or getting back together?
Do I wait for her to reach out to me or do I wait about two weeks and reach out to her to see how she's doing?
I'll answer any questions anyone has as well.
Thanks!
Sorry about the long post.
I was dating a very amazing person for ~5 months. The first 3 months were amazing. Lots of fun and affection.
During that time, and before we started dating, she alluded to having mental illness. She was in a marriage, which ended up in a divorce. She lived with her ex-husband on good terms for about a year, and I came into the picture at the tail end of that while she was moving out.
I told her it was ok, and I would support her fully. I wanted to be a good and loving partner to her.
I am an ENFJ and a 2w1. I loved doing things for her, cooking her foods, helping with chores. I would go to the end of the earth for her, she meant so much to me and I always considered her feelings in everything and what we do.
If she wasn't alright with something, I was always perfectly fine with not doing that, and I always asked what she wanted to do.
On the 4th month she started requesting we stay in more, at this time I was unsure why she was feeling the way she did, but if that's what she wanted it was fine with me. And I left her the option to let me know what was on her mind, and told her she didn't have to if she didn't want to.
The first week of the 4th month was alright, then the 2nd week was awful, she did not want anything to do with me, and asked for space. Unfortunately at the time, I had no idea she had Asperger's. And being an ENFJ/2w1, I was being over caring, and instead of giving her space, every other day I would ask if she was doing alright.
I ended up getting her a lego set of something she really enjoyed, and watching her put it together brought so much joy, since it gave her so much joy, and weeks 3 and 4 were great.
Month 5 took a turn for the worst, I'm not sure what happened, it came out of the blue, but the 2nd week she need her space again, this time she stated she needed a lot of time alone. This killed me internally, we were ready to make the next step in our relationship, she had plans to introduce me to her family.
And ultimately she asked me over to let me know she wants to break up with me.
I now know that because of her Asperger's, I probably killed the relationship by not giving her the space she needed to think things through.
This was an issue with her past relationship, and she didn't want me to go through the same pains and saw that when she did need alone time, I was hurting, so she took it on herself to end the relationship. During the talk she was cold and void of emotions, like she was a robot, at the time I felt like she just didn't have any feelings for me at all, but I believe that was due to her Asperger's.
I know she has Asperger's, but I know how I felt about her, and I know how to she felt about me. We had no fights and no disagreements. And I'm not sure if this is just to leave me in a good spot, but she told me I was probably the best thing to happen to her, was super caring and so amazing.
I do know I have to give her her space to let her sort things out, to re-energize and think about all the changes. To me it seems like she didn't fully get to take in all the changes from leaving her ex-husband.
I'm just confused by all of it. She did say she wants to remain friends, and still communicate, but I'm not sure how to handle that with someone that has Asperger's.
I was also wondering, what are the chances of her reaching out to me as a friend or getting back together?
Do I wait for her to reach out to me or do I wait about two weeks and reach out to her to see how she's doing?
I'll answer any questions anyone has as well.
Thanks!